The Lost Plum…

I went and saw the Valentine’s Day movie with the ever-amazing Nando a few weeks back. And we saw alot of things that day/night, some that I may tell, and some which I may want to forget. It was a night to remember that is for sure!

Anyways about 2 rows in front of us was a couple. I think we both rolled our eyes at the ridiculousness that was this chick to our selves, and then she opened her mouth, Nando and I turned to each other and together sighed “oh my god!”

And thus one of my many lists had to be born. The chick in question although she does not deserve it, is number one.

7 types of Girls who have boyfriends, and probably don’t deserve them (in my humble plum opinion).

1. Girlfriend in movie theatre who talks about how great the Sex in the City 2 trailer was because her boyfriend missed it while buying her popcorn. And then discusses her favorite Friends episode while the Jennifer Aniston trailer is playing.

2. The girlfriend that looks more like a boyfriend. Her body ain’t bad and her fake tits are a sight to be seen but honey I’m pretty sure she has an atoms apple larger then an actual apple. Look up the statistics of how many babies are born with attributes of both sexes and their parents pick the sex. Then realize that about 80% of those parents pick female. That’s a whole lota ugly chicks running around. Digest that for a minute!

3. Your girlfriend in the pink flannel PJ pants with martin glasses and lips all over them. If she’s leaving the house dressed like that now (even if it’s just to run to the store) just think how she’ll be dressed once she pops out a few kids.

4. Chicks who wear thongs and only thongs ever. Not cause it’s wrong but because I just hate those skinny bitches!

5. Girl at the bar during the game who keeps jumping on her boyfriends lap during key plays and talking about ‘girly’ stuff while eating her salad with a glass of water.  Bitch there’s a game on!

6. Girls who buy their guys matching outfits. Are you serious right now? It’s one thing if you match with you best gay for a night at the gay bar, or your little ugly dog, but other then that you should never plan to dress like a guy.

7. Any girl who changes any guy. No matter what she says or thinks. You my guy friend are wonderful in your own special way.

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Plum: Excuse me.

Sigma-something-pop-collar-whatever: Am I in your way?

Plum: Well I’d sorta like, like to leave.

Sigma-something-pop-collar-whatever: Well I’m the “like to leave” police, I need to see some ID.

Plum: (laughs) Yeah ok! Whatever. Are you going to move?

Sigma-something-pop-collar-whatever: Are you going to at least give me your number?

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So you live in New York City? What do you know, so do I? Don’t have plans tomorrow night? Well I do! And you should come join!

I’m going to be part of an exciting event tomorrow Tuesday Feb 16^th.  Abiola’s Kiss and Tell Live a sexy storytelling and performance series in New York City. Tomorrow night we will honor Deborah Gregory author and creator of The Cheetah Girls. It’s going to be hot hot hot!

The lineup for the evening (in no specific order) Mama Cheetah Deborah Gregory, Twanna Hines the Funky Brown Chick, filmmaker Therese Shechter of Trixie Films, Modern Courtesan Yolanda Shoshana, comic David Lester, Boy Butter creator Eyal Feldman, Lesbian Activist and Writer Renair Amin, Danielle Henderson of Knotty Yarn, singing duo Sabrina and Giorgio, Lost Plum (that’s me!) and Mia “On Top” Martina, erotic podcaster.

Kiss & Tell Live Erotica and Comedy! Fat Tuesday 2/16, free, 7-10pm at Madame X in NYC: http://bit.ly/csczOG

I’m going to read something that has yet to be posted, and may never be posted…so would you miss out!?

See you all there!

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Guyish Guy: hi!

Plum: hi.

Guyish Guy: You like chocolate?

Plum: Sure why not (?)

Guyish Guy: Well my dick isn’t chocolate, but I have this sauce I can dip it in.

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A while back I wrote about qualities that my next ex-boyfriend should process. All these were good things; I just have to find him right?!  Well like everyone I’m sure my next ex-boyfriend has a list of qualities his next ex-girlfriend should have. So I thought I’d make it alittle easier for him.

13 reasons why I’ll make a great next ex-girlfriend.

1. I love to bake. And I need someone to eat my creations. Baking relives stress for me. I think because it’s so methodical and precise, and my life tends not to be that way. So if a boy loves pie and pudding, I’m his girl.

2. I’m a terrible liar. I turn red, I fumble my words, and if asked in a serious tone I’ve been known to tell secrets. I’ve never spilled anything people have told me in confidence, but if it’s about someone I maybe when confronted tell. I’ve been to many a surprise party I didn’t even know where parties because I can’t lie if confronted.

3. I shower daily, if not more, and brush and floss more then I should. How is that not a desirable quality?

4. I’m exotic. And if you don’t think that is true you’ve never experienced a Canadian Shield winter or summer mosquitoes that can suck a baby dry.

5. I am close to my family (ok sometimes alittle too close, but not in a creepy Morgan Freeman way) and they mean the world to me.

6. I’ve had the emotional abusive, verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive boyfriends. If you’re nice to me I’m pretty much head over heels already.

7. I love sex. Nough said.

8. I have so many amazing groups of friends. You can’t not love at least 10 of them, and no matter what happens with us, they are all great at being diplomatic and guarantee they’ll still love you after I don’t.

9. I love watching sports, on TV and from the stands. And if throw wings and beer into that mix I’m even more fun.

10. I have a nice rack. There I said it.

11. I believe in equality for all. And if you don’t you can just move on RIGHT now. (me and my blog don’t want you here)

12. I’m always up for an adventure. Name it, I’m probably game!

13. I make lists. They will make your life more productive, and if nothing less interesting and they create things to discuss.

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