The Lost Plum…

As I mentioned yesterday, I had been on “assignment” this past week.  So as I was fruit dropping in Whole Foods stores across the city I noticed something.

All the men are buying vegetables: not buying fruit. (could be a good thing)

So being the engineer my parents wished  I had become, I came up with a game I like to call.

MAN BOWLING

Rules of the Game: take one piece of fruit and roll (bowl) it towards an attractive man, and try to get it as close to him (the pin) as possible. Upon rolling quickly and flirt-erly chase after the fruit! Giggling is encouraged!

If you look at my states from yesterday, the fruits with the highest probability of ‘scoring’ were round and rolled well (oranges, coconuts, lemons)

Also, this game allowed me a greater playing field, I didn’t have to wait for a man to walk by me, I could roll my orange from produce into the meat section or frozen section (depending on the store) very easily.   

Also, this game is much more physical then just dropping fruit; it combines food and sports (2 of the best things ever!) 

SIDEBAR: If you are going to act like a foul and drop fruit to pick up men, you might as go for it and throw fruit allover the place to reach the really cute one way over there!  

FACT: The funny thing is, I’ve never really been bowling.  Unless, you count the tiny ball, more pins, I’m not an American bowling.

* This game is not to be confused with MAN-BASEBALL, the chances of getting a date out of that, aren’t as high….. believe me!

So this past week, Dating Boot Camp was all about how to “get a guy” and “putting yourself out there” As always, the last part of ‘camp’ is questions with the ever exciting (and sometimes changing) man panel.

One woman asked a question about specific places, and techniques to meet men. One of the “men” answered with this technique and place for meeting men: Go into the produce section and when you spot a good-looking man drop a piece of fruit. If he picks it up start a conversation, and if he doesn’t you don’t want him anyways.

FACT:  This is just ridiculous! And Simon Agreed! She also offered up a challenge, and I always up for a challenge agreed!

So over the last few days I have visited 4 WholeFoods stores (at different times and multiple occasions). I picked WholeFoods based on the fact that Boot Camp referred to it as an “organic” place to meet men, and I love a good lame pun!

SIDEBAR: The purpose of this adventure is to try the technique, thus, I used it on men I didn’t always find attractive.

At first it seemed just odd to be doing, but then, like any adventure I set out on, I found it to be fun, and a challenge, and at times maybe a little dangerous.

On the fist day at around 7pm a very nice employee at WholeFoods, came over to me out of concerns that I could not “hold onto” my produce.  He was concerned I needed help shopping, or even medical attention.  I assured him I was fine, bought my three pieces of fruit (he followed me all the way to checkout, carrying my fruit), and left and headed further downtown (with 9 business cards in my bag I might add!)

The next WholeFoods wasn’t as successful, and as I looked around thinking this was a bust, I notice another employ behind the meat/seafood counter. He was looking at me, and not in a good way.  He then game me that “come over here” motion with his finger.  I slinked over thinking, shit, I’m in trouble.

Him: What are you doing?

Me: Buying fruit, sorry, I’m clumsy.

Him: (gives me a stern look) You are much more attractive then the older woman who was trying that trick earlier!

(I laugh, what else was I to do)

Success = being asked for my number, and or being presented with a business card. Produce success:

Apple: 2 out of 18

Lemons: 13 out of 20

Coconut: 8 out of 9

Oranges: 13 out of 22

Mango: 4 out of 9

Potato: 19 out of 20 (boys are always buying potatoes)

FACT: I’m left with some bruised up fruit cause I felt bad and had to pay for it.

(reason #___why I’m single: No idea! I can drop fruit like the rest of them)

I was flipping through bad TV tonight trying to find something to watch and ended up settling on DEAD LIKE ME (on dvd).  Another ShowTime series which was cancelled way before it should have been.  Anyways, if you don’t know the show you should, and if you do I’ll try not to go into to many details.  Anyways, so there is the character of Delores. Delores is the typical older (spinster type) woman.  Although, she is very active, she still falls into that stereotype: living alone, best friend is a cat, knits, does crafts, and does far to much social networking (the spinsters of today are social network rockstars)

So as I watch it right now, and she is discussing the soon to be death of her cat. I’m thinking about the sadness that is my depressing  non-cat-filled life.

I’m watching TV on DVD which I’ve seen at least 5 times, eating cereal, and twittering while writing this.

(reason #___why I’m single: I think cereal is a food group on it’s own)

If you’ve been online in the last day or two I bet you have heard/seen all these leaked photos of one Ms.Tina Sherman.   She’s getting some serious traffic, but I tend to lean towards this happening because most, like me are sitting at their computer saying: “who the fuck is Tina Sherman? And oh boo-hoo her pictures got leaked”.  Well here’s the deal.  She “lost” her cell phone, and someone “leaked” the photos. The pictures on her cell where meant or her husbands eyes only. Not meant for all of us out driving along on the Internet Superhighway. Now first thing if I was to take a cell phone picture of myself naked and have it meant for someone else (lets say a boy) we’ll I’d take the picture and send it on over to his cell phone, and then delete it off my phone.  I don’t know about everyone else, but I’m under the understanding that we keep pictures on our phones because we either a: want to show them to people or b: we want to look at them.

Now if these pictures were for her husbands eyes only why are they are her phone, who else is she showing them to (or sending them to) or why the fuck does she need to keep looking at her self, it’s called a mirror sweetie.  Anyways, I’m ranting off topic.  She has her pictures leaked because: SHE LEFT HER PHONE AT A MCDONALD’S!

really sweetie, come on now!

So now instead of taking the high road and responsibility for being well STUPID, the Sherman’s (Phillip is the husband) are suing McDonald’s for $3 million. They are blaming McD’s for their emotional distress.  $3million, seriously, I think McDonald’s has caused me emotional distress too! Like that time they gave me the girl toy when I clearly asked for the rocking transformer boy toy with my happy meal.  That was gender bias and discrimination….maybe I should sue them for say $500, I could use $500 right about now!

FACT: Anything digital finds it ways to the masses. Just watch any movie!

SIDEBAR:  Mother has always told me: “Even boys who love you will love money more. So never make a sex-tape or let them take pictures of you with your panties off”

FACT:  You know there was no “lost” cell phone, and they leaked it themselves!

In this city you can virtually find anything you could ever possibly want to eat, and the options are endless.

Yet every once and a while you find out about a place, a seat, a show, a drink, a dish, or a desert that sounds just too good to be true. Thus, us New Yorkers drag ourselves down/up/out/in, and get the lowdown on what “people are talking about!”

Now after many absinthe adventure in Europe on many different occasion.  The thought of ordering an absinthe drink/cocktail just doesn’t do it for me.  I’ll pass it over almost every time.  

BUT one thing that has always got my heart racing and always will is candy!  I love me some gummi candy! 

So when I heard the phrase “absinthe” and “gummi bear” used in the same sentence.  I did my very best head turn and mentally took as many notes as my exploding mind could take at the time!

Let’s get this straight:

Absinthe Gummi Bears! (Yup that’s right…..let’s say it all together!)

So of course being the the gummi freak, the booze nut, and food lover I am, I was already planning an adventure to TAILOR in SoHo.

(Let’s forget the venue junk and get right to the good stuff)

Like all good drinking excursions moderation is the key! And in keeping with that, nestled right next to a warm cup of espresso sitting on my spoon was my Green Gummi Bear God (a God Made of 85% alcohol might I add)  Now I don’t usually take my booze with a side of espresso, but I must say it worked. And packed a nice little punch in the face!  And although I’m not a licorice fan (which is what absinthe tastes like) I will say my little green friend, like all gummi, was worth it!

On another note Tailor’s menu will keep you blushing, and afterwards you can always head downstairs for another drink to wet your whistle.  The specialty drink menu is a feast! I highly recommend the pumpernickel raisin infused scotch (I hardly ever order scotch at bars, but here I always do!)

“High adventure that’s beyond compare”:

Tailor

525 Broome (between Thompson and Sullivan)