The Lost Plum…

So awhile back I wrote about things I never want to hear a guy say to me again. I write about boys, and boy behavior, sure I guess I do, but I write more from my personal observations.

Anyways, like I talked about yesterday I get a lot of emails from readers. And I’ve had alot of my favorite boys out there say I need to write about what girls do that drive boys crazy.

Now, we all know my saying: “all guys are douche-bags, and all girls are crazy bitches”. But the thing is I’m not a guy so I can’t discuss what it is about girls that drive me crazy. I do have many female friends and I see and hear of them doing things that I would never find expectable in a relationship. But they are actually IN relationships, so some guys must obviously love the crazy-drama-girl-crap.

So, it got me thinking, what is something I know girls do that drives guys crazy. I thought and I thought…..and then!

SIDEBAR: This is where I get brilliant and insightful, watch-out!

Guys hate it when they encounter the hook in the front bra. (Well when they haven’t been informed) I gather that it is one of the most frustrating things ever. In fact, even more so then when they can’t get the back closer open. (At least they can find it, even if they need alittle help). Now granted the reveal from front opening bras are so much more spectacular! Serious, guys you know you love it! But not being told (or surprised) must be so infuriating.

So yeah if I were a guy I would have really hated my first encounter with a front closing bra. But I’m sure I’d love it when the girls on top and does that quick ‘finger flick’ and the bra just opens revealing all the glory. (You know just saying based on experience)

FACT: using the word ‘glory’ to describe boobs is subject to change. Some of us are just more ‘glorious’ than others.

I get more compliments on my glasses then anything, and they always create an easy opening line for conversation.  In fact, my glasses (all of them) are pretty close. They are the only thing I really need to function in the morning (I’m not a coffee person), and the one thing I always hide behind. I have been wearing plastic frame glasses since before they were cool, we’re talking back when they were so uncool it wasn’t even funny.

But I’ll be honest I almost never clean them. Now they aren’t terrible. I can see, and that’s what matters right? (well when they are nice and clean sure I see a little bit better but whatever) I guess I shouldn’t say never, but the thought to do so doesn’t always cross my mind.

Anyways, this got me thinking of  one those acts that guys do that I always found to be “chivalrous”  that guys do….and then I re thought it further.

I used to find it cute, wonderful, and all those words when guys would say “here” take my glasses and clean them.  I used to think they did this to be nice, and prove that every once and a while chivalry isn’t dead.

But then, I thought about this further, and a friend saying “I never see you clean your glasses” also brought it on.  Guys haven’t been cleaning my glasses because they were concerned about my sight, they were bothered by what they were seeing.  They clean them because then they don’t have to notice all the little imperfections and that bothers them. Bothers them more then it bothers me….and that bothers me.  Cause if I have to look at all the imperfections on your face, you can at least look at the imperfection on my lenses.

A purple spider, Punky Brewster, a tiger, and a ninja turtle all have one thing in common.  These are all things I have been for Halloween.

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.  I mean candy, costumes, drinking, and did I mention candy. What’s not to love!  It’s also the only holiday, which isn’t ‘family’ centered, maybe that is why we all love it!

Halloween is like over 200 years old and in my opinion maybe the most over commercialized and marketed holidays.  But more then that Halloween is over sexual.  It could be called “National Slut Day”. 

As Halloween draws upon us, all I see left right in center is slut attire. I was at the drug store buying tissues and cough drops and right next to the checkout were fishnets! (seriously?!)

Halloween is synonymies with cleavage, legs, and frankly sex. And females are mainly to blame (lame!).  Women dress in provocative garments to in most cases draw sexual attention and advances from men. Now I’m not saying anything is wrong with that but I think it’s gone a little far.  (this is where all my male readers which is about 90% of you chime in and say “hell no it hasn’t gone to far!”)

Halloween offers the opportunity to dress as anything at all and in true spirit dress as you something you really want to be.  Now I don’t know about you but I sure wasn’t telling everyone growing up in my sexy-school girl uniform that I wanted to be a prostitute.

I have never really dressed ‘sluty’ on Halloween so I can’t really judge can I.  In fact the costume I plan on wearing tomorrow is maybe my most sexy to date. And it’s not even that risky. In fact I traveled to many of the pop-up costume stores this city is filled with at this time in search of ‘additions’ to my costume. 

SIDEBR:  While at the costume store I over heard one girl tell her friend she should go as a prostitute because guys stick money in your boobs all night so it’s a win win!  (my eyes rolled, and I am rolling them again)

My costume this year needed alittle extra, and by little extra I mean 2-3 inches.  See in the spirit of National Slut day ever costume sold for women pretty much sits on your ass.  I mean maybe if you are a size 0 with no ass these lengths are appropriate but I grew up with my mother, who as soon as something went over the knee she raised a silently judging eyebrow.

StoreWorker:  Need help?

Me:  No I’m just looking for something, thank you.

StroreWorker:  Something in mind?

Me: Well, yeah actually I need something this colour or to match this.  (pulling out costume from my bag)

StoreWorker:  Are you looking for the same one? What’s wrong wit this one?

Me: It’s too short I need to add material to the bottom. Add more skirt.

StoreWorker: WHY?! 

Me: (laughing) It’s too short.

StoreWorker:  That’s how you get us guys to notice you. It’s sexy. You ain’t picking up if you ain’t showing leg.

Me: Honey, I was covered from head to toe and then some last year and I still had sex in the bar bathroom with a hot sailor. 

StoreWorker: (silent) Damn Girl!

It’s not about what you wear, it’s about how you wear it.  It’s about being confident in your own body, and I guess if most of us need that little “it’s ok it’s a holiday” excuse then I’m all for it.  Just make sure you have the confidence before you go throwing a mask over it. So embrace your sexy self and put on a costume or don’t it doesn’t matter. Just be comfortable in you, and the rest will fall into place.

MamaPlums advise for Halloween this year: “Play safe with others, and don’t accept candy or other ‘goodies’ from homeless men on the street. Oh and wear a hat you’re going to have cold weather”

PapaPlum left me a voice mail the other night with the following costume recommendation:  “You should go as someone who HAS received their flu shot. Hint hint.” (insert his laughter)

FACT: Sexy Sailor and I ‘dated’ for about 5 weeks after Halloween.  I didn’t even remember putting my number in his phone.  But I did…..that’s another story for a much later time.

If you’re one of those crazy kids who keeps coming back to my blog you have noticed something different on the right hand side.  The Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile button/badge/widget/what-cha-ma-call-it.

One of the best things about online dating is the ability to just brows though profile after profile as you secretly sit and judge people. Whether it is on their pictures, there likes, or their spelling.

Well now you can ‘judge’ out in the open. The  Who Has The Best Online Dating Profile Contest is a fun, feel good, and free contest.

SIDEBAR: Aren’t a member of OkCupid. It’s free so join, and check it out!  Maybe come find me….or don’t.

Both members and non-members have the opportunity to vote either on OKcupid, Right here, or on one of the numerous blogs helping to promote the contest. (like me–> to the right you can vote)

The Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest runs through November 30, 2009. Winners will be announced on December 2, 2009. All contest participants will be automatically enrolled in a sweepstakes for $250 cash.

So come join the fun. Vote for your favorite, vote for your friends, vote for me, and vote for yourself (we all do that it’s perfectly acceptable)

Some of the great blogs (well besides mine!) helping to promote the contest (check them out):

Little Miss Sarcasm, Suddenly Singles, Midtown Girl, Single Gal in the City, Rantings of a Single Girl, 20-forty.com, KB in NYC, Single City Guy, Your Dating Tales, You Make My Date, Not Your Mother’s Playground, Dating and Mating in America, Love in the Dumps, Swimming with Sharks, It Was Over When, Notes from the Dating Trenches

FACT: This contest is a co-promotion by SurveyGizmo.com and 2ChicksINC and is sponsored by OkCupid.

I’ve decided I want to learn to speak Spanish; well actually I want to learn it. Speaking isn’t a requirement.

Not because I think it will take me places (although some may argue that it is a great resume plus) or because I like to learn new things, or even because…..

I simple want to learn it for boys, actually to be exact for men. I want to learn Spanish for men!

Yup, you heard it right!

Now wait a minute, maybe I should be clear here for a minute. I don’t have a crush on a Spanish speaking man, although I do know a lot of very cute Spanish speaking boys!  Rather I feel left out of the conversation by men. Specifically, men on the street. To be even more specicfic men I walk by on the street.  Now, I can guees what they might be saying and I know where their intensions tend to lie, but I still don’t know what they are saying.

See the lovely young black gentalman I passed on my way to the subway tonight said the following:  ”where you headed to (something that sounded more like sounds rather then words) you sexy thang, come back here now”

That I understand (minus the grunting in the middle) but when I passed the sort little I’ll say nice looking (to be nice) man on the subway platform he said the following:

“Ca-soming-soming-Me-something with a do-daddy over the vowel”

? Right ?

Yeah, no clue!

Now it had the same tone as the guy I had passed a mere 5 minutes before, so my brain assumes it’s the same context, but then how do I know!  I’m the little Canadian girl who basically after years of vacations in Mexico I know how to say “yes, no” and the ever important “how much?”  (But drop me in France, and I’ll get behind those dirty men’s words)

So, I am setting out to learn Spanish! Or at least Google a good sight with Spanish pickup lines and then Google a translator site.  Any suggestions?

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