The Lost Plum…

Sitting on the sidewalk “homeless” Boy:  (raises a long stick/pole/cane infront of me as I’m walking…I stop) Want to buy me a slider?

Me: Excuse me?

Sitting on the sidewalk “homeless” Boy:  Want to buy me a slider?

Me: Do YOU want to buy me a slider?

Sitting on the sidewalk “homeless” Boy:  Seriously?

Me: Yeah, seriously don’t stop me with a stick and expect me to pay!

Sitting on the sidewalk “homeless” Boy:  (getting up) Or we could go grab a drink and then grab dinner or something.

Me: And we can invite everyone else who contributed to your slider fund. (pointing to his cup with change as I walk away)

Old Man On C Train:  Excuse me are you from Iraq?

Plum:  Umm…no.

Old Man On C Train: Cause honey you are the bomb!

Boy on L-Train: Hi * mumbles something very fast *

Plum: Pardon?

Boy on L-Train: * mumbles something very fast *

Plum: (laughs) I have no idea what you are saying….

Boy on L-Train: I said “Smile if you want to sleep with me.” And it worked.

Man in Suit: You are beautiful.

Plum: Thank you.

Man in Suit: I worked for the Clinton Administration so I know how to treat a lady. Can I take you out?

Plum: No thank you, I don’t really look good in Blue.

Sunglasses in Dark Bar Boy: Hi beautiful.

Me: hello. (walking towards friends)

Sunglasses in Dark Bar Boy: I’m here to inform you that you won.

Me: Pardon?

Sunglasses in Dark Bar Boy: You won. Congratulations!

Me: Won what?

Sunglasses in Dark Bar Boy: The most beautiful chick in the bar contest.

Me: (laughs) Oh really, what do I win for that.

Sunglasses in Dark Bar Boy: The prize is you get to go home with me tonight.