The Lost Plum…

I had the pleasure of attending CareFusion Jazz Festival NY at Carnegie Hall last week. The music, the venue, the company made for an amazing night. As the 1^st set ended and people got up to stretch their legs during the intermission, we noticed one particular man in a baseball cap, looking around as if he was lost in the enclosed vastness that is Carnegie Hall. He then walked towards the lobby area, but upon his return (without that hat) it was clear that this man was none other the headship of the Griswold clan, Mr. Chevy Chase.

Now this isn’t a post or even a blog where I talk about celebrities I’ve seen, meet, or am friends with….So then why does this post have an attraction to Chevy?

As ‘BabyBoy’ and I observed him during intermission from our first level booth I joked that although Keith Jarrett (the musician that night) made it very clear no photos or recording of any kind could be had. It seemed as if Chevy looked up to the heavens (or upper balconies) arms down with palms opened up as if he was speaking to all those around him, asking for us to notice him. I joked that we were going to hear an announcement informing us he was there and welcomed photographs.

I guess one could argue Mr. Chase went from 80s-90’s hay day to nonexistence, back to hit TV show.

SIDEBAR: I’ve only seen his new show ‘Community‘ twice. Frankly the guy from The Soup scares me. And I have enough nightmares as is.

So much like Chevy’s and in the same vain Ed O’Neill aren’t we all looking for our “come back” our new hit as it were of the 21st century.  Everyone loves a great comeback story don’t they?!

So in love we fall down sometimes. We get mud in our faces and we hurt. We sometimes feel unrecognizable to others and especially other potential mates. We go from love and happiness to shame, hurt, regret, and damages. Why would you be deserving of something big if you just messed up one before.

But then again you never know where you might find it. Where that next chance for a come back, that next chance at “love” is hiding.

Like my jokes about Chevy that night, in love we are always looking to be noticed. To be embraced as it were by people, in a sense just to be recognized.

We can either sit and wait for it to happen(which it eventually does), or you can look up, look around and take notice of it all, and make people notice you.

Like Carnegie Hall we all have beautiful details in our world, filled with different people, and if you’re lucky great music! However this world is pretty enclosed when you think about. Your reach isn’t as great as you might want it to be, so we need to take advantage of what we have and see around us.  We to observe.

Take a moment, stand up, and look around.  The possibilities are endless and yet where all confined. Open yourself up to be noticed, to being recognized, and inturn being loved.

There might be a ceiling keeping us in, but when you open your eyes and let people see you, you just might be flying…..and the music is pretty good  up here, and I think Chevy would agree!

Here in one of the greatest cities in the world the majority of us commute/travel/get around via public transit.

The subway system being one of the most popular, it’s usually always there for you (usually). It gets you places, it provides entertainment and it opens doors.

You could say it is the most constant relationship I’ve had since moving to NYC.

SIDEBAR: We did have that 3-month break but that’s another story.

Yup, I think the subway is my true NYC boyfriend. He’s usually on time, he smells sometimes, he’s cool, and always has someplace to take me…. oh and he’s a fun big long thing to ride on!

However, if it’s my one true relationship I must project my fears and hang-ups that I usually foresee in men on my beloved subway boyfriend.

And I do. I’m scared of the subway most of the time. I stand back away from the edge (see above sidebar), I get disgusted by others my boyfriend lets ride on him, I make comments about his smell and appearance, I worry when he’s not on time, and I get pissed when he’s not there for me when I need him, yet he seems to be there for others.

But like all relationships I’m prepared for what might go wrong.  See the subway has its emergency plan. It is in ever car, on every line: The, “what to do in case of an emergency” procedure plan.

The emergency brake is usually right above this list of procedures. The list of what to do in case of fire, evacuation, illness, police emergency and so on.  What does one do? Not what you think. In fact you don’t pull the emergency brake.

In all emergency matters you never pull the brake.

The brake is like a false security. Much like the false security you have in a relationship. If something goes wrong you can’t just push a button or pull a cord and all will be ok. You can’t always walk away unscathed.

In case of an emergency you need to turn to the procedures to handle the situation in the right manner. You need to calm down and walk through step by step.

In relationships we aren’t always prepared for the “emergencies” we face but we can’t always fall back on a false security that things will be ok.  Something or in this case someone isn’t always there to catch you, isn’t there to save you, and in most cases just isn’t there fore you.

Although, subway emergencies don’t happen often, relationship emergencies happen all the time. Whether it is a real fire, or just an irate passenger we need to learn to just breath and take the right steps in making things better.

Now if only there was a manual for that…..

So every Sunday I give you a taste from the  four plus notebooks I have filled with bad pick up lines that men have actually used on me.

Let’s face it we all find ourselves in situations with the opposite sex (and same sex) that are less than ideal.  The retched being picked up or should I say attempt at being picked up is always a circumstance I dread.  However, after years of practice I’ve found some interesting and straight up nasty ways of getting that man who has attached himself to me to leave.

SIDEBAR:  Those who know me are always shocked when I pull these out of the bag of tricks, because I’m always the nice one who will politely talk to the creepy boy and make a nice and descent exit, however, sometimes you can’t hold back.

6 Excuses I have used to get out of talking to a guy (or ways to get him to leave you alone!)

1.  When he asks you what kind of drink you want and insists he buys you one even after you’ve made it clear you don’t want one you come up with a disgusting drink concoction. This concoction should include two types of alcohol and orange soda if possible.  My personal favorite is Jamison, Greygoose, orange soda, and bitters.  When he asks if it’s good you say: “ No, but it gets me angry drunk, and that’s what I’m going for tonight!

2. Put a ring on it!  Yes girls do take rings off their other fingers turn them around and make them look like wedding rings so they can tell guys they are married. However, this doesn’t always work, but when you tell him you are married, make sure you say it’s to a woman.  Guys are fascinated by lesbians, but for some reason they get turned off by married lesbians.

3. Pretend you are deaf.  This only works when you are alone, and not sitting with headphones on.  I have on more than one occasion pretended I couldn’t hear on the subway when some creepy man has started to talk to me. I also do a great ‘deaf speak’ of “ I can’t hear” with the sign language followed by a smile and a look away.  This should not be confused with not speaking English. Guys get turned on by the idea of you not speaking English, but no one wants to be the creep hitting on the deaf girl.

4.  When at a bar ask the guy if he came with any female friends. When he asks why, or says yes. Ask if he thinks they might have a tampon cause you’re bleeding through them like crazy. They run faster than Moses parted the red sea.

5.  Start to dry heave and excuse yourself. Only at a small house party gathering will you maybe encounter the guy who will follow you and want to hold your hair, otherwise they’re done with you. Starting to pick your nose also works very well, as long as you get right up in there.

6. When they ask for your number say it’s better if they give you theirs because you wont be availed for a while. Tell them your doctors says you shouldn’t be having sex until 5 days after this cycle of medication you’re on is finished.

I go out and drink. We all know I’d be lying if I tried to say I didn’t. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it’s definitely been known to happen on a few occasions, and for those of you who follow me on twitter would agree with that statement.

Like most people I have my drink of choice. I’m a top-shelf gin and tonic girl, extra lime please. However, I love me a good (scratch that) great Mojito!

SIDEBAR: a Mojito is not supposed to be too sweet and when there isn’t a ton of sugar in them they are divine! I have been known to devour quite a few when the occasion arises.

So if you don’t know what a Mojito is that’s cool I’ll forgive you guys, all I will say is a major component is Mint. Yummy yummy crushed up mint.

Here is something I’ve always noticed and always commented on when out drinking Mojito.

I always get a stick! Now I’m sure getting a bit of stick attached to the mint steam has happened to lots of people. But this happens to me every single time. One drink after another, one bartender after another.

I always have this short piece of stick in my Mojito! Always!

Maybe it’s a sign of something. Maybe it’s Dionysus or some other drinking God alluding to facts unknown in life. Maybe my life has been one giant stick, or better yet maybe my dating life, my love life always seems wonderful, seems perfect, is much like a delicious Mojito but deep down inside is a shark little stick, a small flaw getting ready to pock me and bust the bubble.

And then again you never know. Cause about two months ago I went on a amazing first date, and in the spirit of being honest had about 5 (maybe 6) Mojito over dinner, and not one, NOT A ONE had a stick in them….

Hmmm… maybe it was a sign or something.

At the end of any relationship things go unsaid. I think we can all agree on this fact. We don’t say everything we want to say, we say thing we don’t mean, and for some of us it’s the only time we stick with the “silence is golden” rule.

Almost 6 or 7 or even 8 years since I had even spoken or seen “first guy” he tracked me down at a job (aka he googled the hell out of me) called my work mid day and asked me to forgive him for how badly he had treated me.  I told him simple he didn’t have to ask me to forgive him because I already had.

Fact of the matter is I didn’t forgive him (well maybe I did) I just didn’t care anymore. I could careless. I spend most of our hour conversation in which he wanted to “catch up” wondering what type of 12 step program he was in, in which he needed my forgiveness.

FACT: I may have asked if he was in rehab.

SIDEBAR: This call from him also came a few months before he married wife number 2, so maybe that is how they were connected.

So my question of thought rolls around this…..is it better to say things regardless of your timing then to never say them at all?

Does letting out thought and feelings in regards to relationships better then bottling them up and waiting for hem to go away. And in that case do they ever really all go away.

A few months back I drunkenly told a guy I had cared deeply about that he broke my heart when he said he couldn’t be involved with me (after we had been involved) Did I mean it, yeah, but did I really mean it, I don’t think so.  (does that make sense?!)

It felt good to get it out there. To say “you hurt me, I’m over it, now lets be friends!” And great friends we are!

Last summer I had a good guy friend get married. This guy friend and I had started something once, but timing and location made it impossible. One of the “what if” relationships. We all have them, in fact, life is full of those “what if” moment.  (In fact that is a whole blog on it’s own)

This friend called me two days before he got married to tell me that exact thing.  “What if” and how he “wished we had been able to give it a shoot” with me.

So why is it when it comes to relationships, when it comes to matters of the heart do we close up when something is right in front of us, but later on we let out how hurt we are, what we regret, and ask for forgiveness?