The Lost Plum…

A few months back there was a small gathering at my old apartment, just before the move. I wasn’t really apart of it (that’s a whole other story) so I’m in my room and I hear:

“We need a man here to open this jar”

“Or at least a real big butch lesbian”

(Could be funny, but I thought both statements were just sad, but I’m only going to respond to the first comment)

“… a man here to open this jar” Really? Now I know you’re on your third bottle of wine at 2pm on a Sunday afternoon, but that is never an excuse.

Now, this is where everyone rolls their eyes and cringes for the feminist rant that is about to come. Except, it’s not coming.

That’s right. I could careless about a stupid stance on not needing a man for anything, pro woman, fem-nazi shit. I hate that bullshit. I have a vagina and it makes me no better then you, in fact I could careless, sometimes I wish it wasn’t even there. Keep the bra burning fem-nazi pro woman loving bitches away from me.

The real issue here is the fact that men (and in this case I fear the men in these ladies lives) are being degraded and lowered to muscle, to having nothing to contribute but a primal expectation.

Now not saying a man’s primal instincts aren’t a good thing!

Now I will admit most guys are very good at opening jars, but I’m pretty good at it too!

It’s not a skill I list on my resume, shit I hope no one lists it on theirs.

I don’t know what the point of this post is. I guess I just want to say I like boys in my life (regardless of their ‘status’ or what have you) I like them not what they can DO for me. I mean doing for and just doing are different right?

If a man can’t open a jar, or reach something up high he is still a man. And that is a wonderful thing!

FACT: My all time favorite thing I saw on a resume that once crossed my desk: “I Sparkle!!”

SIDEBAR: I DO need a man to come show me how to program work my heat thermostat wall thinger. But that is using him for the brain!

I got an email late last night from one of my readers, or maybe a passer by, who knows. And I thought I needed to address this email in the open, to everyone. Not for any specific reason, just cause I feel like it. My answer is something I tell people often when I discuss this blog and my dating/sex/relationship status and practices. However, I realized that I don’t know most of you so I should let you know as well.

FACT: Just because you email me doesn’t mean I will respond to it out in the open. Although, it maybe time for one of these posts again.

Her email included the following:

“You don’t date and write about it like other sex and dating blog people. Are you dating someone and just not talking about it? Are you just not interested in dating? What is up with you in terms of your dating life? You just write so different then the other women dating bloggers I read in the city…”

Well….. first and foremost I want to say:

Thank you!

I read most of the other “dating” blogs here in the city, and even outside of the city. I even socialize with a few other writers. I like most everyone out there but I am happy that you find me different, so thank you. I never went in to blogging (this blog or any other) wanting to emulate anyone, or be like someone else.

SIDEBAR: I’ll be honest there are a very small handful of bloggers I don’t like. I don’t like what they write, how they write, how they interact with others, what their blog design looks like, and some I don’t like as people (and like almost everyone!). And frankly I’m sure lots don’t like me (And I could care less)!

I am glad you find me different even if it’s hinted as not a good thing.

I never really categories myself as a “dating/relationship/sex” blogger, although I guess that is where I fit.

I like to tell people “I write about me. I just happen to meets lots of boys….so I guess I write about boys”

I am far from an expert at dating or relationships. And would never claim to be. I have no advanced degrees in psychology or anything in the like. (although, I do have a very large education resume) Many may claim age and experience give them their “cred” but I simple disagree. So I don’t give advice and should probably add a “don’t try this at home” section to my legal statement at the bottom of this page.

Here is the main thing and my main point: I don’t date to write.

Frankly some people out there do. I find it ridiculous. What’s the fun in that?! It takes something fun and interesting: dating and love and sex and all that jazz, and makes it work. Not my goal, not my way, not my vibe.

I’m not going to bore you about every little detail of every date I go on, right down to where we went and what we ate. Who cares?!

I am not going to bore you with tales of endlessly spending night inside weeding through online profiles in hopes to make a connection just so I can write about it. And even if I did tell you of my fishing expeditions it would end up more like this post.

I’m not going to write about every cute and interesting boy I meet. Hell I’d be writing forever!

I mean maybe me never talking about my at the moment/in the moment dating and sex life makes me look desperate or pathetic in some way. Or just seem like a big loser, but I tend to think of it the other way.

I tell you stories I want to, I like to laugh at my self, and hopefully I make you all laugh too. And maybe sometimes I’ll throw alittle serious heartache story in the mix.

I am just me. Lost. And if you choose to not Find me that’s cool.

Also, I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again. I do not write about boys I am currently involved with or boys who feelings I care about, even if we are not dating. Some stuff is not for discussions, and not anyone else business….not because I’m ashamed of anything but because I care about others feelings. (and then sometimes I just ignore peoples feelings….my bad) Also, sometimes (although not very often) my life can be pretty plain and normal….so there is that!

But then again I could be looking at this whole love, sex, relationship, dating, and blogging thing all-wrong.

But then again….I never have an issue finding boys.

And sometimes, just sometimes I even find my heart a flutter.

I went and saw the Valentine’s Day movie with the ever-amazing Nando a few weeks back. And we saw alot of things that day/night, some that I may tell, and some which I may want to forget. It was a night to remember that is for sure!

Anyways about 2 rows in front of us was a couple. I think we both rolled our eyes at the ridiculousness that was this chick to our selves, and then she opened her mouth, Nando and I turned to each other and together sighed “oh my god!”

And thus one of my many lists had to be born. The chick in question although she does not deserve it, is number one.

7 types of Girls who have boyfriends, and probably don’t deserve them (in my humble plum opinion).

1. Girlfriend in movie theatre who talks about how great the Sex in the City 2 trailer was because her boyfriend missed it while buying her popcorn. And then discusses her favorite Friends episode while the Jennifer Aniston trailer is playing.

2. The girlfriend that looks more like a boyfriend. Her body ain’t bad and her fake tits are a sight to be seen but honey I’m pretty sure she has an atoms apple larger then an actual apple. Look up the statistics of how many babies are born with attributes of both sexes and their parents pick the sex. Then realize that about 80% of those parents pick female. That’s a whole lota ugly chicks running around. Digest that for a minute!

3. Your girlfriend in the pink flannel PJ pants with martin glasses and lips all over them. If she’s leaving the house dressed like that now (even if it’s just to run to the store) just think how she’ll be dressed once she pops out a few kids.

4. Chicks who wear thongs and only thongs ever. Not cause it’s wrong but because I just hate those skinny bitches!

5. Girl at the bar during the game who keeps jumping on her boyfriends lap during key plays and talking about ‘girly’ stuff while eating her salad with a glass of water.  Bitch there’s a game on!

6. Girls who buy their guys matching outfits. Are you serious right now? It’s one thing if you match with you best gay for a night at the gay bar, or your little ugly dog, but other then that you should never plan to dress like a guy.

7. Any girl who changes any guy. No matter what she says or thinks. You my guy friend are wonderful in your own special way.

A while back I wrote about qualities that my next ex-boyfriend should process. All these were good things; I just have to find him right?!  Well like everyone I’m sure my next ex-boyfriend has a list of qualities his next ex-girlfriend should have. So I thought I’d make it alittle easier for him.

13 reasons why I’ll make a great next ex-girlfriend.

1. I love to bake. And I need someone to eat my creations. Baking relives stress for me. I think because it’s so methodical and precise, and my life tends not to be that way. So if a boy loves pie and pudding, I’m his girl.

2. I’m a terrible liar. I turn red, I fumble my words, and if asked in a serious tone I’ve been known to tell secrets. I’ve never spilled anything people have told me in confidence, but if it’s about someone I maybe when confronted tell. I’ve been to many a surprise party I didn’t even know where parties because I can’t lie if confronted.

3. I shower daily, if not more, and brush and floss more then I should. How is that not a desirable quality?

4. I’m exotic. And if you don’t think that is true you’ve never experienced a Canadian Shield winter or summer mosquitoes that can suck a baby dry.

5. I am close to my family (ok sometimes alittle too close, but not in a creepy Morgan Freeman way) and they mean the world to me.

6. I’ve had the emotional abusive, verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive boyfriends. If you’re nice to me I’m pretty much head over heels already.

7. I love sex. Nough said.

8. I have so many amazing groups of friends. You can’t not love at least 10 of them, and no matter what happens with us, they are all great at being diplomatic and guarantee they’ll still love you after I don’t.

9. I love watching sports, on TV and from the stands. And if throw wings and beer into that mix I’m even more fun.

10. I have a nice rack. There I said it.

11. I believe in equality for all. And if you don’t you can just move on RIGHT now. (me and my blog don’t want you here)

12. I’m always up for an adventure. Name it, I’m probably game!

13. I make lists. They will make your life more productive, and if nothing less interesting and they create things to discuss.

I discussed standards the other day. How we need to learn to let things go after awhile. But thing is there are still things that we will always be attracted to about the opposite sex. I need nice teeth, some people need nice eyes, and some need boobs. This is the fact of life here, and that’s not to say some guy who loves boobs might fall in love with a flat as a little boy woman, it happens.

FACT: Me falling for a guy with bad teeth will never happen just so you know!

But what about a personality, or even more so the material things that reflect a persons personality.

We live in a materialistic world, and everyone loves things, no matter what they tell you. Things are good, and things somewhat make who you are. Like I hate getting rid of books that is telling to who I am.

So I’ve been thinking about what materials reflect well on a suitor I am have. Now reflecting materials are best seen in ones home. My kitchen aid mixer and my matching towels reflect more about my personality then my designer shoes and bags, or what glasses I happen to be wearing. How someone fills their living space, in a true reflection of how they fill their brain.

As I’ve slowly been unpacking my apartment and figuring out where to put everything I looked at my pile of art work and it made me think of guys. Guys with art.

Here is one thing I love, and something that will automatically make me intrigued and instantly more attracted to a guy. Art!

Now he doesn’t have to spend a fortune on art, or anything like that. Even one piece will make me look differently and pay more attention. This can even be a photograph. Guys with art make me swoon and get me interested in them. Their art choices tells alot about their personality, their likes, their dislikes, and their inner beauty.

I’ve become extremely attracted to guys with art collections, and photography walls. I can spend hours in museums so why not spend hours at a guy’s place admiring art and having sex.

An apartment without art is not a home, and if you don’t have a “home” why would I want to play house with you.