The Lost Plum…

I was re reading a some blog posts for another project I’m working on when I stumbled over this one and it got me thinking, it got me over thinking and thinking even more but I degrees.

It got me thinking about the truth.

What is the truth when it comes to a relationship.

Is truth really what someone speaks or does it become what we know? Now that in a nutshell has been my ‘food for thought’ for the last few days.

If in the span of a relationship you hear over and over again how much you mean to someone; how someone would do anything for you; how much someone loves, cherishes and wants to spend the rest of their life with you; how someone has never ever been with anyone as amazing as you…..is it truth because it is spoken or does it become truth once you believe it?

Are people who lie really at fault or are we at fault when we process a lie and choose to believe it?

Cause as of lately I lean towards it being the recipient of such ‘truths’ fault. I’ve always been intrigued by lying as an art form I’ve spoken on this before, and it’s mainly because I’m such a terrible liar. (I guess I just wish I were better at it) I speak what I mean, I probably reveal too much and never reveal anything I’m a 100% sure on.

Should you waste time hating someone for lying to you, or should you just focus on the fact that hating yourself for believing it makes more sense…….

When I’m lied to I often am at fault for believing it. I’m gullible most times to things I should never believe. I’d like to think as I have aged I’ve gotten better at this, and living in NYC has helped too.

So when I’m told something I believe that the other individual truly means what they are saying, and therefore how can you not believe what you are told.

How can anyone not believe the lies that get listed over an over again in a long-term relationship. (that is if they are lies, who really knows)

Because if you believe someone loves you, or cares for you, or gets you, or wants you, or even respects you, is it not mostly your fault when you come to the realization that they never did anything of the things listed above?

Much like a tree falling in the woods, can a lie really be a lie if no one is there to believe it…….?

Life is an interesting thing. It gives us ups and downs, and even more ups and downs. We face the given and the surprising, and we evolve every minute at a time.

One thing I think we all evolve with is our belief systems. Now this can be so many things and ideas. Beliefs cover everything. Yes everything. From politics, sex, and how long to wait after eating to go swimming our beliefs shape our every move.

Yes, what we believe in is in a sense what keeps us rolling. It dictates our everyday life, and our belief systems (although constantly changing) are our fundamental core.

And then there is religion. Oh the great topic of religion. Now I can’t pretend to even have a conversation on this topic, because not only is it specific to each individual (yes even if you are a member of an organized one) but also I don’t really know if I have every really known what religion means and in turn has meant to me.

I grew up Catholic. Very Catholic.  Catholic school, church every week, grace before a meal, hell I was even an alter server in church (one of the best ever I might add) But at the end of the day what does growing up Catholic even mean. I have no idea!

I really don’t.  I personally believe that you can never quite escape what you come from, as much as lots of people say. And although I don’t think I would ever shout form the roof tops that I believe in God, or that I am Catholic, and the end of the day I think I would have to associate most with being Christian, only because that idea and belief system has been grilled into my brain for so very long.

But again, what does that even mean!?

All I know is for as long as I really remember. As long as what is actually relevant in my adult life I’ve been more a fan of keeping the George Michael kind of Faith, then the kind that involves a God.

And then there was yesterday. Where I found myself sitting, waiting, and in prayer. I prayed. And exactly what the means…..I have no idea. But it happened, a for real prayer in the first time in a for real long time.

I am not to sure what this post is about except maybe change, and life, and at the end of the day it’s just about me….me on one specific day. So there you go.

We hear, “Don’t hate the player, hate the game”……all the time.

Well I have to disagree it should be:

Don’t hate the player, hate the education system** for failing to prepare the vast majority of boys*** for creative communication and management skills that are  needed to navigate through life.

** outside education and inside (home) education

*** notice I say boys

SIDEBAR: Yeah I know I didn’t do the follow up post from last monday…I know….

We live in a world where text messages, IMs, emails, RSS feeds, and tweets dominate how we communicate or receive news. (And I guess you can through the phone into this equation as well)

My mother once called me 19 times within a 3-hour period (no message) when I finally picked up one of her calls after I had gotten out of a meeting:

“What! What do you want?”

“Oh..hi..haven’t heard your voice in a few days..how are things?”

“Did someone die?”

“No, why?”

“Cause unless someone dies don’t call me 20plus times in a day.”

“Oh, well if someone died I’d just send you an email.”

Great thanks mom. I can just see it now: “so and so died today. Very sad. It’s really sunny here today but looks like you are getting rain in NY. Pack an umbrella. Love you” (no joke that what it would be!)

So maybe I can rationalize a death email, maybe. Maybe even via facebook, or an IM.  People are always complaining about being broken up via facebook. Well actually I’ve only ever heard of girls complaining about this, which sorta equals you’re a big crazy and he doesn’t want to even talk to you.

But in a world full of all these impersonal forms of communications for important messages, where do we draw the line.

It’s become the norm like a said to breakup online, via email, or text. People have proposed via twitter, and updated facebook status from a funereal.

What should be personal, and what shouldn’t?

I think everything goes. If you want to say your vows on twitter, or tell the world on facebook that you cheated on you boyfriend, go for it. Be my guest.

But then there is one thing I think has to be a personal moment, one thing that completely changes when it’s done in person.

The simple apology.

Having someone apologize for bad behavior via IM or text, or even facebook is not and can never be the same as a simple to your face apology.

In fact, can you really be forgiven if you don’t ask for it in person?

Every Sunday I post my SUNDAY PULL which is a collection of pickup lines, all real, and all used on me.

I’ve said it before but I want to repeat it again is that these pickup lines I have been collecting for eight years. EIGHT!  That’s along time. I have three note books / journals filled with these and therefore I have my Sunday posts set for years, even if I have nothing else to say I’ll always have my Sunday post.

I get a lot of messages, twitter replies, and DMs about these incidences. Most people think they happen recently even that week.  Although some are recent with many since I’ve been in NYC, most haven’t happened in the last few months.

I have not really been “picked up” “been hit on” or had creepers talk to me in a while.  Now one could say it’s cause I’m taken, but then again there is that age old argument that when you are taken is when people show the most interest: and I’m a firm believer in that idea.

So I’m going to tell you why I’m not getting hit on, and it’s very true.

I get hit on far less because I frankly have gotten fat.

Like more then I’ve ever weighed in my life plus 46 pounds.

I am kid of pretty. I mean let’s be honest, I’m not hideous. But I have got fat.

And guys don’t hit on fat girls.

They just don’t.

Now yes yes yes there are those guys that love them some thing to grab onto, I’m not arguing that. But those aren’t the majority.

And yes there are just straight up creepers out there who hit on anything with boobs, but when you are overweight female (especially in NYC) your chances of being picked up go way down.  They just do. It has nothing to do with confidence, or how you put yourself out there, or any of those relevant but bullshit answers.

I had this conversation with a bunch of girl friends whose weight has fluctuated, and they all agreed with me. Fat is less desirable. That’s just a fact of life.

Again I’m not saying fat girls don’t get hit on, or shouldn’t get hit on.  We’re all deserving of love, but some just aren’t shown it as much as others.

But then again, maybe they should, wouldn’t some say they are an easy target?

I’m the same person I’ve always been just with a bigger waistline, and guys don’t hit on me as much as they have in the past.

And I’ve become highly suspicious of any “fat girl” who claims to be hit on all the time.

What say you?