In every relationship there are those little things we bring to the table that just might irk our partner in some way. You know what I’m talking about, those things that we all do that seem to drive the other person a little batty regardless of how much “love” they have for you.
My ex used to get into bed and sleep in his pants if he was too tired or drunk or most likely too lazy to bother taking them off. (He’s probably the only person on the face of the earth who has said they like sleeping in jeans) I hate nothing more than dirty pants in bed or feet or socks. Bothers me to know end! I seem to recall a few past instances of me throwing a little hissy as I grabbed clean blankets and slept on the couch because now my bed was infected with dirty pants and shoe grossness. BUT these aren’t the types of things I’m talking about.
I’m not taking about the stuff that infuriates. I’m talking about those little things you do almost on purpose because you know it bothers the other person. When you do that thing to drive someone ‘crazy’ in a humorous manner to provoke and almost fight (if you can even call it that) which ends up with you both sorta giggling cause you just can’t help it.
Do you know what I’m talking about? Maybe it’s making a joke at the others expense about some old nick name, or always bring up an old incident that you know you shouldn’t but you can’t help it…
My Bestest Pal and I were talking about this topic while on holiday last week. Her dad called half and half creamer “arf and arf” (just like a dog sound) and it would driver her mother crazy. Every morning when he’d make her coffee he’d ask if she wanted “arf and arf” Every morning! Even though he knew she hated it and he knew she’d give him a hate glare and maybe start yelling, but in the end they’d end up laughing.
My patents (my mother is dying somewhere if she knew this was about to go public) have theirs over toilet paper. Yes Toilet Paper, or as my dad calls it (wait for it) Bum Wipe. Yup “bum wipe.” My mother dies inside every time he says it and they have this little argument back and forth until they both are giggling over of all things toilet paper. (some times it’s been big arguments, a few times she threw plates)
I have these funny little memories of him writing “bum wipe” on groceries lists on the kitchen counter and laughing to himself, as he’d leave the house in the morning.
Of his yelling from the bathroom “honey we are out of bum wipe!” and her yelling “you need bum wipe I’ll give you your bum wipe!!” as she’d chuck roll after roll into the bathroom slam the door in a huff and puff but be giggling as she walked away. Or being in a place like Costco and having him be like “ohhh look at how cheap this bum wipe is” and her yelling his name and hushing him while she turned red from embarrassment as he’d hug her and they would giggle. My dad is the only person who can get away with saying bum wipe in our house; my brother and I both learned that lesson the hard way.
Who would think one day I’d say to myself I want that. I want a relationship where we have our own “bum wipe”. It sounds so perfectly dysfunctional and amazingly imperfect…. I just don’t want mine to be over toilet paper.