No seriously I’m not interested…
So every Sunday I give you a taste from the four plus notebooks I have filled with bad pick up lines that men have actually used on me.
Let’s face it we all find ourselves in situations with the opposite sex (and same sex) that are less than ideal. The retched being picked up or should I say attempt at being picked up is always a circumstance I dread. However, after years of practice I’ve found some interesting and straight up nasty ways of getting that man who has attached himself to me to leave.
SIDEBAR: Those who know me are always shocked when I pull these out of the bag of tricks, because I’m always the nice one who will politely talk to the creepy boy and make a nice and descent exit, however, sometimes you can’t hold back.
6 Excuses I have used to get out of talking to a guy (or ways to get him to leave you alone!)
1. When he asks you what kind of drink you want and insists he buys you one even after you’ve made it clear you don’t want one you come up with a disgusting drink concoction. This concoction should include two types of alcohol and orange soda if possible. My personal favorite is Jamison, Greygoose, orange soda, and bitters. When he asks if it’s good you say: “ No, but it gets me angry drunk, and that’s what I’m going for tonight!
2. Put a ring on it! Yes girls do take rings off their other fingers turn them around and make them look like wedding rings so they can tell guys they are married. However, this doesn’t always work, but when you tell him you are married, make sure you say it’s to a woman. Guys are fascinated by lesbians, but for some reason they get turned off by married lesbians.
3. Pretend you are deaf. This only works when you are alone, and not sitting with headphones on. I have on more than one occasion pretended I couldn’t hear on the subway when some creepy man has started to talk to me. I also do a great ‘deaf speak’ of “ I can’t hear” with the sign language followed by a smile and a look away. This should not be confused with not speaking English. Guys get turned on by the idea of you not speaking English, but no one wants to be the creep hitting on the deaf girl.
4. When at a bar ask the guy if he came with any female friends. When he asks why, or says yes. Ask if he thinks they might have a tampon cause you’re bleeding through them like crazy. They run faster than Moses parted the red sea.
5. Start to dry heave and excuse yourself. Only at a small house party gathering will you maybe encounter the guy who will follow you and want to hold your hair, otherwise they’re done with you. Starting to pick your nose also works very well, as long as you get right up in there.
6. When they ask for your number say it’s better if they give you theirs because you wont be availed for a while. Tell them your doctors says you shouldn’t be having sex until 5 days after this cycle of medication you’re on is finished.
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