The Lost Plum…

Every Sunday I post my SUNDAY PULL which is a collection of pickup lines, all real, and all used on me.

I’ve said it before but I want to repeat it again is that these pickup lines I have been collecting for eight years. EIGHT!  That’s along time. I have three note books / journals filled with these and therefore I have my Sunday posts set for years, even if I have nothing else to say I’ll always have my Sunday post.

I get a lot of messages, twitter replies, and DMs about these incidences. Most people think they happen recently even that week.  Although some are recent with many since I’ve been in NYC, most haven’t happened in the last few months.

I have not really been “picked up” “been hit on” or had creepers talk to me in a while.  Now one could say it’s cause I’m taken, but then again there is that age old argument that when you are taken is when people show the most interest: and I’m a firm believer in that idea.

So I’m going to tell you why I’m not getting hit on, and it’s very true.

I get hit on far less because I frankly have gotten fat.

Like more then I’ve ever weighed in my life plus 46 pounds.

I am kind of pretty. I mean let’s be honest, I’m not hideous. But I have become fat.

And guys don’t hit on fat girls.

They just don’t.

Now yes yes yes there are those guys that love them some thing to grab onto, I’m not arguing that. But those aren’t the majority.

And yes there are just straight up creepers out there who hit on anything with boobs, but when you are overweight female (especially in NYC) your chances of being picked up go way down.  They just do. It has nothing to do with confidence, or how you put yourself out there, or any of those relevant but bullshit answers.

I had this conversation with a bunch of girl friends whose weight has fluctuated, and they all agreed with me. Fat is less desirable. That’s just a fact of life.

Deal!

Again I’m not saying fat girls don’t get hit on, or shouldn’t get hit on.  We’re all deserving of love, but some just aren’t shown it as much as others.

But then again, maybe they should, wouldn’t some say they are an easy target?

I’m the same person I’ve always been just with a bigger waistline, and guys don’t hit on me as much as they have in the past.

And I’ve become highly suspicious of any “fat girl” who claims to be hit on all the time.

What say you?

I did something the other day. Something I haven’t done in like 4 years.

I started to clean out my address book on my phone.  I began the daunting task of deleting numbers unneeded, adding to those I have further information for, and all the good head scratching that comes from filing through ones address book of 724 contacts.

I have friends, work contacts, old work contacts, restaurants, stores, doctors, old friends, and of course boys.

We all have our own version of the chick-ionary or in my case I guess my dick-ionary.  And we live in an age where such books, such contacts are usually on our phones (and consequently our computers).

And in the digital age t has allowed us to gather more information, or a greater vocabulary to add to our dictionaries.

My girl friends always tell me I’m crazy for keeping number of like ever guy I have ever exchanged numbers with in my phone.  They never understand why I don’t delete them. My response is always that then I know who is contacting me.  The response is always the same “Well I don’t pick up unknown numbers” and the way it is always said is sorta a dig. I’m not sure what type of dig but the tone is always there.

Of course I don’t pick up unknown calls. Who really does?! The real problem is those unknown text messages.  Those really throw me for a loop. I am always to intrigued to answer back.  Thus knowing and having numbers for almost everyone I have encountered in life is important. Or at least I used to think it was…..maybe that has changed, but then again maybe it hasn’t.

SIDEBAR: I always add little notes to every contact I have to help better recognize or establish who they are. These include “works with so and so” “from Texas” “the boyfriend” “reflexology” “so and so’s bitchy girlfriend” “mommy-moo” “my best Pal” and so on….

Regardless I’ve started deleting numbers. These at the moment are mostly composed of random guys numbers, which I’ve decided I don’t need because I frankly don’t care. But for your reading enjoyment I leave you with 7 favorites of mine thus far.

Dan ( the onion ring guy from bar) yuiy8

Hj ehBehn (guys friend food likes 22 years old)

BJ hater dude (two shirt)

Shawn (not sean! old married guy in pj pants at bar) I am drunk

Aussseeettin ( guyi who knows heather)

Mikee (madeout with at 6^th wrad)

Salor Halloween man sexy (matt?)

So every Sunday I give you a taste from the  four plus notebooks I have filled with bad pick up lines that men have actually used on me.

Let’s face it we all find ourselves in situations with the opposite sex (and same sex) that are less than ideal.  The retched being picked up or should I say attempt at being picked up is always a circumstance I dread.  However, after years of practice I’ve found some interesting and straight up nasty ways of getting that man who has attached himself to me to leave.

SIDEBAR:  Those who know me are always shocked when I pull these out of the bag of tricks, because I’m always the nice one who will politely talk to the creepy boy and make a nice and descent exit, however, sometimes you can’t hold back.

6 Excuses I have used to get out of talking to a guy (or ways to get him to leave you alone!)

1.  When he asks you what kind of drink you want and insists he buys you one even after you’ve made it clear you don’t want one you come up with a disgusting drink concoction. This concoction should include two types of alcohol and orange soda if possible.  My personal favorite is Jamison, Greygoose, orange soda, and bitters.  When he asks if it’s good you say: “ No, but it gets me angry drunk, and that’s what I’m going for tonight!

2. Put a ring on it!  Yes girls do take rings off their other fingers turn them around and make them look like wedding rings so they can tell guys they are married. However, this doesn’t always work, but when you tell him you are married, make sure you say it’s to a woman.  Guys are fascinated by lesbians, but for some reason they get turned off by married lesbians.

3. Pretend you are deaf.  This only works when you are alone, and not sitting with headphones on.  I have on more than one occasion pretended I couldn’t hear on the subway when some creepy man has started to talk to me. I also do a great ‘deaf speak’ of “ I can’t hear” with the sign language followed by a smile and a look away.  This should not be confused with not speaking English. Guys get turned on by the idea of you not speaking English, but no one wants to be the creep hitting on the deaf girl.

4.  When at a bar ask the guy if he came with any female friends. When he asks why, or says yes. Ask if he thinks they might have a tampon cause you’re bleeding through them like crazy. They run faster than Moses parted the red sea.

5.  Start to dry heave and excuse yourself. Only at a small house party gathering will you maybe encounter the guy who will follow you and want to hold your hair, otherwise they’re done with you. Starting to pick your nose also works very well, as long as you get right up in there.

6. When they ask for your number say it’s better if they give you theirs because you wont be availed for a while. Tell them your doctors says you shouldn’t be having sex until 5 days after this cycle of medication you’re on is finished.

I haven’t been posting.  I’ve been a bad bad girl (as the title states) and people have been making me very aware of this.

I don’t have excuses only reasons.  These reasons would include:  my moving from one apartment to another, work, lack of internet, moving, puppy sitting, moving, stress, dealing with junk, people being just dumb, and did I mention I’ve been moving.

The other day I had tea and desert with my great friend “Tree”. I think I talked more then he’s ever heard me talk in one sitting. When we touched on the blog he mention something I’ve been hearing a lot from people.

He asked about my Sunday Pulls.  Where do they come from? Are they all used on me? What is PULL mean? And so on.

I get these questions all the time. So since I’ve been a bad girl and the last thing I posted was a Sunday PULL I thought this would be a great opportunity to discuss them.

YES! All of these bad pick up lines (PICK-UP-LINE-LOVE akaPULL) have been used directly on me.  I write them down, and have been writing them down for a very long time. I have about 5 full journals/notebooks of bad pickup lines and bad pickup situations.

One of my friends “J” always says, “If there is a bad pickup line in the joint it’s going to be directed at this one”, as he points at me.

SIDEBAR: This fact may or may not be true.

I started writing them down after this incident my first year of university, and haven’t stopped since.

FACT:  As I’ve gotten older, and fatter (I can say that!) I experience fewer bad pickup lines….one day they will stop.

I do a weekly installment on this blog called: The Sunday Pull (pick-up-line-love)

Which are all actual pickup lines (good or bad, you be the judge) that have been used on me. I started keeping journals of them “a long-long time ago“, during my first year at University.

Like all freshmen away from home we socialized alot, and one thing my girl friends used to point out was how I got hit on by everyone (but mostly real ‘winners’), and it was like guys tried out the worst pickup lines (ever) on me.  My friend ‘Em’ (who sadly I don’t talk to anymore) used to say, “what pickup line love did that guy try?” (Hence the title PULL)

Everyone kept saying I should write them down, and I’d joke that maybe I would, but never did. However, when this incident happened I officially started my PULL journals.

–a long-long time ago–

The first big snowfall of the year was huge my freshman year. Being from northern Canada though I trudged through the snow to my only class, which had not been cancelled. Once it was finished I made my way back to the dorms through the newly cleared limited pathways.

A guy passed me, he nicely smiled as he walked by, and said hello. I smiled back. (He was the only other person on the path back towards the dorms with me)

As we walked (him about 5 feet ahead of me) he kept turning back to look at me, and would smile. He then stopped and bent down to what looked like to tie his shoe. I passed him.

It was cold, and my feet were wet and the campus looked bare.

I’m walking and all of a sudden….BAM! A powerful force out of nowhere bangs into me. I’m face down in a huge pile of snow, and it hurts!

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: “Oh god! I’m so sorry!” (He is helping me up, and brushing snow off me while continuing to apologize)

Me: (speechless)

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy:  I didn’t see you there!

Me: Are you kidding me!? There isn’t anyone else here!..That really hurt. (Continue to wipe snow off myself and collect my belongings, which have flown into a large pile of snow)

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: I feel terrible. I really didn’t see you. (continues to apologize)

Me: (eye roll as I finally find my bag in snow)

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: Really! I’m so sorry. Can I make it up to you and take you out to dinner sometime. I’d love to take you out.

Me: No, that’s ok. I’m fine, no worries.

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: Well I really want to take you to dinner……to say I’m sorry.

Me: Did you just push me in the snow to ask me out!?

(Silence)

Me: Seriously!? How old are we 5?

(And I walked away in a cold-wet-huff)

(reason #___why I’m single: I don’t always give people a chance.)