The Lost Plum…

A purple spider, Punky Brewster, a tiger, and a ninja turtle all have one thing in common.  These are all things I have been for Halloween.

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.  I mean candy, costumes, drinking, and did I mention candy. What’s not to love!  It’s also the only holiday, which isn’t ‘family’ centered, maybe that is why we all love it!

Halloween is like over 200 years old and in my opinion maybe the most over commercialized and marketed holidays.  But more then that Halloween is over sexual.  It could be called “National Slut Day”. 

As Halloween draws upon us, all I see left right in center is slut attire. I was at the drug store buying tissues and cough drops and right next to the checkout were fishnets! (seriously?!)

Halloween is synonymies with cleavage, legs, and frankly sex. And females are mainly to blame (lame!).  Women dress in provocative garments to in most cases draw sexual attention and advances from men. Now I’m not saying anything is wrong with that but I think it’s gone a little far.  (this is where all my male readers which is about 90% of you chime in and say “hell no it hasn’t gone to far!”)

Halloween offers the opportunity to dress as anything at all and in true spirit dress as you something you really want to be.  Now I don’t know about you but I sure wasn’t telling everyone growing up in my sexy-school girl uniform that I wanted to be a prostitute.

I have never really dressed ‘sluty’ on Halloween so I can’t really judge can I.  In fact the costume I plan on wearing tomorrow is maybe my most sexy to date. And it’s not even that risky. In fact I traveled to many of the pop-up costume stores this city is filled with at this time in search of ‘additions’ to my costume. 

SIDEBR:  While at the costume store I over heard one girl tell her friend she should go as a prostitute because guys stick money in your boobs all night so it’s a win win!  (my eyes rolled, and I am rolling them again)

My costume this year needed alittle extra, and by little extra I mean 2-3 inches.  See in the spirit of National Slut day ever costume sold for women pretty much sits on your ass.  I mean maybe if you are a size 0 with no ass these lengths are appropriate but I grew up with my mother, who as soon as something went over the knee she raised a silently judging eyebrow.

StoreWorker:  Need help?

Me:  No I’m just looking for something, thank you.

StroreWorker:  Something in mind?

Me: Well, yeah actually I need something this colour or to match this.  (pulling out costume from my bag)

StoreWorker:  Are you looking for the same one? What’s wrong wit this one?

Me: It’s too short I need to add material to the bottom. Add more skirt.

StoreWorker: WHY?! 

Me: (laughing) It’s too short.

StoreWorker:  That’s how you get us guys to notice you. It’s sexy. You ain’t picking up if you ain’t showing leg.

Me: Honey, I was covered from head to toe and then some last year and I still had sex in the bar bathroom with a hot sailor. 

StoreWorker: (silent) Damn Girl!

It’s not about what you wear, it’s about how you wear it.  It’s about being confident in your own body, and I guess if most of us need that little “it’s ok it’s a holiday” excuse then I’m all for it.  Just make sure you have the confidence before you go throwing a mask over it. So embrace your sexy self and put on a costume or don’t it doesn’t matter. Just be comfortable in you, and the rest will fall into place.

MamaPlums advise for Halloween this year: “Play safe with others, and don’t accept candy or other ‘goodies’ from homeless men on the street. Oh and wear a hat you’re going to have cold weather”

PapaPlum left me a voice mail the other night with the following costume recommendation:  “You should go as someone who HAS received their flu shot. Hint hint.” (insert his laughter)

FACT: Sexy Sailor and I ‘dated’ for about 5 weeks after Halloween.  I didn’t even remember putting my number in his phone.  But I did…..that’s another story for a much later time.

We all do things that people find unappealing.  Many times we notice unappealing behavior in the opposite sex more then others.  I in fact notice his a lot.  I notice people a lot and I notice guys even more (can you blame me?).  Now I’m no way would I say guys can be more unappealing then girls. In fact, I am more bothered and at times ‘discussed’ by things I see girls doing or saying in public.

However, this past weekend I observed/overheard a few things about the opposite sex.  These five events all took place over the weekend. These are perfect examples as to why I am so called “picky”.  Cause sometimes guys just make me shake my head.

1. Walking down the street near NYU passed by two guys having a conversation. These two guys couldn’t have been older then 23 and defiantly were students.  I only really over heard the following:  “You need to play them the new Little Wayne song, it’s funny as hell and the ladies love his shit!”    Wow, I wish I had a boy that would have me over to his dorm room and play Little Wayne.  Oh wait……(*sigh*)

2.   “There were a lot of good bitches there…and then 10minutes later they all left.”   These guys crossing the street in hells kitchen/midtown need to realize that just maybe all those bitches saw them and ran away.

3.  When I can see the crotch seam to your boxer briefs then your pants are way to low.  That is all I’m going to say about that.

4.  Sitting at a coffee shop in union square area a young pretty good-looking guy walks in. Walks in door, walks over towards the register but stops at the refrigerated compartment where they have cold drinks. Picks up a bottle of water, throws it up in the air so it spins he grabs it as it comes down. He then turns around and walks out of the door. Personally, I like guys who can pay for their own water, I don’t know about you, but that is just me.

5.  “Well how much for two girls?”  Now we should be clear I was walking outside near 59^th and 6^th at 3am, and I saw this guy leaning against a building, talking on his cell phone.  The best part of this and he didn’t say like he was going up in price as in ‘wow that’s a deal maybe I’ll try two.  This guy said it like ‘WOW that’s a lot’ and moved down to two from whatever number he was at previous.

SIDEBAR:  I think women putting on makeup on in public are one of the most disgusting things in the world. I’m not talking a little lipstick and such. I’m talking pulling out their cakey gross spongy compact and rubbing it all over their face, or mascara on…it makes me throw up in my mouth especially when its on the subway!

I’ve decided I want to learn to speak Spanish; well actually I want to learn it. Speaking isn’t a requirement.

Not because I think it will take me places (although some may argue that it is a great resume plus) or because I like to learn new things, or even because…..

I simple want to learn it for boys, actually to be exact for men. I want to learn Spanish for men!

Yup, you heard it right!

Now wait a minute, maybe I should be clear here for a minute. I don’t have a crush on a Spanish speaking man, although I do know a lot of very cute Spanish speaking boys!  Rather I feel left out of the conversation by men. Specifically, men on the street. To be even more specicfic men I walk by on the street.  Now, I can guees what they might be saying and I know where their intensions tend to lie, but I still don’t know what they are saying.

See the lovely young black gentalman I passed on my way to the subway tonight said the following:  ”where you headed to (something that sounded more like sounds rather then words) you sexy thang, come back here now”

That I understand (minus the grunting in the middle) but when I passed the sort little I’ll say nice looking (to be nice) man on the subway platform he said the following:

“Ca-soming-soming-Me-something with a do-daddy over the vowel”

? Right ?

Yeah, no clue!

Now it had the same tone as the guy I had passed a mere 5 minutes before, so my brain assumes it’s the same context, but then how do I know!  I’m the little Canadian girl who basically after years of vacations in Mexico I know how to say “yes, no” and the ever important “how much?”  (But drop me in France, and I’ll get behind those dirty men’s words)

So, I am setting out to learn Spanish! Or at least Google a good sight with Spanish pickup lines and then Google a translator site.  Any suggestions?

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Was out the other night with a fellow blogger and my homesicle* Tom. And as you can imaging the topic went from PG-what’s-new to talking about penis slapping people in the face (the only thing I totally regret not including here!) So, Tom in all his foolery informs me that apparently guys like to just throw their penis out there. (Well he said “some guys” I don’t want to put words in him mouth)

It got me thinking. (As I so often do on my train rides home)

So… here is a list of the Top 5 “oh wow, that’s your penis right there” moments, feel free to comment about your own personal ones:

Take Me For a Ride ~ Going home one night (about 4 years ago) on a crowded #1 train the guy standing in front of me (I was sitting) unzipped and pushed his limp penis threw his fly, which slowly grew in front of me…….

Model Love ~ that model guy from almost a year ago who was way to dumb and way to young for me, took me to dinner. A very very nice dinner, at a very nice place. He excused him self to use the restroom and then,

Model: I found something in the bathroom you may like.

Un model like me: I highly doubt that (laughing)

Model guy then removes his hand which is resting near his belt buckle and pocking up from his pants right above his belt and in front of his tucked in shirt is his little friend saying hello.

Take That ~In University, my friend ‘TSS’ and ‘S-Collins’ were in the student lounge with me. ‘TSS’ said something that most likely poked funny at “S-Collins” (I don’t remember what was said, but I do remember us laughing our asses off) And then next thing I know is he has his pants around his ankles in front of her, Takes his penis and slapped her across the face with it. (The laughing stopped for a moment; we lifted our jaws off the floor and continued to laugh even harder)

I’ll Just Keep Driving ~ I was driving back home late from a cousins wedding (has to be like 7 years ago) and had taken a good friend from University as my date. He took full advantage of the free bar, and on the drive home we are talking and then I look over and he’s trying to fit his penis into the tip of a water bottle, cause he had to pee. (He then proceeded to climb into the backseat and try to pee out the window as I was driving on the highway, but that’s another story)

#1 is Where It’s At – It was about two years ago, middle of August, and one of those balls-ass-kill-me-now-nyc summer days! Sitting on the #1 train, which had about 20 people in the car. I notice out of the corner of my eye the man sitting across from me doing something. I take a closer look, and yup there he is masturbating. It proceeded to become one full on masturbating session (this guy really had to work that out, we’re talking moans people) No one really did anything or said anything (besides not sit right next to him) It was defiantly one of those NYC summer moments where you’ll put up with anything on the train cause its got Air-Conditioning and the other option is death.

SIDEBAR: A homesicle is usually used to describe a “homie” that lives with you…Tom does not live with me or vise versa…..(I mean it more like a tom-popsicle…..but not in a dirty way.)

FACT: If you aren’t reading Tom’s foolery over at YOURTANGO, you are missing out!  Case and Point.

I’m out my new digital camera :(

It fell in the Grotto,yes, that Grotto!

It now has an STD ( I assume) and does not work, and is a very very dirty dirty camera.