The Lost Plum…

My dearest deity of the hangover,

If you could be so kind as to spare me the hangover that I so rightly deserve today, it would be much appreciated.

I know that after spending my entire day drinking for hours and staying out well past 4 a.m. on the night before I have an 9 a.m. meeting was not one of my better choices in life.  However, we all make mistakes, right?

I know I’ve been bad and deserve the wrath you bring, but I was hopping you might consider rescheduling my hangover? Saturday morning? Or perhaps Sunday? It would be much appreciated on my end (and on others)

Thanks! I owe you a drink!

with love,

plum

Dear Text-Master,

Every once and a while I smile when I hear my “ding-a-text-message-ding” and my heart skips alittle beat.  I’m hoping it’s something exciting, something good, or even better it’s someone good.

However, then there are days when I pray with all of my little heart that the “ding-a-ding-text ding” and you the founder of text messaging as a standard form of communication die a horrible horrible death!

I hope in hell you are consistently bombarded with text message that are vague and questioning in tone and meaning, and you are whipped into translating them for eternity.

Messages like, “maybe i’ll catch you later”, “could be fun”, “another time, LOL.”,. ect.

thank you, and enjoy hell.

plum

Dear H&M,

I was thinking today as I left your place that where else can someone get almost an entire winter wardrobe for under $400, and where else can I get stuff to add to my winter wardrobe, and that tank-top in 5 different colours for under $400.

However, I can find a place…it’s called H&M.  Only at H&M can i get that stuff cheaper/or get more.  But you’re H&M you say.  Well yes! But when you travel to this country you become nothing more then an overpriced American hooker. (you are better then that!)

When you are in Europe, yes you are cheap (you’re like Walmart cheap) but you are still respectable, and in a sense respected, but when you travel over here to the USA, you lose all your self respect!

Thus I don’t understand peoples obsession with you.  Why are you so loved that people flock to see you, come in and riffle through you like the golden ticket is taped inside a $15 cardigan.  

You become dumpy, dirty, crowed, and over priced when you visit us here in America.  

I can never truly love you when you are here. I miss the H&M Europe I feel in love with.  The one where yes your prices are cheaper (then here) but it’s still a pleasant clean experience inside.

Take better care of yourself, get your self respect back, I’ll be waiting for you!

And tell the middle-aged, balding, security guards I don’t plan on stealing the $15 cardigan, even if I could get it for $5 in Europe (with exchange)

simply, plum