The Lost Plum…

I’ve been involved in a lot of conversations that deal with “type” lately.  What your type is when looking for a suitable mate.  Now, Iots of people will say they don’t have a set “type”; in fact I’ve said it many times.  There is nothing wrong with that, and yes, a lot of guys I’ve been attracted too are different ‘types’ but I think type becomes more about qualities one possesses rather then a set standard or type.

Recently I’ve been reevaluating the idea of my type in my head, thinking more about qualities.  So while I wish I had a list for you all on what my type is, I can only give you a list more of characteristics that are “my type”.  Because really it’s little qualities that really make the person or should I say make the man.

7 qualities my NEXT EX-BOYFRIEND SHOULD POCESS:

HE’S TALKATIVE:  He doesn’t have to dominate a conversation or be the loudest one in the room. However, someone who is engaging, who I have amazing discussions with is a must! Someone I open up to (tell my secrets too) and can talk with for hours on end, or just listen talk for hours on end.  Someone who has topics he is passionate about and knowledgeable with. He speaks his mind, and says all the right things (even when I disagree).

AN EATER:  I want a guy who likes food, who likes to eat, and who will try new foods. Now I’m not saying be uber adventurous, because I’m not always that adventurous when it comes to food, but if you always get the same thing when we go out it’s over.  And you bet we’re ordering desert! I will most likely never date another vegetarian again, and for sure not another vegan.

IS BEAUTIFUL:  Not in the physical sense, although I’m never going to complain about that. I want a guy with a beautiful soul that I trust with my life.  Someone who treats others, and me in the manner we deserve.   Someone who makes my soul smile when I look at him.  I hate to say it but beauty really is skin deep, and if you don’t believe me then you should question the friendships/relationships you have in your life.

INTELLIGENT:  We learn from school and we learn in life, regardless of where it came from I need a guy who is smart.  He doesn’t have to know everything or anything about specifics.  But he has to have those things that he ‘knows’. Those topics that he can have me fascinated with for hours on end (see #2) I love learning new things about topics I don’t know, and even ones I do.  Someone who is good and knowledgeable at what they do know regardless of what that is….and maybe a few good trivia tidbits to throw into the mix.

HE’S FUNNY:  He doesn’t have to be the class clown, life of the party funny, or even keep up to me. Although, if he can keep up with me that’s even better.  Just be funny in the sense that he makes me laugh.  Make me laugh and you make me swoon!

A GOOD KISSER:  If I find myself smiling while I kiss a guy it’s an amazing thing!  If I can recall moments where we have kissed that’s pretty good too.  We all know how I feel about PDA’s but if I find myself wanting kiss him in public, that’s just even better.

DRIVEN BUT STILL A DREAMER.   I need a guy who is focused in his life. Who works hard and enjoys what he is doing, also strives to be a better person.  However, he still needs to idealize about certain things, future plans, and exciting ideas.

One sexy lady blogger @KB_in_NYC wrote a post last week that got me thinking.  She wrote about songs that have emotional ties to relationships, and to life, and boys making mix tapes. Now I have to be alittle honest here, as much as I remember and was around in the “mix tape” era I was more exposed to boys making mixed CDs, and let me tell you the best part about the fact that boys made me mix CDs rather then tapes (well besides my youth) is they have easily been added to my iTunes library and thus I carry these boys with me everyday. (even on those days I actually make it to the gym)

Now as KB mentions there are music has this wonderful ability to invoke memories.  Whether they are of life, family, history, and yes relationships.  She composed a list of her “life playlist” not just limited to relationships.  I have those songs too, but more so I have that with artists.  Every time I hear Frank Sinatra I think of car trips with my parents, when my brother who was maybe 5 at the time would sing Sinatra songs non stop for hours in the car (my parents thought it was cute, I at the time thought I had the worst family ever, but as long as he didn’t look out “my” window we were cool) I can’t not think of my best friend “PAL” when I hear John Lennon, or my mother when I hear The Doors, and Men at Work makes me think of Amsterdam.

Yes, There is something very wonderful about listing songs that are the soundtrack to my life, but that list is way to long, and never ending, and honestly I just really wouldn’t know where to start.

So let us stick to things I do well: talk about all the crazy boys that have come in and out of my life. So here is a list of 13 songs that will forever posses the power to make me reminisce about boys, or actually just one boy (well not all one boy but one boy per song, well there are some repeats)

FACT: the ex’s entire cannon of music could make up it’s own post. I may or may not have included one below.

Truly, Madly, Deeply – Savage Garden

(Oh silly silly high school “love”. This was also my prom theme)

Why Can’t I? – Liz Phair

(I fell “in like” hard with an Austrian Tennis Player while traveling through Europe..I know it’s so cliché I can’t deal.  I had never heard this song at the time, but he one day turned to me and said this song made him think of me, and now it makes me think of him)

So What Does It All Mean – Johnny Was

(Oh, I can’t even go there. The first boy who made an effort and pursued me….it has absolutely nothing to do with the Walk To Remember movie ..it’s on the soundtrack)

What I Got – Sublime

(It reminds me of the first time I fell for a boy and told myself I wasn’t, but also the first time I ever felt good about myself in a relationship)

Addicted – Simple Plan

(Don’t even ask)

Punk Rock Princess – Something Corporate

(Didn’t really workout. However, I’m still looking for someone to be my heroin)

Two Coins – Dispatch

(The first boy who ever played the guitar and sing for me.  It was the start of a long long road of musicians after that, but this song just makes me think of good things and good times and university)

Save Tonight – Eagle-Eye Cherry

(The last song a guy ever played and sang for me on the guitar)

Original Prankster – The Offspring

(This song makes me think of the first time I ever really enjoyed being in a relationship, the first time I just let it all go, plus rockin’ like Janet Reno is all I really want to do)

E.I.  – Nelly

(The boy who I just always had the wrong timing with. “Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” )

Murder the Government – NOFX

(I don’t know why, but it always makes me think of my very first ‘fuck buddy’)

As you Sleep – Something Corporate

(Yes, I am repeating bands. This song will always be attached to the last boy I loved. This is one of my all time favorite songs by one of my all time favorite bands)

You Don’t Mean Anything – Simple Plan

(This song is the one that broke my heart, and it still does)

My pal ——– wrote a great post a while back on what she finds sexy in a man.  And its had me thinking…….

11 TOTALLY SWOON WORTHY THINGS I LOVE ABOUT GUYS!

1.   Body Hair.  Now I’m not talking Chewbacca crawling out of your shirt attacking your face body hair. Just normal guy hair.  There is something really calming to me about the feel of arm hair, leg hair, chest hair, and so on. It’s manly and wonderful. Also, guys in general have great hair on their heads. It’s always full (for some), soft, unprocessed, and clean. (Unless they are bald or product whores I love touching a guys head of hair)

2.  Smell.  I heart a manly smell. That sweaty, musky, manly smell is something that should never be covered up. Well to a point, at some point you better be showering.  And then don’t even get me started on how great a showered guy smells.

3.  The 5 o’clock shadow. Hot damn, and oh so sexy. I even love the feel of it. Pure sex appeal dripping from tiny hair follicles, swoon indeed!

4.  Humor, hilarity, and absurdity.  Guys are funny. They just are! (when they aren’t funny it really makes my skin crawl, there needs to be an island for really unfunny men to just go and live) Guys are really good at finding the humor in a situation, and are the best for just wanting to joke around with.  They are able to poke fun at almost anything and especially themselves, and that to me is swoon worthy.

5.  Height.  I’m sorry for all those guys out there that aren’t tall. I’m sure it works for you and you’re sexy in other ways. BUT there is something extremely sexy about a guy who is taller then you.  The way you feel held while being hugged is pure awesome. Also it comes in handy for reaching things, holding umbrellas, and changing light bulbs.

6.  Balls! (both literally and figuratively) Guys push themselves and follow through. Yes there are some cowards out there but as a sex men are taught to well for lack of a better term “man up”. It’s about survival, and all things primal are HOT.  And since we are on the topic: Actual in my hand hanging down balls! Yes, physical balls!  It’s sexy to me that one of the most fragile parts of the man is just hanging out there. They carry the future of the human race in there and it’s so vulnerably put out on display, and I’m sorry but that is awesome.

7.  Problem solving.  Now I’m not talking being a “mr. fix-it” here, I’m talking life problems.  Guys always have a different take on things, a different way of looking a problem and then helping you either reach a solution. This isn’t always the best trait in men, but when I have a problem and I talk about it with a guy I come out with a different outlook in general, and always feeling very confident in what to do next.

8.  Muscles. Guys carry muscle tone so much better then girls. From arms, and backs, to shoulders and legs. Oh, and you better not get me started on those diagonal dents that run from the hipbone to the groin, jeeze louise those are hot.

9.  A Smile.  When a guy smiles at me it warms my heart.   It’s almost like they are opening up in a completely different way. Even a good smirk makes me giddy like a schoolgirl. Please note this does not apply to guys with nasty ass teeth, I really have a teeth issue, you have bad teeth you are just unsexy period. Seriously. I mean it.

10.  Penis!  Now I’m going to just put this out there: some are much more swoon worthy then others (MUCH MORE) but I’ll give all you guys the benefit of the doubt.  A nice penis is like boobs: you can never go wrong!

11.  Knowledge.  Guys know things that I don’t. Everyone is smart in his or her own way; about their own topics (even the real dumb kids) I love how I learn things from guys I never would have thought of. New things, ideas, and topics excite me. Excite me right out of my pants!

It’s been a great day today, it really has, and the day isn’t close to being done.

I just had to write about it.

1. I woke up smiling, and the sun was shinning in.  I live in NYC we all don’t have the pleasure of having sunny bedroom windows.  If I wake up to the sun it might be a miracle, but I love waking up to the sun so much! And on top of that I was just really happy when I woke up, but that may have been because I slept in, but that’s ok too.

2.  I woke up with really great hair, and even good bangs, this never happens.

3.  I found a parking spot right across the street. I literally moved the car from one side to the other.  SCORE!

4.  Hot Chocolate was my wakeup meal.  If you haven’t already noticed I’m a fan of the term “wakeup meal”. A wakeup meal is whatever you eat first upon waking up.  Because sometimes you wake up or eat way past breakfast time.  Hot chocolate in the morning is the way to my heart.

5.  I’m really positive about work right now. I may be behind on the billions of things I have to do, but I’m very positive about what is going on.

6.  Brace yourself for this one….I went to the gym! And Ieft with even better hair then I walked in with.

SIDEBAR: WOW…My hair looks great today!

So I got a lot of emails (and a few great comments) about my list on things I never want to hear a guy say to me again. One email had this to say: “yeah but what are the things YOU say that a guy doesn’t want to hear again. That’d be a great post”. I also get emails asking if I have ever lived with a guy and I should tell those stories. Believe me if there were stories to tell they would be told.

So although I’m not too sure on what I say that might drive guys crazy (well except for everything!) I do know that I have a few little ‘quirks’ that may not want a guy to live with me. So let’s kick off the week with these:

9 reasons why a guy probably would never want to live with me.

1. I am pretty sure I’m losing my hair completely. I shed worse then a camel in summer!  Now I clean up the hair (it’s not all over) but I’m pretty sure you will purchase Drano far more then ever before.

2. I own numinous umbrellas. And No you can’t borrow one. You can’t borrow any of them for that matter. I’m serious.

3. I think the magical dry cleaning fairies exists. The Huge dry-cleaning piles must disappear. I will not take/do them.  But I do really enjoy doing laundry. (Speaking of which I really need my mother to come visit and kick those fairies into gear!)

4. Pillows: I like lots of pillows. I also have certain pillows for certain moods. I will beat you if you take my pillow.

5. My mother will phone at least twice a day, and if she gets your number and hasn’t heard from me in 72 hours she will call you an estimated 24.5 times in a row, and then she will call the police.

6. I can’t share bathrooms. Minus a joint shower, if I’m in the bathroom you are not in there, especially if I am washing my face. Someone watching me or talking to me while I wash my face will cause me to become violent.

7. The smell of coffee before noon actually makes me become nauseated. I can’t deal with it.

8. I will buy you a new tooth brush about  every 3weeks. Old looking toothbrushes give me hives! I can’t look at them.

9. You can do and bring anything into bed (stop your dirty thoughts) except dirty feet. This is a rule. I like to wash my feet before I go to bed.