The Lost Plum…

I went and saw the Valentine’s Day movie with the ever-amazing Nando a few weeks back. And we saw alot of things that day/night, some that I may tell, and some which I may want to forget. It was a night to remember that is for sure!

Anyways about 2 rows in front of us was a couple. I think we both rolled our eyes at the ridiculousness that was this chick to our selves, and then she opened her mouth, Nando and I turned to each other and together sighed “oh my god!”

And thus one of my many lists had to be born. The chick in question although she does not deserve it, is number one.

7 types of Girls who have boyfriends, and probably don’t deserve them (in my humble plum opinion).

1. Girlfriend in movie theatre who talks about how great the Sex in the City 2 trailer was because her boyfriend missed it while buying her popcorn. And then discusses her favorite Friends episode while the Jennifer Aniston trailer is playing.

2. The girlfriend that looks more like a boyfriend. Her body ain’t bad and her fake tits are a sight to be seen but honey I’m pretty sure she has an atoms apple larger then an actual apple. Look up the statistics of how many babies are born with attributes of both sexes and their parents pick the sex. Then realize that about 80% of those parents pick female. That’s a whole lota ugly chicks running around. Digest that for a minute!

3. Your girlfriend in the pink flannel PJ pants with martin glasses and lips all over them. If she’s leaving the house dressed like that now (even if it’s just to run to the store) just think how she’ll be dressed once she pops out a few kids.

4. Chicks who wear thongs and only thongs ever. Not cause it’s wrong but because I just hate those skinny bitches!

5. Girl at the bar during the game who keeps jumping on her boyfriends lap during key plays and talking about ‘girly’ stuff while eating her salad with a glass of water.  Bitch there’s a game on!

6. Girls who buy their guys matching outfits. Are you serious right now? It’s one thing if you match with you best gay for a night at the gay bar, or your little ugly dog, but other then that you should never plan to dress like a guy.

7. Any girl who changes any guy. No matter what she says or thinks. You my guy friend are wonderful in your own special way.

A while back I wrote about qualities that my next ex-boyfriend should process. All these were good things; I just have to find him right?!  Well like everyone I’m sure my next ex-boyfriend has a list of qualities his next ex-girlfriend should have. So I thought I’d make it alittle easier for him.

13 reasons why I’ll make a great next ex-girlfriend.

1. I love to bake. And I need someone to eat my creations. Baking relives stress for me. I think because it’s so methodical and precise, and my life tends not to be that way. So if a boy loves pie and pudding, I’m his girl.

2. I’m a terrible liar. I turn red, I fumble my words, and if asked in a serious tone I’ve been known to tell secrets. I’ve never spilled anything people have told me in confidence, but if it’s about someone I maybe when confronted tell. I’ve been to many a surprise party I didn’t even know where parties because I can’t lie if confronted.

3. I shower daily, if not more, and brush and floss more then I should. How is that not a desirable quality?

4. I’m exotic. And if you don’t think that is true you’ve never experienced a Canadian Shield winter or summer mosquitoes that can suck a baby dry.

5. I am close to my family (ok sometimes alittle too close, but not in a creepy Morgan Freeman way) and they mean the world to me.

6. I’ve had the emotional abusive, verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive boyfriends. If you’re nice to me I’m pretty much head over heels already.

7. I love sex. Nough said.

8. I have so many amazing groups of friends. You can’t not love at least 10 of them, and no matter what happens with us, they are all great at being diplomatic and guarantee they’ll still love you after I don’t.

9. I love watching sports, on TV and from the stands. And if throw wings and beer into that mix I’m even more fun.

10. I have a nice rack. There I said it.

11. I believe in equality for all. And if you don’t you can just move on RIGHT now. (me and my blog don’t want you here)

12. I’m always up for an adventure. Name it, I’m probably game!

13. I make lists. They will make your life more productive, and if nothing less interesting and they create things to discuss.

Yeah, ok, I’m falling down on my knees (or at my keyboard) and doing the whole New Year Post.  Here we go….

So it’s 2010. Or better known as twenty-ten. So here is the thing, I think these years should be known as “the 20s”  (ie. just like the 1920, maybe better, maybe worse, but with skimpier swimwear)

So this is the dawn of our 20s! I mean who didn’t like (or is still liking) their 20s?  Come on! I think this is the best way for us to be excited about the years to come. Maybe it’s me not wanting to get older, and maybe sometimes forgetting I’m not 23 anymore. Or maybe it’s me just being crazy as usual.  But the 20s, my 20s (which technically I’m still working my way through) were pretty good. Pretty exciting, and thus, why not look at 20-10 as 2-0, aka 20! Year 20!

SIDEBAR: 2011 will be 21, 2012 will be 22, and so on…. Get it? You sure? Ok, good!

So as I look into 2010, I hope it is half as good as when I was 20.

WHEN I WAS 20:

-       I was just over 40 pounds lighter then I am now.

-       I was in love. (or thought I was)

-       I traveled Europe.

-       I had my first Gin & Tonic.

-       I was working hard, studying hard, and parting hard.

-       I got my first real ‘grown up’ job.

-       I pulled my first 4nighter (no sleep for 4 days)

-       I danced all the time.

-       I discovered avocado.

-       I got to see my dad almost every month, as he would travel to conferences near where I went to school.

-       I had great friends that I knew know matter what were there for me.

-       I laughed really hard.

-       I experimented in all sorts of maybe not so good things.

-       I drove ½ way across country on my own.

-       I started to explore and feed my love of cheese.

-       I was smoking (NOT good, but at the time it was oh soo good)

-       I saved a friends life.

I’ve been involved in a lot of conversations that deal with “type” lately.  What your type is when looking for a suitable mate.  Now, Iots of people will say they don’t have a set “type”; in fact I’ve said it many times.  There is nothing wrong with that, and yes, a lot of guys I’ve been attracted too are different ‘types’ but I think type becomes more about qualities one possesses rather then a set standard or type.

Recently I’ve been reevaluating the idea of my type in my head, thinking more about qualities.  So while I wish I had a list for you all on what my type is, I can only give you a list more of characteristics that are “my type”.  Because really it’s little qualities that really make the person or should I say make the man.

7 qualities my NEXT EX-BOYFRIEND SHOULD POCESS:

HE’S TALKATIVE:  He doesn’t have to dominate a conversation or be the loudest one in the room. However, someone who is engaging, who I have amazing discussions with is a must! Someone I open up to (tell my secrets too) and can talk with for hours on end, or just listen talk for hours on end.  Someone who has topics he is passionate about and knowledgeable with. He speaks his mind, and says all the right things (even when I disagree).

AN EATER:  I want a guy who likes food, who likes to eat, and who will try new foods. Now I’m not saying be uber adventurous, because I’m not always that adventurous when it comes to food, but if you always get the same thing when we go out it’s over.  And you bet we’re ordering desert! I will most likely never date another vegetarian again, and for sure not another vegan.

IS BEAUTIFUL:  Not in the physical sense, although I’m never going to complain about that. I want a guy with a beautiful soul that I trust with my life.  Someone who treats others, and me in the manner we deserve.   Someone who makes my soul smile when I look at him.  I hate to say it but beauty really is skin deep, and if you don’t believe me then you should question the friendships/relationships you have in your life.

INTELLIGENT:  We learn from school and we learn in life, regardless of where it came from I need a guy who is smart.  He doesn’t have to know everything or anything about specifics.  But he has to have those things that he ‘knows’. Those topics that he can have me fascinated with for hours on end (see #2) I love learning new things about topics I don’t know, and even ones I do.  Someone who is good and knowledgeable at what they do know regardless of what that is….and maybe a few good trivia tidbits to throw into the mix.

HE’S FUNNY:  He doesn’t have to be the class clown, life of the party funny, or even keep up to me. Although, if he can keep up with me that’s even better.  Just be funny in the sense that he makes me laugh.  Make me laugh and you make me swoon!

A GOOD KISSER:  If I find myself smiling while I kiss a guy it’s an amazing thing!  If I can recall moments where we have kissed that’s pretty good too.  We all know how I feel about PDA’s but if I find myself wanting kiss him in public, that’s just even better.

DRIVEN BUT STILL A DREAMER.   I need a guy who is focused in his life. Who works hard and enjoys what he is doing, also strives to be a better person.  However, he still needs to idealize about certain things, future plans, and exciting ideas.

One sexy lady blogger @KB_in_NYC wrote a post last week that got me thinking.  She wrote about songs that have emotional ties to relationships, and to life, and boys making mix tapes. Now I have to be alittle honest here, as much as I remember and was around in the “mix tape” era I was more exposed to boys making mixed CDs, and let me tell you the best part about the fact that boys made me mix CDs rather then tapes (well besides my youth) is they have easily been added to my iTunes library and thus I carry these boys with me everyday. (even on those days I actually make it to the gym)

Now as KB mentions there are music has this wonderful ability to invoke memories.  Whether they are of life, family, history, and yes relationships.  She composed a list of her “life playlist” not just limited to relationships.  I have those songs too, but more so I have that with artists.  Every time I hear Frank Sinatra I think of car trips with my parents, when my brother who was maybe 5 at the time would sing Sinatra songs non stop for hours in the car (my parents thought it was cute, I at the time thought I had the worst family ever, but as long as he didn’t look out “my” window we were cool) I can’t not think of my best friend “PAL” when I hear John Lennon, or my mother when I hear The Doors, and Men at Work makes me think of Amsterdam.

Yes, There is something very wonderful about listing songs that are the soundtrack to my life, but that list is way to long, and never ending, and honestly I just really wouldn’t know where to start.

So let us stick to things I do well: talk about all the crazy boys that have come in and out of my life. So here is a list of 13 songs that will forever posses the power to make me reminisce about boys, or actually just one boy (well not all one boy but one boy per song, well there are some repeats)

FACT: the ex’s entire cannon of music could make up it’s own post. I may or may not have included one below.

Truly, Madly, Deeply – Savage Garden

(Oh silly silly high school “love”. This was also my prom theme)

Why Can’t I? – Liz Phair

(I fell “in like” hard with an Austrian Tennis Player while traveling through Europe..I know it’s so cliché I can’t deal.  I had never heard this song at the time, but he one day turned to me and said this song made him think of me, and now it makes me think of him)

So What Does It All Mean – Johnny Was

(Oh, I can’t even go there. The first boy who made an effort and pursued me….it has absolutely nothing to do with the Walk To Remember movie ..it’s on the soundtrack)

What I Got – Sublime

(It reminds me of the first time I fell for a boy and told myself I wasn’t, but also the first time I ever felt good about myself in a relationship)

Addicted – Simple Plan

(Don’t even ask)

Punk Rock Princess – Something Corporate

(Didn’t really workout. However, I’m still looking for someone to be my heroin)

Two Coins – Dispatch

(The first boy who ever played the guitar and sing for me.  It was the start of a long long road of musicians after that, but this song just makes me think of good things and good times and university)

Save Tonight – Eagle-Eye Cherry

(The last song a guy ever played and sang for me on the guitar)

Original Prankster – The Offspring

(This song makes me think of the first time I ever really enjoyed being in a relationship, the first time I just let it all go, plus rockin’ like Janet Reno is all I really want to do)

E.I.  – Nelly

(The boy who I just always had the wrong timing with. “Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” )

Murder the Government – NOFX

(I don’t know why, but it always makes me think of my very first ‘fuck buddy’)

As you Sleep – Something Corporate

(Yes, I am repeating bands. This song will always be attached to the last boy I loved. This is one of my all time favorite songs by one of my all time favorite bands)

You Don’t Mean Anything – Simple Plan

(This song is the one that broke my heart, and it still does)