It got me thinking about the truth.

What is the truth when it comes to a relationship.

Is truth really what someone speaks or does it become what we know? Now that in a nutshell has been my ‘food for thought’ for the last few days.

If in the span of a relationship you hear over and over again how much you mean to someone; how someone would do anything for you; how much someone loves, cherishes and wants to spend the rest of their life with you; how someone has never ever been with anyone as amazing as you…..is it truth because it is spoken or does it become truth once you believe it?

Are people who lie really at fault or are we at fault when we process a lie and choose to believe it?

Cause as of lately I lean towards it being the recipient of such ‘truths’ fault. I’ve always been intrigued by lying as an art form I’ve spoken on this before, and it’s mainly because I’m such a terrible liar. (I guess I just wish I were better at it) I speak what I mean, I probably reveal too much and never reveal anything I’m a 100% sure on.

Should you waste time hating someone for lying to you, or should you just focus on the fact that hating yourself for believing it makes more sense…….

When I’m lied to I often am at fault for believing it. I’m gullible most times to things I should never believe. I’d like to think as I have aged I’ve gotten better at this, and living in NYC has helped too.

So when I’m told something I believe that the other individual truly means what they are saying, and therefore how can you not believe what you are told.

How can anyone not believe the lies that get listed over an over again in a long-term relationship. (that is if they are lies, who really knows)

Because if you believe someone loves you, or cares for you, or gets you, or wants you, or even respects you, is it not mostly your fault when you come to the realization that they never did anything of the things listed above?

Much like a tree falling in the woods, can a lie really be a lie if no one is there to believe it…….?

Turning to twitter seemed like the most logical thing to do since flipping the cushions was not an option…because frankly the other side of the cushion was even ‘manlier’.

I still need to dry clean my cushions covers (infact even more so now) but here were the Top 5 Home Remedies that followers either tweeted me or emailed me.**

Maybe sharing the knowledge will help someone in need…..it is national volunteer month!

“Just use a dry tooth brush and some Fabreeze and brush it off. Works every time!!”

“ some cold water mixed with a little dish soap and lemon.”

“ Try seltzer water and a tiny drip of vinegar”

“protein-based stains need cold water remember that.”

“No more spitting only swallowing and use a condom next time Plum.”

**FACT: I had just copied these into a document and stupidly not listed who told me what so my upmost apologizes for not being able to give credit where credit is due…but then again none of these worked for me so frankly screw you guys!

Well I have to disagree it should be:

Don’t hate the player, hate the education system** for failing to prepare the vast majority of boys*** for creative communication and management skills that are  needed to navigate through life.

** outside education and inside (home) education

*** notice I say boys

SIDEBAR: Yeah I know I didn’t do the follow up post from last monday…I know….

My mother once called me 19 times within a 3-hour period (no message) when I finally picked up one of her calls after I had gotten out of a meeting:

“What! What do you want?”

“Oh..hi..haven’t heard your voice in a few days..how are things?”

“Did someone die?”

“No, why?”

“Cause unless someone dies don’t call me 20plus times in a day.”

“Oh, well if someone died I’d just send you an email.”

Great thanks mom. I can just see it now: “so and so died today. Very sad. It’s really sunny here today but looks like you are getting rain in NY. Pack an umbrella. Love you” (no joke that what it would be!)

So maybe I can rationalize a death email, maybe. Maybe even via facebook, or an IM.  People are always complaining about being broken up via facebook. Well actually I’ve only ever heard of girls complaining about this, which sorta equals you’re a big crazy and he doesn’t want to even talk to you.

But in a world full of all these impersonal forms of communications for important messages, where do we draw the line.

It’s become the norm like a said to breakup online, via email, or text. People have proposed via twitter, and updated facebook status from a funereal.

What should be personal, and what shouldn’t?

I think everything goes. If you want to say your vows on twitter, or tell the world on facebook that you cheated on you boyfriend, go for it. Be my guest.

But then there is one thing I think has to be a personal moment, one thing that completely changes when it’s done in person.

The simple apology.

Having someone apologize for bad behavior via IM or text, or even facebook is not and can never be the same as a simple to your face apology.

In fact, can you really be forgiven if you don’t ask for it in person?

I’ve said it before but I want to repeat it again is that these pickup lines I have been collecting for eight years. EIGHT!  That’s along time. I have three note books / journals filled with these and therefore I have my Sunday posts set for years, even if I have nothing else to say I’ll always have my Sunday post.

I get a lot of messages, twitter replies, and DMs about these incidences. Most people think they happen recently even that week.  Although some are recent with many since I’ve been in NYC, most haven’t happened in the last few months.

I have not really been “picked up” “been hit on” or had creepers talk to me in a while.  Now one could say it’s cause I’m taken, but then again there is that age old argument that when you are taken is when people show the most interest: and I’m a firm believer in that idea.

So I’m going to tell you why I’m not getting hit on, and it’s very true.

I get hit on far less because I frankly have gotten fat.

Like more then I’ve ever weighed in my life plus 46 pounds.

I am kid of pretty. I mean let’s be honest, I’m not hideous. But I have got fat.

And guys don’t hit on fat girls.

They just don’t.

Now yes yes yes there are those guys that love them some thing to grab onto, I’m not arguing that. But those aren’t the majority.

And yes there are just straight up creepers out there who hit on anything with boobs, but when you are overweight female (especially in NYC) your chances of being picked up go way down.  They just do. It has nothing to do with confidence, or how you put yourself out there, or any of those relevant but bullshit answers.

I had this conversation with a bunch of girl friends whose weight has fluctuated, and they all agreed with me. Fat is less desirable. That’s just a fact of life.

Again I’m not saying fat girls don’t get hit on, or shouldn’t get hit on.  We’re all deserving of love, but some just aren’t shown it as much as others.

But then again, maybe they should, wouldn’t some say they are an easy target?

I’m the same person I’ve always been just with a bigger waistline, and guys don’t hit on me as much as they have in the past.

And I’ve become highly suspicious of any “fat girl” who claims to be hit on all the time.

What say you?

SIDEBAR: I say ’straight’ relationship, but what I should really say is any relationship involving a straight male. Because let’s just get it out there that the straight male is a bread on to its self.

We’ve all heard the term “forgive and forget” but I think guys have a tendency to think this statement actually means, “forgot therefore forgiven”

But there is one important fact that needs to be said here:

Guys never remember that girls never forget!

It’s true. We don’t forget. Unless we are bat-shit crazy, or take medication that messes with our memory. But who wants to date that?

Girls will always remember. Remembering is different then forgiveness. Girls can forgive you for your stupidity, but they will always know (remember) you are stupid.

She will remember you burping in her mouth, you saying her dress looked funny, saying her best friend was pretty, you cheating on her, you saying you were a boob man and she’s an A cup, you being a drunk idiot, and even you telling her that her cooking one evening wasn’t so hot.

A girl remembers forever.

That’s why girl-on-girl fights are so long, and so nasty. We can bring shit up from way back when. We remember!

Something maybe forgiven, or never mentioned again, but you better believe that your girl remembers the event going down.

This maybe whys people claim women need affirmations in relationships. We need to be told we are beautiful, and wonderful, and that you love us and only us…..because we’ll always remember those time you said/did something that made us feel the opposite.

When I was growing up I had a friend whose parents had completely separate bathrooms, one right beside the other, both were full baths. It wasn’t one of those this is the ladies big nice bathroom and the man gets something that used to be a hall closet. I never understood that.

But then I think about how I love my bathroom. My bathroom. I can’t help but think of how it could be ruined, and nothing ruins a girl’s bathroom space like a guy. Now girls can be gross and messy, believe me, girls can be down right gross, but there is something different that a guy brings to the game.

5 reasons I don’t want to share a bathroom with a boy!

1.The Toilet Paper!  They will buy it (most of the time it’s the cheap on sale kind), they will even unwrap it and place it someplace, but will almost never replace the roll. Their bathrooms can have multiple started rolls on the toilet but an empty roll in its holder for months. I want my nice plush toilet paper, and I’d like it on the roll holder please and thank-you.

2. My Products! They are my products, my fancy soap, and my $40 facial cleanser, and my bubble bath.  Boy’s will use whatever they can get their dirty little hands on, and if it smells good they will use it. We’re talking face soap all over the body, multiple reapplying of showergel to puff, and this shampoo oh no lets repeat but with this shampoo and then 2 cups of conditioner in their hair. They’ll even use those expensive age deifying makeup remover sheets that sit on the shelf near the toilet to wipe their bums, cause why not. Boys will indulge in my products, and the only good thing about this is shopping for new products.

3. Hair! Now girls shed, believe me they shed! I lose tons of hair in the shower, and when I blow-dry the sink gets full of hairs too. But long girly hair I can somewhat deal with. But those little long dark chest/arm/leg hairs that coat everything from my bathroom to even my bedding make me kind of cringe.  And it only gets worse if you have a guy shave in your sink…hairs for months, people! Little black face hairs that hide in every corner of the bathroom and haunt you for life.

4. Reading material! Some people happen to be the types that keep reading material in the bathroom (for some reason). If you are not one of these people (like me) some how they will appear in your bathroom. If you happen to be the type of person who keeps reading material in their bathroom I’m sure it gets disorganized and moved around. I don’t really read in the bathroom.

5.  Towels! They should be washed in a timely fashion. There are also bathroom hooks, hangers, and rods for a reason, nough said.

I have always lost weight while in relationships, not gained and after thinking on it and even asking others I’m still perplexed at where this idea comes from. Does being in a relationship really make you fat? And if so where is this happening? I’m looking at you Dr.Oz, tell me!

I haven’t posted the post, because well, I might disagree with my statements now, I may have to jump on the bandwagon and say that being in a relationship just MIGHT (might) make you gain weight.

It all depends on who you are dating…

In my unposted post I outline that yes you go out and dine more with a partner but I think you are more conscious of it. You share things like apps and deserts, and you wait to eat with no snacking as to not ruin your appetite, and after your big meal is done your ready for other after dinner activities. Your meals are more planned out. More timely. You and your partner plan to do lunch there for you don’t spend all afternoon eating a sleeve of puddings. You mix it up more, not ordering Chinese then eating the leftovers for 2days and then reordering Chinese. I don’t think a relationship is cool with splitting a muffin and a bag of left over movie popcorn for dinner, but when it’s 10pm and I’ve realized I haven’t eaten yet the muffin/popcorn combo works fine for me.

I’ve dated alot of guys who made comments about my weight, or my appearance. And yet at those times I was like half the size I am now. Maybe I’ve been more aware of it in the past cause the guys I was with made me so. Maybe them telling me I was fat or that I should watch my weight made me more conscious then the average. Made me in a sense not be the norm and actually lose weight while in a relationship.

Also I’ve dated a bunch of vegetarians, strike that I’ve dated way too many vegetarians! Now don’t get me wrong I love a big dinner salad, and get them all the time. And I don’t judge them for not eating chicken (for not eating bacon I do!)

Ok so maybe it’s not the vegetarian thing at all. Maybe it’s that I’ve dated alot of guys who overly care about their appearances and like their women to fit into a pretty little not over a size 8 box. In fact, I think that might be it. In fact, I’m sure of it.

Maybe all along not only have I been dating the wrong guys but my waistline has been too.

So here’s the thing: I love food! I eat. I try new things like I’m just experiencing them, cause alot of times I am. I grew up in a house where I don’t think salt even was/is present. Sugar kids cereal was the luxury, and there are no real restaurants around. When I went to undergrad University I slowly weaned myself back onto gluten and boy is gluten good! And tried things for the first time like chocolate milk!  I started traveling and experienced the pleasure of that. Cause the true test of being an adult is making the choice to only eat gelato for two days when in Rome.

And then I moved to NYC and the foodie in me was unleashed like a razor to Britney’s head. Add on top of that that American portions are bigger then my face, and I’ve falling in love with spice, butter, and meat. And although NY street meat has got nothing on Toronto’s it’s a hell of a city to fall in love with food in. Thus I started to gain alittle, or maybe a lot….

Maybe I just need to fall for the right guy too! Maybe my stomach has been on a hunt. A hunt not only for the perfect hotdog but well for the perfect “hotdog”. A hunt for a guy who introduces me to things called ”Combos” or “Popeye’s Chicken” and even “Pop Tarts”. A guy who makes me nachos for dinner and indulges in the idea that we each get a desert and share them.

A guy who likes me for me and even though I might be at the biggest I’ve ever been in my life by like 20 pounds, holds my hand while we walk for street side tacos at 2am, and tells me I’m beautiful as I have taco grease running down my chin….maybe falling in love with the boy who loves ‘All’ of me is something I can really sink my teeth into.

SIDEBAR: I hate hate hated the book Eat, Pray, Love. Gag me with a spoon!

I love my Babcia more then anyone else in this world. My Babcia is my favorite person, and I think she always has been and always will be!  I had the pleasure of two weeks (on and off) with my Babcia while on vacation this past month, and much like my Mama Plum she’s never at a lack of advise when it comes to life, love, and boys!

9 Words of Wisdom from Grandma ‘Babcia’ Plum.

1:  “Men always know what fun is no matter how old they get. Old men are always bad!”  Guys love to get into your pants, and this fact apparently never changes!

2: “If I said so it means I mean!” Respect your elder, that is all.

3: “You won’t really know till you get married when people become normal…..they aren’t normal till marriage, and if it doesn’t work out, oh well you get to try again.”  Sometimes our love lives don’t turn out how we want or how we expected them too. Things changes and more importantly people changes, but life goes on, and you move on too. So “oh well”.

4: “Don’t give away too much Pączki”  A pączki is a like a polish doughnut or pastry. Mama Plum gave the same advice once. There is nothing wrong with giving away a little ‘desert’, but don’t be over indulgent and fill the plate or the other person just might get sick.

5:  “Everything gets split 11 ways”.  Babcia was saying what would happen if she won the big 80million drawing.  And I looked at her and said I think she was miscounting.  This side of my family is very small.  And she explained everyone would get some. So mamaplum and daddydoo wouldn’t share a piece they each got a piece. Same with my cousin (who is technically a step cousin and her husband and baby on the way) “ahh blood doesn’t equal family. Family is family” She’s right family is family, and family can be whoever you want it to be!

6: “As long as he knows how funny you are. You funny! (laughs) Not sure who you get that from? “  When you find someone who loves and appreciates all of you (best and worst quality’s) they are worth holding onto! And laughter really does make all the difference.

7: “Call your mother.”  When people care about you, you sorta have to show that you care back, even if it gets on your nerves.

8: “You are who you are, never what you could have been.  Life throws you all over the place, you just need to be happy” Anyone who has lived 86 years I would assume would think this is true. Life gets turned upside down and no money, royal blood, trinkets or possessions can save you or change that. But when you have family, love, and happiness nothing else matters: you don’t need anything else!

9: “Lets drink to that!” A term she uses often, and pours whatever happens to be infront of her. Life should be celebrated, and cherished. No matter what happens there is always an upside. As the quote she says all the time to me that I steal on a regular bases states: “ It could always be worse” so let’s drink to that!

I spent my first week of holiday in my hometown.  Ah, Northern Ontario Canada in the summer, it really is one of the greatest places you can be this time of year.

SIDEBAR: I’ll challenge anyone to a duel that says otherwise, and my sword skills are amazingly good!

Wherever you happen to hail from it always holds a special place in your heart, even if you would cut off an appendage before moving back there. Your hometown can teach you many things. Some good and some ugly, but all in all there is always a lesson to be learned.

8 Things I’ve Learned from growing up in North Western Ontario Canada!

1~ Fish do and will bite you in the open water!! And I can most likely tell you what type of animal that squished up unrecognizable pile of blood and fur on the road used to be

2~ Drinking and operating any type of moving vehicle is not a good idea. If I even tried to count deaths I’ve known of as a result of drinking and driving/seadooing/ boating/snowmachining, and so on it would take years!

3~ I’m a great shot. Don’t mess with me.

4~ I have at least three major outdoor survival skills, and I know all the best ways to keep warm.

5~ Curling is hard. If you want to joke that it’s the easiest Olympic sport, I suggest you take a look at bobsledding, even the Jamaicans can do that! Curling is hard, and I think the only section I always failed in PE.

6~ I always dress appropriately and come prepaid for impending weather. I also know what “looks like” followed by any type of weather description is, and am pretty much always right!

7~ I can walk on ice with little effort, infact I can even run on it.

8 ~ It is possible to be friends with past lovers and old flames. In a small town people jump romantic partners all the time, but your social circles never really change. You learn to get along with the ex that is now dating your best friends little sister who used to date your old brothers best friend who you once dated as well who cheated on you with the girl who is now dating your brother. And all in all you learn to be civil and kind to others, and respect peoples romantic choices (I mean you might judge but still)