The Lost Plum…

I got thinking the other day. Thinking about friends and their ability to stand and support you, now not in life, or anything like that.

Here’s the thing I have been thinking about how I’ve been told on 3 occasions when I’ve meet a guy I’ve been seeing (involved with or dating) friends.

I’ve been told how great that guy is, how special he is, and how I better, in a sense, watch myself. I’ve been told that I need to understand how special and wonderful said guy is, and how I need to treat him well.

Now I get alittle thrown off because these are always the conversations I see people telling the guy who is dating the girl, at least that’s how it happens in the movies and on TV. It’s almost never people telling the girl to take care of the guy she is dating. Or is it?

Now most of the time when this happens I kind of want to say “Are you kidding me? You just meet me, but let me tell you something I am the real catch in this relationship.” Alas, I jus say, “ I know” and nod my head, or smile sweetly as I get told how great their guy friend is and how lucky I apparently am to be graced with his presence.

Here’s what gets me though. I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend tell any guy I’ve ever brought around that I am a catch, or they need to treat me right. In fact, I pretty much am positive no friend has ever let a guy know that I am worthy of being treated well.

Maybe my friends assume that by the time I get around to introducing guys to them that I’ve already vented the bad ones out. Maybe they trust my judgment and what I’m doing.

But then again knowing my past judgment in relationships or men you would think my friends would let boys know that they should treat me well.

So question is do my friends just trust me that much? I find that hard to believe. Maybe no one really cares in a sense. They just assume I’ll pull myself back up at the end of the day, like I always do so why waste their time telling a guy I’m dating to treat me right and realize I’m special….but I think I’m worth that, just alittle bit, maybe.

I’ve been thinking about High School alot lately. Not cause I miss it (well sometimes I do lets be honest) and not cause I want to tell you about some High School crush. (Oh my high school crush is so cute, I want to facebook stalk him all day) I been thinking more of the “idea” and more so the term “High School”.

It’s been coming up in discussions I’ve been having alot. And I was talking to one of my friends about it the other day and I have a theory.

But I guess we need alittle back-story, alittle “meat” persay.

This really good friend ended a relationship a while ago. Since then my friend has had hardships when it comes to behavior on the other persons end, especially when it comes to third parties. The ex doesn’t tell them about specific things but basically makes it hard for them to be friends with each of them. Ex basically says that “friend” is dead to them, but if you want to be friends with such a person that ok. Yes the picking sides argument. “What are we in High School!?”

Now to be fair I had a situation like this once. An ex and I shared an entire close group of friends and we broke up, and something along the lines of the following took place:

Plum: It’s not about picking sides.

Him: Well they all like me better!

Plum: Whatever, they were my friends first.

(And so on)

Again I say “What are we in High School?” But at that time yeah pretty much so. I technically was only a year or two out of High School. (But that does not make the above conversation expectable…or does it?)

So lets bring it back to today, and my friend, and my theory.

See here is the thing. My friend is older then I am. My friend has past 35 further then I am close to 35. And the thing is most people I meet that I want to shake and scream “what are you in high school!?” Are older then I am. By at least 10 years minimum.

So my theory, ready? These people are living the drama of High School and they love it! They love being apart of the ‘High School’ drama because it is actually for the first time present in their lives. And that excites them!

For the first time they have people to be petty with, have people to talk about behind their backs, get to fight over what to wear, who to date, and who said what about whom. It’s the first time for all these people to in a sense be (dare I say it) COOL!

See the rest of us who look at these 35-40-45+ year olds and want to look them dead in the eye and ask why on earth they want to be in High School should actual just turn around and not judge and let this phase pass.

It’s actually kind of sad. Cause while the rest of us are over those petty stupid drama games we have the right to be. We lived it when we were in High School.

But there were those that didn’t.

So let’s let them have there High School drama temper tantrums and bitch fits, and 16 yearold breakups. Let them get it all out and maybe then they can grow up like the rest of us and realize their behavior is all alittle too “high school”

Because let’s be honest. We all couldn’t have been the Prom Queen who ran student council, did 6 other extra curricular, and dated the hot older Varsity captain, now can we! Some of us were cool in high school and now we’re over it. And then some of us I guess are just getting “cool” now and maybe just maybe they’ll get over it.

It just sucks that we can’t all be grownup in the world of relationships and date like we’re all 16 years old again.

I had taken a nice solitude vacation at the end of my first year of grad school. Actually I spent the whole time in the resort room in Mexico writing my paper that was due the day I got back, and since I burnt crisper then a bucket of chicken on the first day, the room is where I stayed.

My favorite moments of this trip besides some nice sun therapy and the spa would have to be my late night phone calls with Mr. Popular while sitting on the balcony.

Mr. Popular and I had been chatting/texting/IMing for months, and had had a few in person adventures!

I got home to NYC red and ready to hand in my paper. I also was thinking somewhat dreamy thoughts of Mr. Popular. This was one of the only time I can remember of where I actually really contemplated us as a “couple” and in a real “relationship”.

Problem being I didn’t think he felt the same way at all. I was pretty convinced we had moved into the ever wonderful “friendship” zone. He treated me like a ‘girlfriend’ but just never touched me like one….or at least how I assumed all guys touch their girlfriends.

I was getting ready to go to bed early, as I get tired from plane rides, and I get a phone call.

Mr. Popular is in my hood and right up the street. He wants to come over and see me. Holy shit balls!

We talked laughed and joked around for hours into the night. Just lying on my bed talking. Only times he got off the bed was to take a smoke break. His smoke breaks consited of him at my window, stradling my ratiator so he was half out the window and half inside the bedroom.

As the hours flew by I became more and more convinced we dove deeper into the “friend zone” and pretty soon the sun was close to coming up.

SIDEBAR: I was pretty cool with friend zone, but starting to question his sexuality at this point. What guy lies in bed for hours with a girl and doesn’t try anything?

We were laying talking laughing and then all of a sudden he leans in and kissed me.

There it was! Wow!

“Did you just kiss me?”

He kissed me again!

And then he stopped stared in my eyes and jumped up!

“I have to go!”

He bolted, ran, left quicker then Kiefer Sutherland throws back a shot of whiskey.

And I went to bed with the sun coming up feeling rejected: Sad, lonely, and rejected.

Until I awoke to find I had company in bed with me.

There were feathers and bird poo all over as pigeons had flown in and taken up residence in my room through his open “smoke break” window.

Maybe first kiss birds really do appear. And maybe sometimes in the form of gross dirty New York City pigeons!

I am not always prepared in life. I’ll admit that. I’m often the one who will show up at the work event and forgot to bring business cards, or forget to pick up the dress I want to wear to an event from the drycleaners. But in important issues I over think everything. I’ve been known to use the phrase, “that’s why we have plan D” which alludes to the fact that I have not only an A and a D but one for every letter in between.

SIDEBAR: I will always have different plans, but I never have a backup plan.

I don’t only do this in work situations, but in what could be called serious life situations. I work out every option I have and makes list of what I am willing to give and take.

FACT: I usually give more then I take.

The place I do this most is in relationships: In the opposite sex.

A friend and I were chatting the other night about how “types” become obsolete at some point, and it becomes about our “give and take” list.  You know those things you are willing to let go. As my friend put it, “He’s probably not going to be tall, blond, and gorgeous.” “But he still might be perfect,” I said in response.

We let things go for things we’ve realized matter to us, or things we’ve found attractive (necessary) in our life.

Mamma Plum once told me we should only have basic standards when looking for a mate, “not violent, no criminal record, respectful of your beliefs, and gainfully employed.” After that she said it’s all give and take.

He might not be tall, but he comes from a good family, or he might be tall, but have bad teeth. Ok that’s a lie; if he has bad teeth I’m having nothing to do with that! (It’s on my standards list…I’m not joking)

So sometimes you have to give and take, and even when most prepaid and you meet the man of your dreams you realize you forgot your business cards at home.

Yesterday I had the pleasure (and I do mean pleasure) of spending time with the most amazing Nando and Nathan.

And we made a little video with huge production costs!

So check it out! Post a comment! And tell us what our next Hot Topic should be about!

SIDEBAR: I’m never chewing gum again….and I need some lipstick!