The Lost Plum…

A while back I wrote about qualities that my next ex-boyfriend should process. All these were good things; I just have to find him right?!  Well like everyone I’m sure my next ex-boyfriend has a list of qualities his next ex-girlfriend should have. So I thought I’d make it alittle easier for him.

13 reasons why I’ll make a great next ex-girlfriend.

1. I love to bake. And I need someone to eat my creations. Baking relives stress for me. I think because it’s so methodical and precise, and my life tends not to be that way. So if a boy loves pie and pudding, I’m his girl.

2. I’m a terrible liar. I turn red, I fumble my words, and if asked in a serious tone I’ve been known to tell secrets. I’ve never spilled anything people have told me in confidence, but if it’s about someone I maybe when confronted tell. I’ve been to many a surprise party I didn’t even know where parties because I can’t lie if confronted.

3. I shower daily, if not more, and brush and floss more then I should. How is that not a desirable quality?

4. I’m exotic. And if you don’t think that is true you’ve never experienced a Canadian Shield winter or summer mosquitoes that can suck a baby dry.

5. I am close to my family (ok sometimes alittle too close, but not in a creepy Morgan Freeman way) and they mean the world to me.

6. I’ve had the emotional abusive, verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive boyfriends. If you’re nice to me I’m pretty much head over heels already.

7. I love sex. Nough said.

8. I have so many amazing groups of friends. You can’t not love at least 10 of them, and no matter what happens with us, they are all great at being diplomatic and guarantee they’ll still love you after I don’t.

9. I love watching sports, on TV and from the stands. And if throw wings and beer into that mix I’m even more fun.

10. I have a nice rack. There I said it.

11. I believe in equality for all. And if you don’t you can just move on RIGHT now. (me and my blog don’t want you here)

12. I’m always up for an adventure. Name it, I’m probably game!

13. I make lists. They will make your life more productive, and if nothing less interesting and they create things to discuss.

I am not always prepared in life. I’ll admit that. I’m often the one who will show up at the work event and forgot to bring business cards, or forget to pick up the dress I want to wear to an event from the drycleaners. But in important issues I over think everything. I’ve been known to use the phrase, “that’s why we have plan D” which alludes to the fact that I have not only an A and a D but one for every letter in between.

SIDEBAR: I will always have different plans, but I never have a backup plan.

I don’t only do this in work situations, but in what could be called serious life situations. I work out every option I have and makes list of what I am willing to give and take.

FACT: I usually give more then I take.

The place I do this most is in relationships: In the opposite sex.

A friend and I were chatting the other night about how “types” become obsolete at some point, and it becomes about our “give and take” list.  You know those things you are willing to let go. As my friend put it, “He’s probably not going to be tall, blond, and gorgeous.” “But he still might be perfect,” I said in response.

We let things go for things we’ve realized matter to us, or things we’ve found attractive (necessary) in our life.

Mamma Plum once told me we should only have basic standards when looking for a mate, “not violent, no criminal record, respectful of your beliefs, and gainfully employed.” After that she said it’s all give and take.

He might not be tall, but he comes from a good family, or he might be tall, but have bad teeth. Ok that’s a lie; if he has bad teeth I’m having nothing to do with that! (It’s on my standards list…I’m not joking)

So sometimes you have to give and take, and even when most prepaid and you meet the man of your dreams you realize you forgot your business cards at home.

I was cleaning out my room and started to tackle a box, actually I should say a big bag of bags. Now not just any bags, this was a big bag of swag bags.

Swag bag castoffs that I just didn’t really get rid of. Like the not so exciting junk that you get in those bags…all the exciting junk I already had used and taken out.

This big bag of junk included: a bouncy –ball, a mini vibrator, vitamin water, three different hand lotions, penis shaped candies, lots of business cards and coupons, a bag of pretzels, shampoo, and so on and so on.

And a small pack of playing cards. Now they weren’t playing cards in the poker kind of way. They were for a different kind of game.

This was a pack of First date dating questions. A small deck that you can take with you, they were sized “to go”.

Insert a sigh. A large * sigh * for three reasons/thoughts that crossed my mind:

1) Why didn’t I think of that so I could be making money?

2) That a ridiculous thought LP cause that person who thought of it isn’t making money, hence why they are free.

(And)

3) Are they serious?!

This mini pack of first date questions is so ridiculous in concept I had to open the package.  (And I wish I hadn’t)

A small sample:

- Where would your dream home be located and what would it look like?

- What is your favorite thing to do on a date?

- How do u act when your angry?

- Would u like to live somewhere else?

- Is your glass half full or half empty?

- What was your worst breakup?

- What is your favorite sent?

Now I’ll try to control myself from throwing up in my mouth for a second here……

(yeah that didn’t work)

So, yes, these are all your basic and sometimes over the top get to know you questions. Sure you get a picture of someone here, but are these questions really necessary on a first date.

NO.

On a first date I want to see if we jive, if we make each other laugh, and if conversation flows.

Here is a hint: If you have to pull out pre written questions to ask your date, conversation does NOT flow and you should walk away now (and vise versa)

Would you have cards to help you lead the conversation with friends? No. Therefore, you shouldn’t have them on a date. If you can’t treat your date like you would your friends (or even better then you treat your friends) then you shouldn’t be dating.

And if you happen to need pre approved first date questions, for goodness sake memorize a few of the less sickening ones and leave the playing cards at home.

I haven’t been posting.  I’ve been a bad bad girl (as the title states) and people have been making me very aware of this.

I don’t have excuses only reasons.  These reasons would include:  my moving from one apartment to another, work, lack of internet, moving, puppy sitting, moving, stress, dealing with junk, people being just dumb, and did I mention I’ve been moving.

The other day I had tea and desert with my great friend “Tree”. I think I talked more then he’s ever heard me talk in one sitting. When we touched on the blog he mention something I’ve been hearing a lot from people.

He asked about my Sunday Pulls.  Where do they come from? Are they all used on me? What is PULL mean? And so on.

I get these questions all the time. So since I’ve been a bad girl and the last thing I posted was a Sunday PULL I thought this would be a great opportunity to discuss them.

YES! All of these bad pick up lines (PICK-UP-LINE-LOVE akaPULL) have been used directly on me.  I write them down, and have been writing them down for a very long time. I have about 5 full journals/notebooks of bad pickup lines and bad pickup situations.

One of my friends “J” always says, “If there is a bad pickup line in the joint it’s going to be directed at this one”, as he points at me.

SIDEBAR: This fact may or may not be true.

I started writing them down after this incident my first year of university, and haven’t stopped since.

FACT:  As I’ve gotten older, and fatter (I can say that!) I experience fewer bad pickup lines….one day they will stop.

So sometimes I don’t think. I’ll say it!  Sometimes my focus is drawn away from things. Now I get what I wanted to get done, but if it’s not on my lists, or a major importance then it can slip.

And feel bad this morning.  You see I let you all slip.  I mentioned last week that I had the next few weeks all preposted and wrote so that I could focus on work, and my ever-daunting apartment move.

FACT: I hate packing. I hate unpacking. I hate moving.

You see I did prewrite posts for everyday. I was very proud of this fact, and excited that I wouldn’t have to think about it.  Well this morning as I sit in the car waiting. (stupid offside/alternate side parking!)

I was thinking to myself I hadn’t received many comments, or an email in regards to the last few days posts.

This seemed odd. I might not get tons of comments, but I sure do always get emails.

SIDEBAR: I do read and enjoy all your emails. I’ve been really slow at getting back to all of them lately, but your reply is coming just you wait!

So, I go over to the blog, and low and behold I have nothing posted since Sunday. What?! But I wrote posts for the next two weeks, why aren’t they posting?  So I look into it, and there are no scheduled posts to go out that have been missed. In fact there is nothing.

SIDEBAR: There are SUNDAY PULLS, because those I have a backlog of.

Where are all my posts!!??  I was about 2 minutes from crying, and then I realized something.  Yup! I wrote them all in a word document, but never moved them to the blog.  I must have been so proud of myself for doing two weeks worth of blogs in one night that I rewarded myself with sleep and then forgot that I hadn’t complete what I set out to do.

And now I’m thinking how I do this in relationships.  I tend to think I’ve said what I am thinking.  I sometimes believe that guys should be able to read my mind, and therefore I don’t need to tell them how I feel. And this is how I get hurt. It’s like the last week when I talked about those little heartbreaks. The small ones that you try not to notice. Mostly these come about because I never say anything. I don’t stand up and say “HEY MR. YOU! I’VE FALLEN FOR YOU, AND I DON’T WANT TO GET UP” Instead, I assume they know this, I make jokes, brush off the important ‘feelings’ thing and end up not saying anything.

Just like the last few days…I’ve said nothing.  To the three of you that missed me, I’m sorry.