The Lost Plum…

As I mentioned yesterday, I had been on “assignment” this past week.  So as I was fruit dropping in Whole Foods stores across the city I noticed something.

All the men are buying vegetables: not buying fruit. (could be a good thing)

So being the engineer my parents wished  I had become, I came up with a game I like to call.

MAN BOWLING

Rules of the Game: take one piece of fruit and roll (bowl) it towards an attractive man, and try to get it as close to him (the pin) as possible. Upon rolling quickly and flirt-erly chase after the fruit! Giggling is encouraged!

If you look at my states from yesterday, the fruits with the highest probability of ‘scoring’ were round and rolled well (oranges, coconuts, lemons)

Also, this game allowed me a greater playing field, I didn’t have to wait for a man to walk by me, I could roll my orange from produce into the meat section or frozen section (depending on the store) very easily.   

Also, this game is much more physical then just dropping fruit; it combines food and sports (2 of the best things ever!) 

SIDEBAR: If you are going to act like a foul and drop fruit to pick up men, you might as go for it and throw fruit allover the place to reach the really cute one way over there!  

FACT: The funny thing is, I’ve never really been bowling.  Unless, you count the tiny ball, more pins, I’m not an American bowling.

* This game is not to be confused with MAN-BASEBALL, the chances of getting a date out of that, aren’t as high….. believe me!

So this past week, Dating Boot Camp was all about how to “get a guy” and “putting yourself out there” As always, the last part of ‘camp’ is questions with the ever exciting (and sometimes changing) man panel.

One woman asked a question about specific places, and techniques to meet men. One of the “men” answered with this technique and place for meeting men: Go into the produce section and when you spot a good-looking man drop a piece of fruit. If he picks it up start a conversation, and if he doesn’t you don’t want him anyways.

FACT:  This is just ridiculous! And Simon Agreed! She also offered up a challenge, and I always up for a challenge agreed!

So over the last few days I have visited 4 WholeFoods stores (at different times and multiple occasions). I picked WholeFoods based on the fact that Boot Camp referred to it as an “organic” place to meet men, and I love a good lame pun!

SIDEBAR: The purpose of this adventure is to try the technique, thus, I used it on men I didn’t always find attractive.

At first it seemed just odd to be doing, but then, like any adventure I set out on, I found it to be fun, and a challenge, and at times maybe a little dangerous.

On the fist day at around 7pm a very nice employee at WholeFoods, came over to me out of concerns that I could not “hold onto” my produce.  He was concerned I needed help shopping, or even medical attention.  I assured him I was fine, bought my three pieces of fruit (he followed me all the way to checkout, carrying my fruit), and left and headed further downtown (with 9 business cards in my bag I might add!)

The next WholeFoods wasn’t as successful, and as I looked around thinking this was a bust, I notice another employ behind the meat/seafood counter. He was looking at me, and not in a good way.  He then game me that “come over here” motion with his finger.  I slinked over thinking, shit, I’m in trouble.

Him: What are you doing?

Me: Buying fruit, sorry, I’m clumsy.

Him: (gives me a stern look) You are much more attractive then the older woman who was trying that trick earlier!

(I laugh, what else was I to do)

Success = being asked for my number, and or being presented with a business card. Produce success:

Apple: 2 out of 18

Lemons: 13 out of 20

Coconut: 8 out of 9

Oranges: 13 out of 22

Mango: 4 out of 9

Potato: 19 out of 20 (boys are always buying potatoes)

FACT: I’m left with some bruised up fruit cause I felt bad and had to pay for it.

(reason #___why I’m single: No idea! I can drop fruit like the rest of them)

Had a late dinner last night with Simone after the third instalment of Dating Boot Camp  (more on that to come!)  

As we sat and talked over our burgers about all thing good, bad, ugly, and sexy. I recounted the story of the first “sex talk” I ever had with my mother.  And I thought I should share.

It Happened Like This:

My mother and I are driving in the car home from something.  I’m 17, and had been dating “firstguy” for almost 2 years.  We aren’t really saying anything, sorta sitting in silence.  Then out of nowhere,

Mrs.P: Have you and ‘firstguy’ had sex yet?

Me:  NO…. (in an awkward way, because we of course had)

Mrs.P: Well you better or he’ll break up with you.

We then look at  each other in that, did you just say that/did that just come out of my mouth, way.

She quickly pulls over to the side of the road and gets out of the car, and starts walking…..when she finally returns to the car, she turns to me and says, “I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t talk to you when you are like this!”

And we drove home in silence.  It would be almost 3 years before she would say anything about sex again to me.

Simon and I had another night of Dating Boot Camp.  Now, I make fun of the “camp” alittle bit, sure.  But every once and a while I learn a few things, that make me go, “hey, yeah, that makes sense!”  

Well I thought I would share this little gem with you from tonight’s  Boot Camp.

Men love it when women play with their hair!

They like you to toss it, smooth it, flip it, curl it around your finger, pull it behind your ears, look up from under it, lift it up, and even suck on it.

But they DON’T like it when you EAT IT! So no biting down!

No Hair Eating on dates: NOTE TAKEN, Thank you Dating Boot Camp!

FACT: Hair is not a food group!

(reason #___why I’m single: I don’t play with my hair enough!)

As you all know Simone and I have been attending Dating Boot Camp.  Well she wrote a post this past week about the ‘90 day rule’ something Boot Camp endorses (although the entire man panel has disagreed) I could right a blog on my feelings of the 90 day rule and all that jazz, but you can read Simone’s (i agree with with her for the most part)  Basically, here’s the deal, I don’t want to be completely emotionally attached to you and then find out we can’t or don’t work sexually. I just don’t (I have before and, even though I say this I probably will again cause such is life)I started thinking about being emotionally committed to and in love with someone.

I’ve wrote about the ‘first guy‘, and the terribleness that was that relationship. At the end of the day, I did love him, and part of me does still care for him in the sense that I am who I am now because I do NOT have him in my life, and I guess in a sense I love him for finally walking away from me.  But this isn’t a story about that, this is a story about sex and love.  As much I disagree with the 90day rule I will tell this little story. ‘firstguy’ and I were on this big on again off again mess for over a year: mess! And we were definitely not having sex in the last (almost) whole year of this. Actually, not alot of physical anything but we were emotional attached and even when I tried to break a way he’d come crawling back with gifts and promises of us being perfect for each other (and even tales of how much god was telling him I was the one). In a moment of weakness, (in one of the many moments of weakness) I took his sorry ass back. (I did) He showed up at my dorm said he was sorry, how much he loved me, cared for me, how he would change and the whole nine yards (including jewelry and flowers) I remember feeling like he said this but he’d be back doing the exact same thing in a week. Well that time something changed alittle. We started not only kissing we started making out, clothes came off, and he wanted to have sex. I remember saying “why?” in the why-sense of  I shouldn’t do this and why is he all of a sudden wanting this after countless months of nothing. He laying right beside me on one of those tiny dorm room beds looked me straight in the eye and said. “I want to make love to you. You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved and will ever love. You are so special to me and I want to share that with you.” So we had sex. I honestly couldn’t tell you if it was good, or bad, but I can tell you its one sexual experience I will always remember. Although, now I know he was feeding me a line, I have never felt so emotionally committed to someone while having sex, and that in turn makes it one of the most pleasurable sexual experiences I’ve ever had (not on a mind blowing orgasmic way but on an emotional feelings kind of way)

So what’s this got to do with the  90 day rule? Yes, its great to get the sex out of the way so you know if two people are “compatible” but there will always be something nice about those time you ‘first’ have sex with someone you care about, and for some maybe that makes all the difference!

FACT: he didn’t talk to me or call me back for 3 weeks after that day. He then broke up with me because of an engagement (see #1 truth ive been told by a guy)