Anyways, Man Panel was asked a question that I keep thinking about. They were asked. What colour nail polish they prefer women to wear. Red, Black or no nail polish: All but one said NO nail polish.

Really? First off let’s point out this is New York City, the city where there just might be more places to get a manni peddi then get a Starbucks. So saying you prefer a woman with no nail polish is like finding a woman without hair.

Here is my thought.  Guys (and these man panel guys) LIKE girls in nail polish. Any colour nail polish.

They just don’t like THEIR girl in nail polish.

Boys love girls in sexy nail colours, just like they like girls in short skirts, with makeup and their hair did.  But take “their girl” and do her up and regardless of the relationship, they get a tad bit jealous. Just as women get jealous when their man is all dressed sexy and having women fawning all over them.

Nail polish is to show you off, and to make you appear sexual, hence why your man may not want you to wear it.

But saying you prefer all women to not wear nail polish is just a stupid excuse for not saying you don’t want “your lady to appear sexual to others”

So that is that.

SIDEBAR: Notice that I said taught not learned.

We talked about dates and what to do and not to do on a date, it was called “dating” boot camp.  One ‘tip’ I never touched on had to deal with things you never do on a first date. Now one of their listed items had to do with things you say. And how you never say too much, never give away too much information about yourself. Tell interesting facts about yourself that leave someone wanting more, not running for the door.

Running for the door topics might include:

- My healer thinks I need to…

- I want to have babies, lots of babies.

- I’m not legally allowed to…

- My therapist says I….

(And so on)

But then there was a point made that I have a little issue with. Now we can all agree there are things you shouldn’t say on a first date, or even a 10th date. But Dating Boot Camp taught me that there are always things that stay locked away “in the vault forever”, that certain “skeletons should always stay in the closet” even if you’re married.

So here is my issue. Yes we all have secrets and we all have issues. I don’t need to know every little detail about you, your past, or anything, but you better ass believe if I’m going to do something like marry you I better be made aware of any skeletons.

How does this advice lend its self to a relationship built on trust?  How can one fully trust someone when there are secrets and an actual “vault”?

Our pasts make up who we are, and what we bring to a relationship. People who don’t talk about past relationships when they get into a new one always floor me. Or even worse refuse to talk about them. A friend told me about how her boyfriend doesn’t want to hear about any past relationship she has been in, “as far as I’m concerned you were a virgin when I meet you”, and he refuses to discuss his past too.

But see how one interacts in a relationship is directly related to how we have been treated and acted in the past.

My closet of skeletons is pretty small, and I usually don’t give my vault combo to just anyone, but when I do it’s because I’m with someone I trust and respect. More importantly I trust them to show me the same respect.

Every woman needs to (apparently) manage their date. And on top of that learn to manage the date, period. Now we aren’t talking the ‘guy’ or person you are on a date with.  We are talking about the actual date, ie. the event.

Here’s the thing: I don’t want to manage a date. In fact, I want a date to be open for interpretation, full of nice surprises (not these type of surprises), and always open for an adventure at hand.

Do people really walk into first dates with a play-by-play in hand? Where is the excitement? Where is the enjoyment in that?

No one should be the disciplinary figure on a date…..well at least not till later on!

(reason #___why I’m single: I just like going with the flow)

So, let me indulge you on another piece of knowledge I’ve learned via Dating Boot Camp. The topic was things NOT to do in bed. I’ve already talked about a few of these before but I forgot about this morsels:

Laughing. Do not laugh in bed.

Now, at first one may think that this means no laughing at the guy’s package, or hairy chest, or what have you. However, this is actually for all laughter. Never laugh in bed. Period. Apparently, guys are very self-conscious (and the ladies are too) and any sign of laughing automatically makes them think you are laughing AT them.

Back the clown car up a minute!

I get that we are all self-conscious, about our bodies and then some. But no laughing! There are two worlds I don’t want to live in: The one with out sex, and the one without laughter.

I don’t think I’m alone in this, but laughing in bed is a turn on. Sex is fun, awkward, ridiculous, and is simply a great time to giggle, laugh and make fun of the situation. The say laughter is the best medicine, and they are right! Laughter is contagious and in a sense lets us let lose.

We’ve all had those shirts caught on our heads, hands tangled in hair, bras not coming undone, that’s right I’m not wearing underwear, zips not working, belt buckle mishaps, and I’m tick-a-lish moments!

As awkward as some of these moments maybe we can all admit they are funny, and there is nothing wrong with laughing. Laughter tells someone are enjoying the moment, and having a good time.

We aren’t five years old anymore, no one laughs and points fingers at someone else flaws.

So jump in bed (or someplace else) roll around and laugh! It’s ok to do it, I promise!

SIDEBAR: Laughter increases your life span (this is a proven study) so why wouldn’t you want to increase your sex life. Just saying!

(reason #___why I’m single: I’ve listed cleanup/sort blackberry notes to my calendar every month)

Now, they get more advise emails then I do, by far.  BY far!  And this doesn’t surprise me. First off, my male readership is larger then my female readership, and well, it takes a lot for guys to just come out and ask for advice. (in my opinion) Second off, as my mother would put it:

MamaPlum:  You don’t give relationship advice on that silly blog of yours do you?

Me: No! (laughing)

MamaPlum:  Good! You’re the last person who should be giving relationship advice!

After our discussion last night, I went back through my email inbox, and pulled out some of the ‘advise’ questions.  So here are 3 advise emails.  Broken down, and then my two sense!

Three stellar moments of dating/relationship/love/sex advise from Miss. LostPlum:

Q: “My girlfriend doesn’t seem to like blowing me….I don’t get how….what can I do….”

A: Is your penis smaller then average? No disrespect, but speaking from a personal stand point. I love to go down on a guy, unless the package isn’t that appetizing! In which case  I’ll pass! I’d rather be sucking on your cock, then stuck not being able to breath someplace lost between your sweaty thighs, ball hair, and stomach (just saying). If that isn’t the case, and if it means a lot to you bring it up, and/or walk away. Being able to sexually satisfy each other is a major part of any relationship.  (Also, who doesn’t like doing that? Really?)

Q: Your dating bootcamp….is there such a thing for guys…I need that…what about pickup men…suggest.

A: Well dating boot camp that I did was hosted by Matt/Tamsen who do offer services for males, but I can’t speak for their effectiveness or even the program.If you are looking for a pickup/wingman service let me point you towards The Art of Charm guys.  Again, I can’t speak directly for their effectiveness, but out of the ‘wingman/pickup artists’ services, they are by far the least douche-baggy one out there, and even better check out their Pick Up Pod Cast (I enjoy them!) OR even better go out, be yourself, and smile!

Q: When you….condoms….what is your favorite condom…cool to know what chicks think.

A: Condoms, condoms, condoms! Well the best thing about sex is trying out different types of condoms. Try them out, take them for a test ‘run’, and figure out what works out best for you…or even better what your ‘friend’ likes.

Am I doing something wrong? I’m starting to think my penis really is hiding down there somewhere! I don’t reminisce about the good things about being in a relationship. Sure I’ll admit it’s nice to have one/ be in one…but hold the horses for a minute, cause my bads outweigh the goods. And in fact, I think all single girls bads out weigh the goods. See women-girls-the female sex in general I think are more forgiving, more apt to put up with “crap” from a relationship.  

I don’t have a statistic to put here but in my scientific-guess-estimation (I did take 2 university physics class so I’m totally qualified to do so)

86.5% of women will stay in a relationship with the wrong guy while only 17.92% of men will!

We might “think” about the good because we block the bad, but “reminisce” about it, I highly doubt this!  If we wanted to stay in that relationship we would have. Women can be push over’s like that (now granted this doesn’t account for being dumped, but even then why spend thinking about that douche-bag)

Every guy I meet I’ll automatically pick out why he is or isn’t my type. “IS” equals as my friends so delicately put it, “an asshole-douche-bag-prick” and “IS NOT” my type equals “something has to be wrong with this guy!” (And the something wrong usually ends up being they are an asshole-douche-bag-prick)

Now I’ve had some great relationships and meet some of my bestest friends by dating them first, however, I always lean towards the negatives when I think of relationships. I don’t seek them out in hopes of recreating a “nice” feeling I’ve had in the past. Hell no! I always think the negative first…

My top 5 ‘negative’ thoughts I have about men….

1- He will cheat on me. Period!  (I don’t have to go into this…it has happened EVERY time)

2 – Date nights will turn into “come to my place lets have sex” (This is only negative in the sense that I do like to go out….sex is never a negative, well except for….)

3 – Sex will probably be bad. (I’m not hard to please in the end, but “this guy” probably isn’t going to rock my world, in fact, he probably wont)

4- He’s broken! (If he’s single he’s probably been broken by some girl….the bitch-ex-psycho, who I will then have to hear about all the time)

5- He going to get to serious way to fast….(I’m not looking to lay down roots anytime soon, but in between the douches I end up finding the “lets get married even though I just meet you” guys)

 (reason #___why I’m single: I’m always looking for the negatives)

 A 2 drink minimum!

we need to change this to at least a 4 drink minimum, seriously! And last night it needed to be at least 6…maybe 8…

 No sex for 90 days!

if you have sex 9 times on the first date does that some how cancel that rule out?

FACT: At least I didn’t eat my hair, well not on purpose!

One of the Taboo things was: No Drunk Girls in the Bedroom.  

Now drunk relationship sex I assume is different, but if you’ve waited your “90″ days, I’m sorry that IS a RELATIONSHIP! (and 3 of the man-panel men agree with me that 90days is in fact a full-blown relationship)

So the pros and cons of drunk, and I mean drunk sex! (Obviously my opinion. I’d say experience but obviously I always wait my 90days)

PROS

You are having sex! Do I really need more pros!

I’ve already been drinking which makes me more apt to agree to come to your place for another “drink”, “watch a movie”, “meet your dog”…. (We all know the typical used lines)

I’ll probably agree to what you want.

Generally more able to toss, position, move, push, and pull me.

You’re having sex what more do you want!

CONS

I’m vocally louder and might say, “I’m drunk we shouldn’t be doing this” at least 10times.

My head just might be spinning and sometimes that means this is how we’re doing this for little bit.

I laugh a lot (I don’t think this is a con, but Boot Camp also said “no laughing in bed allowed”)

I just might look like and feel like a mess in the morning, and maybe dry heave in your sink (I don’t puke in toilets. period. I don’t really puke.)

Your sheets are going to smell like sweat, sex, and booze for days.

If you don’t like sex, then this is a con! (but then I wouldn’t suggest challenging me to a drinking contest!)

SIDEBAR: I don’t see why they would even inform us of not having drunk sex, because you aren’t even allowed to have more then 2 drinks on a date in the first place.

I have alot to say about tonight and boot camp in general. But since I’m home late (a theme for the week/a theme in general, let’s be honest for a minute here) and I need to rise early I will say this.

I am actually going to miss the man panel!

I’m poked fun at them a few times, yes. BUT: They made the thing enjoyable funny and some (not all) of the time honest. And they are all just great funny guys too…..and in a room full of women (most over 35) they were “Kings”!

We’ve had 2 3 or 4 ‘dates’ together; me and man panel. And that my friends is a “relationship” and now they have walked out of my life with a “goodbye” and even a ‘fist-pound’. Off into the night….. Hmmm…….do you think they just aren’t that into me!?

*sigh*  I guess we’ll always have Boot Camp!

SIDEBAR: Was to busy talking to people I missed the draw box for a free personal session of boot camp. Simone laughed about this saying I “had to win it.” I laughed cause she so knows I’d show up day one in PJs and food in my teeth! 

FACT: It’s way to late, but that doesn’t mean I’m not watching GAME 6 right now on DVR!

Simone and I had agreed before hand that one of us had to ask a question. (And with no surprise it was I) We joked and conversed about questions to ask the man panel. Simon even posed it to her Twitter friends and we spent the day twittering about the ridiculous that one could ask.

As we found ourselves at Man Panel time, and as question in regards to losing erections, first kisses, and such bounced around I raised my hand (with authority I might add)

I take the mic:  “You’ve waited your 90days, or 9days, or even 9hours and your are with a woman who is by far more experienced then you, she knows what she wants and defiantly what she is doing. Your first thought is (beat) ‘Awesome!’ But your second and long term thought about a sexually confident woman is what?”

‘Awesome’ was echoed quite a few times with rapid headshakes and then:  One of our lovely men said he might honestly be alittle scared. Two others agreed that basically as long as a “safety word” didn’t have to be established it was cool.

And then this GEM:  ”I would wonder how she got so good” …”what she did to graduate from miner leagues to the majors”

*Hugh*What*Seriously*

Now first off this is a room full of woman over 30 who should be good at sex and most importantly Confident. Confident in themselves and in their sexual ability, no matter what it might be. (if not they need to work on themselves before they take on trying to learn about men)

Second off, this is one of those rules that don’t really go both ways between the sexes. (unlike the “numbers” conversation)

Women do NOT sit thinking how a guy got so good at sex: Defiantly not in the moment, and defiantly not after!  They might praise how good it was, but no girlfriend over mannis/peddies (or beers) is going to question how he got so good. She’s probably just jealous.

And who is to say a girl just can’t naturally be good at something? Just because she is “good” a guy has to assume she has had practice, and that  some how has to automatically mean it was with multiple people…..

REALLY GUYS!  (just like life some people are naturally good at things)

FACT: I don’t care what you had to do(or who you had to do) to graduate to the majors, I’m just happy your swinging your bat my way….