The Lost Plum…

A long long time ago when I was younger, and stupid, and full of teenage feeling for ‘firstguy’ we used to spend hours making out with basically no clothes on. (Silly no penetration teenage love)

‘Firstguy’ and his family were moving. And about 5 days before the big move his mom laid down the law. “No seeing Plum till you finish packing up your room”

It seems very very reasonable, but at the time it was the worst thing in the world.  The brilliant solution was that I would help him pack after school till just before his parents came home.

FACT: I did all the packing and he just complained.

One day we were more interested in each other then packing.  One thing leads to another and I ended up in my panties and nothing else. He seemed to have all his clothes.

And all of a sudden we hear something. His mom is home, and home early. Crap-attack! The room was basically empty nowhere to hide.

He looks at me point in one of those ways he would get where I obliged.

“Get in that box!”

My answer now would have been “you’re out of your fucking mind!” My answer then was to curl up in the box/trunk thing.

He then closes the lid. Closes the lid! YES, he did that! And……locked it!

I can hear mumbles, not too much more. A tap on the top of the trunk? My first thought is ‘thank god’ I’m getting out.

Next thing I know I’m swaying in the box. I feel all off balance. And mumbling, more mumbling.

My first thought…I’m going to die.

I hear noises and I’m being banged around. What the What!? I hold back tears and screams.

Next thing I know it is calm.  I’m no longer moving, I don’t hear anyone.  Then all of a sudden there is a loud bang, a few minutes later a strange sound.   I’m trying to pick it out, but it’s hard to.  I then feel a slight vibration. Holy f-ing god! I’m in the moving truck! I’m in the truck!

FACT:  THIS IS A FACT!

I start to cry. I don’t know if I was making a lot of noise, but I was crying, and convinced someone was going to discover my decomposing naked body stuffed in a moving trunk!  I was going to die! Period!

Then we stop, the truck stops, I hear noises. I stop crying. (sorta)

Then nothing and nothing.

Here I am a little hazy on the actual event.  I may have passed out it is very unclear. I do feel like I was in that trunk in their new house for at least 2 hours. That’s my best guess-timation.

I here a noise, a tap on the trunk.  This is either my ‘firstguy’ here to rescue me, or someone else who isn’t prepared to see my boobies.

The trunk opens.  It’s ‘firstguy’! That god!  And he has my clothes! Thank god again!

It’s dark outside!  “Sorry, I couldn’t get away we started dinner.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

I put on my clothes and marched myself all the way home!

And from that point on I decided: I will never get into a box or trunk again for a guy! Period!  I’m at least good enough to be provided with a little bubble-wrap first!

SIDEBAR: I did walk myself home, but I should stipulate that ‘firstguys’ family was moving into the house next-door. So it was a short yet purposeful angry walk home!

Things in my life are changing, mainly in the job/money world. I’m taking some bigger risks then I’ve ever taken before, and here’s hoping they payoff.

My mother and I last night on the phone discussed the different paths I’ve taken in life. Or as she put it, “driving in a corn field trying to find the road!” (Oh and don’t forget her constant reminders of how well the economy is doing in Canada)

“I bet you wish you could tell yourself at 18 to do something different!”

“Yeah, mom, but not in the way you think!”

So, if I could tell my 18 year old self 10 words of wisdom from the future what would they be?”

1.  Breakup with ‘firstguy’ now. Like 2 years ago NOW! Walk away, and don’t let your bruised up body turn back!

2. That knee brace you’re supposed to wear while playing sports, wear it! Trust me.

3. The car was blue. I know you think it was green, but it was blue! Remember that.

4. GM shares: sell now. Yup, I mean it sell sell sell now!

5. Moving off campus into a house with 7girls is not, and never will be a good idea.

6.   Take some more business classes!

7.  Write more.

8.  Student government sounds like a good idea. But in reality it isn’t.

9.  Get a breast reduction now. Don’t wait. It will change your life.

10.  Buy a mac computer now!

I do a weekly installment on this blog called: The Sunday Pull (pick-up-line-love)

Which are all actual pickup lines (good or bad, you be the judge) that have been used on me. I started keeping journals of them “a long-long time ago“, during my first year at University.

Like all freshmen away from home we socialized alot, and one thing my girl friends used to point out was how I got hit on by everyone (but mostly real ‘winners’), and it was like guys tried out the worst pickup lines (ever) on me.  My friend ‘Em’ (who sadly I don’t talk to anymore) used to say, “what pickup line love did that guy try?” (Hence the title PULL)

Everyone kept saying I should write them down, and I’d joke that maybe I would, but never did. However, when this incident happened I officially started my PULL journals.

–a long-long time ago–

The first big snowfall of the year was huge my freshman year. Being from northern Canada though I trudged through the snow to my only class, which had not been cancelled. Once it was finished I made my way back to the dorms through the newly cleared limited pathways.

A guy passed me, he nicely smiled as he walked by, and said hello. I smiled back. (He was the only other person on the path back towards the dorms with me)

As we walked (him about 5 feet ahead of me) he kept turning back to look at me, and would smile. He then stopped and bent down to what looked like to tie his shoe. I passed him.

It was cold, and my feet were wet and the campus looked bare.

I’m walking and all of a sudden….BAM! A powerful force out of nowhere bangs into me. I’m face down in a huge pile of snow, and it hurts!

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: “Oh god! I’m so sorry!” (He is helping me up, and brushing snow off me while continuing to apologize)

Me: (speechless)

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy:  I didn’t see you there!

Me: Are you kidding me!? There isn’t anyone else here!..That really hurt. (Continue to wipe snow off myself and collect my belongings, which have flown into a large pile of snow)

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: I feel terrible. I really didn’t see you. (continues to apologize)

Me: (eye roll as I finally find my bag in snow)

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: Really! I’m so sorry. Can I make it up to you and take you out to dinner sometime. I’d love to take you out.

Me: No, that’s ok. I’m fine, no worries.

‘Tying’ his Shoe Guy: Well I really want to take you to dinner……to say I’m sorry.

Me: Did you just push me in the snow to ask me out!?

(Silence)

Me: Seriously!? How old are we 5?

(And I walked away in a cold-wet-huff)

(reason #___why I’m single: I don’t always give people a chance.)

I had a bad night the other day. I got upset, and the fact that I was upset over something I really shouldn’t be caring about is what really upset me.  The fact that I even cared made it even worse.

I always say every guy I’ve ever been serious about has cheated on me. Well all but one, but I always had my doubts about him as well. Now, I didn’t doubt him because other guys had cheated on me, or all guys are douche-bags kind of way. It was more just a feeling I got from him and this might have been one of the reasons we drifted (there are so many other reasons/issues but that’s a novel not a blog post)

So the other night I couldn’t sleep, and my mind was already turning. I needed something to watch/listen too as I rolled over and tried to sleep. I looked through hulu (nothing really was catching my eye), netflixs (nothing either), and then I quickly went to the living room to look at our much to large DVD collection. I for some reason grabbed a DVD I had never watched, a DVD I knew I didn’t really care if I feel asleep during, I mean what could possible happen that I would care about.

I grabbed a documentary filmed with ‘band boy’ and his band as they did a major tour.  I had heard great things about it, remember 14 yearold girls pushing me out of the way to get it signed, but I personally had never watched it. So, I start to watch the 5 boys depart on their world tour adventure.

SIDEBAR: I feel like I need to mention the fact that at the time of this tour ‘band boy’ and I were dating, and I was even lucky enough to go on location too much of said world tour.

I’m watching, I’m watching, I’m watching. I turn over, I close my eyes, and I’m entering sleep. And then…I hear parts of a conversation, I turn over, I hit volume up, and slide my glasses on. I then rewind, then rewind again.

Are you fucking kidding me?!

I watch with my jaw open as the boys are teasing, laughing at, and discussing ‘band boys’ hickey, and the girl he was with the night before.

A hickey!? Are you fucking kidding me! I rewind some more, check location. Yup, ok a hickey in less then 48hours since I had left him/seen him.

So, there you have it.  My one and only ‘maybe’ did indeed cheat on me. It is now official:  Every guy I have ever been in a serious relationship with has indeed cheated on me.

Now my feelings on cheating and such are for another day. All I will say is that the only thing about this that bothers me is he lied to me. Period. That’s the worst part (and even more so because I still consider him a friend) I’m upset with myself, because I knew this, I knew in the back of my head, and in my being that this happened at least once and now it feels like numerous times. I should have trusted myself, and I thought by that point I did, but it turns out no.

I’m very angry with myself about this! I hate when I let my guard down.  I also hate that this is bothering me so much.  BUT, I will say I’m glad I broke the heart of a guy who lets one night stands give hickeys!  Who does that?

Was out the other night with a fellow blogger and my homesicle* Tom. And as you can imaging the topic went from PG-what’s-new to talking about penis slapping people in the face (the only thing I totally regret not including here!) So, Tom in all his foolery informs me that apparently guys like to just throw their penis out there. (Well he said “some guys” I don’t want to put words in him mouth)

It got me thinking. (As I so often do on my train rides home)

So… here is a list of the Top 5 “oh wow, that’s your penis right there” moments, feel free to comment about your own personal ones:

Take Me For a Ride ~ Going home one night (about 4 years ago) on a crowded #1 train the guy standing in front of me (I was sitting) unzipped and pushed his limp penis threw his fly, which slowly grew in front of me…….

Model Love ~ that model guy from almost a year ago who was way to dumb and way to young for me, took me to dinner. A very very nice dinner, at a very nice place. He excused him self to use the restroom and then,

Model: I found something in the bathroom you may like.

Un model like me: I highly doubt that (laughing)

Model guy then removes his hand which is resting near his belt buckle and pocking up from his pants right above his belt and in front of his tucked in shirt is his little friend saying hello.

Take That ~In University, my friend ‘TSS’ and ‘S-Collins’ were in the student lounge with me. ‘TSS’ said something that most likely poked funny at “S-Collins” (I don’t remember what was said, but I do remember us laughing our asses off) And then next thing I know is he has his pants around his ankles in front of her, Takes his penis and slapped her across the face with it. (The laughing stopped for a moment; we lifted our jaws off the floor and continued to laugh even harder)

I’ll Just Keep Driving ~ I was driving back home late from a cousins wedding (has to be like 7 years ago) and had taken a good friend from University as my date. He took full advantage of the free bar, and on the drive home we are talking and then I look over and he’s trying to fit his penis into the tip of a water bottle, cause he had to pee. (He then proceeded to climb into the backseat and try to pee out the window as I was driving on the highway, but that’s another story)

#1 is Where It’s At – It was about two years ago, middle of August, and one of those balls-ass-kill-me-now-nyc summer days! Sitting on the #1 train, which had about 20 people in the car. I notice out of the corner of my eye the man sitting across from me doing something. I take a closer look, and yup there he is masturbating. It proceeded to become one full on masturbating session (this guy really had to work that out, we’re talking moans people) No one really did anything or said anything (besides not sit right next to him) It was defiantly one of those NYC summer moments where you’ll put up with anything on the train cause its got Air-Conditioning and the other option is death.

SIDEBAR: A homesicle is usually used to describe a “homie” that lives with you…Tom does not live with me or vise versa…..(I mean it more like a tom-popsicle…..but not in a dirty way.)

FACT: If you aren’t reading Tom’s foolery over at YOURTANGO, you are missing out!  Case and Point.