The Lost Plum…

I had taken a nice solitude vacation at the end of my first year of grad school. Actually I spent the whole time in the resort room in Mexico writing my paper that was due the day I got back, and since I burnt crisper then a bucket of chicken on the first day, the room is where I stayed.

My favorite moments of this trip besides some nice sun therapy and the spa would have to be my late night phone calls with Mr. Popular while sitting on the balcony.

Mr. Popular and I had been chatting/texting/IMing for months, and had had a few in person adventures!

I got home to NYC red and ready to hand in my paper. I also was thinking somewhat dreamy thoughts of Mr. Popular. This was one of the only time I can remember of where I actually really contemplated us as a “couple” and in a real “relationship”.

Problem being I didn’t think he felt the same way at all. I was pretty convinced we had moved into the ever wonderful “friendship” zone. He treated me like a ‘girlfriend’ but just never touched me like one….or at least how I assumed all guys touch their girlfriends.

I was getting ready to go to bed early, as I get tired from plane rides, and I get a phone call.

Mr. Popular is in my hood and right up the street. He wants to come over and see me. Holy shit balls!

We talked laughed and joked around for hours into the night. Just lying on my bed talking. Only times he got off the bed was to take a smoke break. His smoke breaks consited of him at my window, stradling my ratiator so he was half out the window and half inside the bedroom.

As the hours flew by I became more and more convinced we dove deeper into the “friend zone” and pretty soon the sun was close to coming up.

SIDEBAR: I was pretty cool with friend zone, but starting to question his sexuality at this point. What guy lies in bed for hours with a girl and doesn’t try anything?

We were laying talking laughing and then all of a sudden he leans in and kissed me.

There it was! Wow!

“Did you just kiss me?”

He kissed me again!

And then he stopped stared in my eyes and jumped up!

“I have to go!”

He bolted, ran, left quicker then Kiefer Sutherland throws back a shot of whiskey.

And I went to bed with the sun coming up feeling rejected: Sad, lonely, and rejected.

Until I awoke to find I had company in bed with me.

There were feathers and bird poo all over as pigeons had flown in and taken up residence in my room through his open “smoke break” window.

Maybe first kiss birds really do appear. And maybe sometimes in the form of gross dirty New York City pigeons!

Yup. Brace yourself, here it comes: the virginity post!

Now unless my father asks this post is about me losing my virginity. If he asks this is a guest post by some dirty sinner! (Shame on you dirty sinner!)

People who know me are always surprised when the topic of “first times” comes up, and age is thrown on the table.

I was a late bloomer, not as late as other people I know, but to the masses I probably am.

I lost my virginity to “firstguy” when I was 19. There was nothing particular exciting, special or interesting about that evening, except I was 19. It was my birthday.

FACT: This is NOT the reason I dislike celebrating my birthday.

We were in my parent’s basement watching a movie. Braveheart, I only remember the movie cause ‘firstguy’ had a love for watching the same movies over and over again. Braveheart was one of these. I’ve seen that movie far more times then I would like to admit. (Far too many in like a two-year period)

Somewhere between Mel Gibson speaking with a Scottish accent and someone dying we had sex.

That is all I remember. No real detail about what was said or what was done, we just did more than the usual. And at that time more then the usual meant sex.

You always hear about sex hurting, and being painful and all that jazz. I don’t clearly remember that but if my memory serves me correctly I’d like to say that my first time as a girl didn’t hurt, or at least it didn’t cause me pain. But it was uncomfortable.

Kind of like when you tie your shoe too tight. You know that it doesn’t feel right, it’s alittle uncomfortable and it hurts to walk the first few steps, you know you just sense that something you did might not be right. But after that it loosens up and it’s like nothing wrong ever happened.

SIDEBAR: That analogy sounded cleaner in my head.

So there it was I was 19. One year older. I could vote, drink, and I wasn’t a virgin.

‘Firstguy’ was terrible at alot of things. Gifts were one of them, unless you count flowers. That boy bought me more flowers than Kiefer Sutherland buys rounds of shoots.

It was my birthday (and my first time) and all my boyfriend got me was cake, a Mr.Bean teddy-bear, Mel Gibson and a broken hymen.

One sexy lady blogger @KB_in_NYC wrote a post last week that got me thinking.  She wrote about songs that have emotional ties to relationships, and to life, and boys making mix tapes. Now I have to be alittle honest here, as much as I remember and was around in the “mix tape” era I was more exposed to boys making mixed CDs, and let me tell you the best part about the fact that boys made me mix CDs rather then tapes (well besides my youth) is they have easily been added to my iTunes library and thus I carry these boys with me everyday. (even on those days I actually make it to the gym)

Now as KB mentions there are music has this wonderful ability to invoke memories.  Whether they are of life, family, history, and yes relationships.  She composed a list of her “life playlist” not just limited to relationships.  I have those songs too, but more so I have that with artists.  Every time I hear Frank Sinatra I think of car trips with my parents, when my brother who was maybe 5 at the time would sing Sinatra songs non stop for hours in the car (my parents thought it was cute, I at the time thought I had the worst family ever, but as long as he didn’t look out “my” window we were cool) I can’t not think of my best friend “PAL” when I hear John Lennon, or my mother when I hear The Doors, and Men at Work makes me think of Amsterdam.

Yes, There is something very wonderful about listing songs that are the soundtrack to my life, but that list is way to long, and never ending, and honestly I just really wouldn’t know where to start.

So let us stick to things I do well: talk about all the crazy boys that have come in and out of my life. So here is a list of 13 songs that will forever posses the power to make me reminisce about boys, or actually just one boy (well not all one boy but one boy per song, well there are some repeats)

FACT: the ex’s entire cannon of music could make up it’s own post. I may or may not have included one below.

Truly, Madly, Deeply – Savage Garden

(Oh silly silly high school “love”. This was also my prom theme)

Why Can’t I? – Liz Phair

(I fell “in like” hard with an Austrian Tennis Player while traveling through Europe..I know it’s so cliché I can’t deal.  I had never heard this song at the time, but he one day turned to me and said this song made him think of me, and now it makes me think of him)

So What Does It All Mean – Johnny Was

(Oh, I can’t even go there. The first boy who made an effort and pursued me….it has absolutely nothing to do with the Walk To Remember movie ..it’s on the soundtrack)

What I Got – Sublime

(It reminds me of the first time I fell for a boy and told myself I wasn’t, but also the first time I ever felt good about myself in a relationship)

Addicted – Simple Plan

(Don’t even ask)

Punk Rock Princess – Something Corporate

(Didn’t really workout. However, I’m still looking for someone to be my heroin)

Two Coins – Dispatch

(The first boy who ever played the guitar and sing for me.  It was the start of a long long road of musicians after that, but this song just makes me think of good things and good times and university)

Save Tonight – Eagle-Eye Cherry

(The last song a guy ever played and sang for me on the guitar)

Original Prankster – The Offspring

(This song makes me think of the first time I ever really enjoyed being in a relationship, the first time I just let it all go, plus rockin’ like Janet Reno is all I really want to do)

E.I.  – Nelly

(The boy who I just always had the wrong timing with. “Uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” )

Murder the Government – NOFX

(I don’t know why, but it always makes me think of my very first ‘fuck buddy’)

As you Sleep – Something Corporate

(Yes, I am repeating bands. This song will always be attached to the last boy I loved. This is one of my all time favorite songs by one of my all time favorite bands)

You Don’t Mean Anything – Simple Plan

(This song is the one that broke my heart, and it still does)

A long long time ago when I was younger, and stupid, and full of teenage feeling for ‘firstguy’ we used to spend hours making out with basically no clothes on. (Silly no penetration teenage love)

‘Firstguy’ and his family were moving. And about 5 days before the big move his mom laid down the law. “No seeing Plum till you finish packing up your room”

It seems very very reasonable, but at the time it was the worst thing in the world.  The brilliant solution was that I would help him pack after school till just before his parents came home.

FACT: I did all the packing and he just complained.

One day we were more interested in each other then packing.  One thing leads to another and I ended up in my panties and nothing else. He seemed to have all his clothes.

And all of a sudden we hear something. His mom is home, and home early. Crap-attack! The room was basically empty nowhere to hide.

He looks at me point in one of those ways he would get where I obliged.

“Get in that box!”

My answer now would have been “you’re out of your fucking mind!” My answer then was to curl up in the box/trunk thing.

He then closes the lid. Closes the lid! YES, he did that! And……locked it!

I can hear mumbles, not too much more. A tap on the top of the trunk? My first thought is ‘thank god’ I’m getting out.

Next thing I know I’m swaying in the box. I feel all off balance. And mumbling, more mumbling.

My first thought…I’m going to die.

I hear noises and I’m being banged around. What the What!? I hold back tears and screams.

Next thing I know it is calm.  I’m no longer moving, I don’t hear anyone.  Then all of a sudden there is a loud bang, a few minutes later a strange sound.   I’m trying to pick it out, but it’s hard to.  I then feel a slight vibration. Holy f-ing god! I’m in the moving truck! I’m in the truck!

FACT:  THIS IS A FACT!

I start to cry. I don’t know if I was making a lot of noise, but I was crying, and convinced someone was going to discover my decomposing naked body stuffed in a moving trunk!  I was going to die! Period!

Then we stop, the truck stops, I hear noises. I stop crying. (sorta)

Then nothing and nothing.

Here I am a little hazy on the actual event.  I may have passed out it is very unclear. I do feel like I was in that trunk in their new house for at least 2 hours. That’s my best guess-timation.

I here a noise, a tap on the trunk.  This is either my ‘firstguy’ here to rescue me, or someone else who isn’t prepared to see my boobies.

The trunk opens.  It’s ‘firstguy’! That god!  And he has my clothes! Thank god again!

It’s dark outside!  “Sorry, I couldn’t get away we started dinner.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

I put on my clothes and marched myself all the way home!

And from that point on I decided: I will never get into a box or trunk again for a guy! Period!  I’m at least good enough to be provided with a little bubble-wrap first!

SIDEBAR: I did walk myself home, but I should stipulate that ‘firstguys’ family was moving into the house next-door. So it was a short yet purposeful angry walk home!

Things in my life are changing, mainly in the job/money world. I’m taking some bigger risks then I’ve ever taken before, and here’s hoping they payoff.

My mother and I last night on the phone discussed the different paths I’ve taken in life. Or as she put it, “driving in a corn field trying to find the road!” (Oh and don’t forget her constant reminders of how well the economy is doing in Canada)

“I bet you wish you could tell yourself at 18 to do something different!”

“Yeah, mom, but not in the way you think!”

So, if I could tell my 18 year old self 10 words of wisdom from the future what would they be?”

1.  Breakup with ‘firstguy’ now. Like 2 years ago NOW! Walk away, and don’t let your bruised up body turn back!

2. That knee brace you’re supposed to wear while playing sports, wear it! Trust me.

3. The car was blue. I know you think it was green, but it was blue! Remember that.

4. GM shares: sell now. Yup, I mean it sell sell sell now!

5. Moving off campus into a house with 7girls is not, and never will be a good idea.

6.   Take some more business classes!

7.  Write more.

8.  Student government sounds like a good idea. But in reality it isn’t.

9.  Get a breast reduction now. Don’t wait. It will change your life.

10.  Buy a mac computer now!