all coming back….
At the end of any relationship things go unsaid. I think we can all agree on this fact. We don’t say everything we want to say, we say thing we don’t mean, and for some of us it’s the only time we stick with the “silence is golden” rule.
Almost 6 or 7 or even 8 years since I had even spoken or seen “first guy” he tracked me down at a job (aka he googled the hell out of me) called my work mid day and asked me to forgive him for how badly he had treated me. I told him simple he didn’t have to ask me to forgive him because I already had.
Fact of the matter is I didn’t forgive him (well maybe I did) I just didn’t care anymore. I could careless. I spend most of our hour conversation in which he wanted to “catch up” wondering what type of 12 step program he was in, in which he needed my forgiveness.
FACT: I may have asked if he was in rehab.
SIDEBAR: This call from him also came a few months before he married wife number 2, so maybe that is how they were connected.
So my question of thought rolls around this…..is it better to say things regardless of your timing then to never say them at all?
Does letting out thought and feelings in regards to relationships better then bottling them up and waiting for hem to go away. And in that case do they ever really all go away.
A few months back I drunkenly told a guy I had cared deeply about that he broke my heart when he said he couldn’t be involved with me (after we had been involved) Did I mean it, yeah, but did I really mean it, I don’t think so. (does that make sense?!)
It felt good to get it out there. To say “you hurt me, I’m over it, now lets be friends!” And great friends we are!
Last summer I had a good guy friend get married. This guy friend and I had started something once, but timing and location made it impossible. One of the “what if” relationships. We all have them, in fact, life is full of those “what if” moment. (In fact that is a whole blog on it’s own)
This friend called me two days before he got married to tell me that exact thing. “What if” and how he “wished we had been able to give it a shoot” with me.
So why is it when it comes to relationships, when it comes to matters of the heart do we close up when something is right in front of us, but later on we let out how hurt we are, what we regret, and ask for forgiveness?
Really? Like 5 years after the fact asked for “forgiveness” I can’t believe you didn’t hang up the phone and tell him you’d see him in Hell! What an ASS. He def isn’t one of your “what ifs”
I think it’s good to let stuff out even if it’s like a few years later. I think it works greta with old friendships more so then relationships. When you run into that friend you stopped talking to it’s better to just let it out then hold it in and pretend to be nice about it. Great post.
Well I give that marriage 2 years max!
Fab post .. and its got me thinking on my should or shouldn’t question dangling on my FB status …
I suppose when something is in front of us – especially something / someone close to our hearts – we close up in fear of getting hurt; by thinking that its ok not to voice our thoughts in case things don’t work out .. we’re always worried about what the other person will think ..
But have we ever stopped to wonder what the other person thinks of us ? how they might be feeling ? and the only way to know that is to bring it up – out in the open ..
I reckon I just answered my own thoughts – I SHOULD ask the guy I’m interested where things are headed however have been making excuses due to the fact that he’s in NY; timings clash etc etc … I’ll let you know when I make that call …
Just having a very similar google chat this morning (fav phrase has to be “psychological booty call”):
her: we are not dating now, but he has decided to open up now, and spill every thought in his mind
her: which would have been helpful during the dating, now…. i think he wants me to be his un-girlfriend
me: ok. yeah, i think [mutual friend] made a similar remark about [her ex] recently
me: hmmmm :-/ so friend w/ benefits
her: no not even that
her: he wants a psychological booty call
her: daily
Better to have said all you wanted to say than to have said nothing at all. The latter leads to more regret that you cannot have back. However if you are a stalker, your thoughts are probably better confined in your creepy diary.
I actually say it ALL – nicely, of course – within a week or two after the breakup, in a “thank you and goodbye” note. Very therapeutic. I keep a copy of this letter for myself to solidify (at a later, weaker point for example) WHY it ended, and how grateful I was for that relationship.
That said, you seem to attract some hanger-ons. :) That makes for GREAT blogging!