The Lost Plum…

Remember Dating Boot Camp? Seems like forever ago, wait you already forgot about it. Well then, let’s pull out some information/advice I was taught back out there.

SIDEBAR: Notice that I said taught not learned.

We talked about dates and what to do and not to do on a date, it was called “dating” boot camp.  One ‘tip’ I never touched on had to deal with things you never do on a first date. Now one of their listed items had to do with things you say. And how you never say too much, never give away too much information about yourself. Tell interesting facts about yourself that leave someone wanting more, not running for the door.

Running for the door topics might include:

- My healer thinks I need to…

- I want to have babies, lots of babies.

- I’m not legally allowed to…

- My therapist says I….

(And so on)

But then there was a point made that I have a little issue with. Now we can all agree there are things you shouldn’t say on a first date, or even a 10th date. But Dating Boot Camp taught me that there are always things that stay locked away “in the vault forever”, that certain “skeletons should always stay in the closet” even if you’re married.

So here is my issue. Yes we all have secrets and we all have issues. I don’t need to know every little detail about you, your past, or anything, but you better ass believe if I’m going to do something like marry you I better be made aware of any skeletons.

How does this advice lend its self to a relationship built on trust?  How can one fully trust someone when there are secrets and an actual “vault”?

Our pasts make up who we are, and what we bring to a relationship. People who don’t talk about past relationships when they get into a new one always floor me. Or even worse refuse to talk about them. A friend told me about how her boyfriend doesn’t want to hear about any past relationship she has been in, “as far as I’m concerned you were a virgin when I meet you”, and he refuses to discuss his past too.

But see how one interacts in a relationship is directly related to how we have been treated and acted in the past.

My closet of skeletons is pretty small, and I usually don’t give my vault combo to just anyone, but when I do it’s because I’m with someone I trust and respect. More importantly I trust them to show me the same respect.