we’re sorta a package deal and they’re paying…
I joke a lot on here about my mom. I do, I know I do. I make fun of her in a playful way to her face too, she cool with it…well depending on the topic (this one still upsets her, but my bro and I find it funny to bring up anyways)
But my mom is maybe the best relationship I have in my life. My family in general is. They have always been consistent, and reliable, and willing to do anything and everything for me.
I had the most wonderful talk last night with both mamaplum and daddyplum on the phone. We talked work, friends, life, business, and boys (well my dad did not partake in the talk about boys) I finished up the conversation feeling good about number one: feeling good about me, and confident in me!
I’ve been getting flack from some of you saying I’m starting to write all emotional on you, yeah maybe I am right now, but no worries it’s stopping.
My family does things for me that they probably don’t have to. I’m in my late 20s and every once and awhile my dad will put money on my credit card, my mom still sends me care packages, she offers to fly here to do my laundry and clean and cook for me when I seem stressed, and I know my parents would happily eat soup from a can for months before they let either my brother or I do so.
FACT: My mom asked last night if I was eating healthy I told her I had a salad with chicken for dinner….I ate toast and a pomegranate.
I lied to her not cause she would be mad, but because if I told her that there would be a FreshDirect box of vegetables and good food at my door in the morning.
So how does this transform back to my dating life you may ask? Well it made me think back to a conversation I had with one of my great guy friends ‘AT’. He was thinking of ending a relationship he was about 2 months into. There were lots of reason (she was crazy….like clock is ticking already had a dress hanging in her closet crazy) but one thing he brought up struck a small cord and made total sense to me.
He said he just couldn’t be with someone that didn’t understand that no matter how financially secure he is in his life; he will never be finically free from his parents. Now ‘AT’ and I have both had great jobs, made lots of money. But we grew up in households where family is there for you, and not just emotionally and physically. The girl he was seeing wouldn’t stop bring up that his parents helped with his down payment for his apartment he bought, that they paid for his education, that they talked all the time, and so on.
It’s a small thing, those small comments that really dig at you. Now my parents (and ‘AT’s) don’t shower me with money. But if I was to ask they would help me, problem has become I don’t really want to ask.
So I need a guy in my life that won’t question, and more importantly won’t judge me for actions at the end of the day I can’t help. I can’t help that my parents love and support me in everything I do and they show it in ways like money. I love my parents more then anything and anyone, and that is the relationship we have. They will always be there. Guys have come and gone, and will probably continue to do so. So at the end of the day I guess I’m searching for one who can love me and my family too….oh and I guess also putting up with my mother maybe showing up out of the blue to do his laundry.
bravo! sing it sista! It’s true, my parents work really hard in life and they choice to help me, they love me. Just because someone else doesn’t have that doesn’t mean they should judge. I’m not rich and my parents aren’t but they help me in every way they can. They love me so much and I wish everyone else was as lucky as me, but they aint. That’s not my fault so stop bitching about it.
great post again. i think it happens in relationships because those should end up becoming attached in things like money you end up sharing money. but what is worse that you didn’t mention is when friends bring money up. My grlfriend lost her job in the summer and I had to ask my parents to help with our rent a few months. They happily helped and then some. We were out with friend and one casually mooked the situation, how he had to leave because he still can’t ask mom and dad for money. that is what always killed me, not the romantic partners bt the judging friends. the ones who had to work all through school and have two jobs.
i think it is wonderful that you have such a greta relationship with your parents. It is about that not the money when people bring it up. Yes the money is a big part because we all think about $$ but it is more about the fact that someone hates that you and your parents are so close. We all aren’t so lucky.
People actually have a problem with that? Many supportive family LIVES to help out “in little ways.” I’ve not needed money of any kind for years. For most of my adult life i have made more than my mom and dad combined. My mom STILL gives me $100 every time I visit “just because.”
Parents love that stuff. Controlling freaking sig others need to chill the fuck out. It’s none of their business nor their place to judge.
the only thing your mom might like more is if she was coming to wash little baby clothes! wonderful post AGAIN.
carla– not your fault at all, you’re very lucky to have your parents and I’m sure they feel the same:)
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Todd — yes friends are a whole other story all together. As for the working through school thing I don sometimes blame my parents for the fact that I can not get a second job in retail or food services because I have ZERO experience because I never had to work….oh well.
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KyrstalBB–thanks for you first comment. and yes I am very lucky, but we all are lucky in our own ways.
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drunkenhopfrog — my fav. frog it is those ‘just because’ things that we all do that make the world better. See peterfranks comment after yours ;)
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Peterfrank — I didn’t know you knew my mother;) thanks hon.
I don’t think it has anything to do with being jealous of a person’s close relationship to parents: emotionally or financially. That’s all well and good. If they have the time and resources to shower them upon their progeny, then more power to them. However, if the off-spring need it because s/he is incapable of being independent (emotionally or financially) after the age of 20, then the parents have undermined his/her development. If I’m considering a relationship with someone I hope she’s had a stable family life, are financially stable, and has a good relationship with her parents, but if I think she has dependency issues, then I’m gonna run… I’m not saying I think this would be the case for either plum or ‘AT’, but I do think it is a real problem for our generation (e.g., http://www.newsweek.com/id/147767 ).
rock on sister! no judgments and no silly talk about how often you’re talking to your parents! we gotta walk our own paths–even if that means stopping over for some fresh veggies and cheese at the parents house!