The Lost Plum…

This should be a post where I talk about the New Year upon us (NOT a new decade!) and talk about the past year and what it has meant to me, or even what this next year will bring.  Nope, this isn’t one of those posts, well not really…

I was chatting with my mom last night. She’s very confused by the whole ‘blog thing’. She gets it, but for the life of her can’t figure out why anyone would read it.

“They do realize your challenged, right?”

“Yes, mum”

“Ok, well what do you write about? What could you possibly say?”

“I don’t know… about life and stuff”.

“Ok…as long as you aren’t writing about sex, or putting naked pictures of yourself up on the interneter screen”

“I’d have to having sex to talk about it mum.”

“Don’t say that! I don’t want to know about that. Stop…maybe you can talk about all the nice men you know, rather then all the gommies you always find.”

“Yeah, ok thanks Tips”

“You know I don’t like it when you call me TIPS.”(A mothers sigh to be heard across the country)

Maybe my mom has a point. Not about me being challenged, that’s a whole other point. Mama Plum makes a good point about guys. I have found some real ‘gommies’ out there, and I might have high standards (according to everyone but me) but maybe that is because there are men (guys/boys/whatever) in my life that are so amazing it’s virtually impossible to find someone to compare.

Maybe I should start writing about all the amazing great guys (who I’d never date) I have in my life. Maybe as the year winds down I should think of all the wonderful friends I have, who really are the best (boy)friends one could ever hope for.

SIDEBAR: I had to throw in a little end of the year nostalgia for good measure.

I’ve been involved in a lot of conversations that deal with “type” lately.  What your type is when looking for a suitable mate.  Now, Iots of people will say they don’t have a set “type”; in fact I’ve said it many times.  There is nothing wrong with that, and yes, a lot of guys I’ve been attracted too are different ‘types’ but I think type becomes more about qualities one possesses rather then a set standard or type.

Recently I’ve been reevaluating the idea of my type in my head, thinking more about qualities.  So while I wish I had a list for you all on what my type is, I can only give you a list more of characteristics that are “my type”.  Because really it’s little qualities that really make the person or should I say make the man.

7 qualities my NEXT EX-BOYFRIEND SHOULD POCESS:

HE’S TALKATIVE:  He doesn’t have to dominate a conversation or be the loudest one in the room. However, someone who is engaging, who I have amazing discussions with is a must! Someone I open up to (tell my secrets too) and can talk with for hours on end, or just listen talk for hours on end.  Someone who has topics he is passionate about and knowledgeable with. He speaks his mind, and says all the right things (even when I disagree).

AN EATER:  I want a guy who likes food, who likes to eat, and who will try new foods. Now I’m not saying be uber adventurous, because I’m not always that adventurous when it comes to food, but if you always get the same thing when we go out it’s over.  And you bet we’re ordering desert! I will most likely never date another vegetarian again, and for sure not another vegan.

IS BEAUTIFUL:  Not in the physical sense, although I’m never going to complain about that. I want a guy with a beautiful soul that I trust with my life.  Someone who treats others, and me in the manner we deserve.   Someone who makes my soul smile when I look at him.  I hate to say it but beauty really is skin deep, and if you don’t believe me then you should question the friendships/relationships you have in your life.

INTELLIGENT:  We learn from school and we learn in life, regardless of where it came from I need a guy who is smart.  He doesn’t have to know everything or anything about specifics.  But he has to have those things that he ‘knows’. Those topics that he can have me fascinated with for hours on end (see #2) I love learning new things about topics I don’t know, and even ones I do.  Someone who is good and knowledgeable at what they do know regardless of what that is….and maybe a few good trivia tidbits to throw into the mix.

HE’S FUNNY:  He doesn’t have to be the class clown, life of the party funny, or even keep up to me. Although, if he can keep up with me that’s even better.  Just be funny in the sense that he makes me laugh.  Make me laugh and you make me swoon!

A GOOD KISSER:  If I find myself smiling while I kiss a guy it’s an amazing thing!  If I can recall moments where we have kissed that’s pretty good too.  We all know how I feel about PDA’s but if I find myself wanting kiss him in public, that’s just even better.

DRIVEN BUT STILL A DREAMER.   I need a guy who is focused in his life. Who works hard and enjoys what he is doing, also strives to be a better person.  However, he still needs to idealize about certain things, future plans, and exciting ideas.

Chinstrap dude: You come here often?

Me: ummm…sure (?)

Chinstrap dude: Come here?

Me: Yeah. You?

Chinstrap dude: You come here?

Me: yeah (?)

Chinstrap dude: yeah, but have you ever cum in here?

I meet a nice guy at a new years party last year (well technically it was this year but whatever…). We exchanged numbers and he called me, in fact we had about 5 really wonderful phone conversations before we went on a date, and we dated for about 2-months or so after that. Actually we dated till he became a complete douchebag but that’s another story.

This guy I trekked to see! I would make two subway transfers (sometimes three times depending) and would find myself at the end of the 1-train in the Bronx’s. (Anyone who knows me was always so perplexed by this, “YOU dating a guy way up in the Bronx’s!”)

One night we were out at dinner and he brought up a small fact or rather a request he and his roommates had.

You see he and his roommates had noticed that since I had been coming around and spending time at their place one thing was different. One thing just wasn’t the same as it used to be. You see something was missing. Their toilet paper in the bathroom was vanishing quicker then it used to.

FACT: You heard me right! Their toilet paper, or their bum wipe, as my dad so adequately puts it.

They had theorized (which was reached no doubt while eating pringles and getting high) that because girls use more toilet paper ( “you know every time you pee”) that I was costing them money. Precious toilet paper money! They were spending more money on toilet paper (which I should add was the cheapest stuff ever and in fact I believe sometimes was stolen from their offices)

He asked if I would consider contributing towards their ‘household item fund’, or buying a few rolls to contribute. To which I promptly said I would bring my own and laughed in his face.

Now, I should have just told him he and his friends were dicks, but I liked his friends (and sorta liked him) and I knew two of his roommates struggled with money. You’d never guess that based on their smoking habits, but I figured I’d carry tissues in my bag and make a point.

About 2 weeks later we were watching a movie in their living room and one of his roommates came in. He made a comment about how I never cooked dinner for them anymore, or brought baking, or swag from work and how they all missed it.

SIDEBAR: we’d cook at his place alot and I’d always make extra for the roommates. I love to bake but hate to eat it, so his roommates enjoyed pie and cookies a lot. I also got lots of guy centric swag from my old job and would dump it on them.

I replied in a calm manner, not missing a beat and not taking my eyes off the TV.

“Well my household item fund expenses increased unexpectedly this month. But you are welcome to contribute to my feeding and providing for the boys I don’t have sex with fund”

Needless to say neither of them found it funny. And about 2 weeks later the inner douchebag of this guy started to show culminating in him standing me up at a concert I had to use connections to get tickets too, and then telling me he didn’t make it cause he was having sex with his fuck buddy and lost track of time.

FACT:  My mothers face when my dad says “bum wipe” is a sight to be seen, she has also been known to throw things at him when he says this. These things have been known to be expensive breakables.

Plum: oh, I’m sorry (falling/bumping into guy on subway)

V rider: no problem.

(Smile at each other)      (Quick stop/jerk on subway)

V rider: (leans in and whispers in ear) You’re a tease you got me all hard last time and this time nothing.