The Lost Plum…

When people ask me what my ‘type’ is I never know how to answer. I’ve dated and been attracted to many different ‘types’ of guys. I am attracted to little things, those small maybe even unnoticeable things that don’t fit into a box of types. I do however, know what is NOT my type, and what I am not attracted to, but that’s another post all together.

I often joke about the “boy I will fall in love with” and what he is like. You know like, I’m destined to fall in love with an actor who hasn’t been in any type of show in 10 years and is really just a professional bartender.  I laugh and shrug it off, but then sometimes really do mean what I joke about.

I tell people (and yes laugh it off) that I’m going to fall in love with the first guy who tells me I’m “beautiful.”

I mean that! Not in the random guy on the street, or drunken kid at the bar, but the first guy who I like, who likes me back (or at least I think he does) and truly means it when he says it.

The first guy who looks me in the eyes and tells me I’m beautiful I’m going to swoon so hard for, it’s going to hurt!

I’ve never had a guy (again except for the creepy old men on the street) tell me I was beautiful. Never. No guy I’ve ever cared about, or I believed cared for me has ever said that word to me/about me.

I’ve gotten the “you look nice” a few times but I’m a prisoner to: CUTE.  I get told I’m sweet alot too but that’s more about personality rather then looks. When it comes to looks I’m boxed in with “cute”. I get it everywhere, from every guy I’ve ever been with, been interested in, been friends with, hell even alot of my girl friends would use that word to describe me.

Now there is nothing wrong with being cute, in fact I probably embrace my cuteness too much, but at the end of the day I’m not 10 years old (as much as I want to be). You can only ever feel cute when that is all you’ve ever been told to feel. I don’t think I ever feel more then just cute.  And honestly, I want to feel beautiful. I want a guy to look at me and make me feel that way, and straight up say it to me. I want a guy to tell me I’m beautiful, and even more I want to believe it.