I ain’t drinking the KoolAid, or “non KoolAid”, whatever you call it…
I was having a late night DM back and forth with my favorite Mexican Nando. He posed the question to me about a topic a lot of “dating” bloggers have been writing about.
FACT: I’m not really a fan of being lumped into the group “dating blogger” but people do it so I laugh it off and nod.
So the non date date? Well my DMs with Nando sparked thoughts running through my head about the topic, not that I hadn’t thought of it before. Really like everyone is writing about it.
SIDEBAR: Everyone has their opinions and all the blogs I have read on the topic are right in their own way. It’s dating and relationships we all think different.
Read Nando’s post for a nice break down of what other have said and his thoughts on the subject. Now as he states in his blog (actually he “direct quotes” me) I am not a fan of this term. Without going into a big explanation and give meanings and descriptions of terms let me just say this. A date is a date. Putting the word “non” in front of it makes it impersonal and counteracts the term “date”.
It is pretty impossible to believe that people go out after communicating and there isn’t some time of attraction or intriguer on at least one of those peoples part.
And that statement brings me to the thing I hate most about this term. The term Non date date is truly heterosexual. It really is. Its basic description is to label two people going out/spending time together, as not “dating”. Ok, but no one has ever used this term (at least to my knowledge) said this about the same sex. I’ve met a lot of Twitter friends in really life who are female. And no one would ever think to call it a non-date date. Seriously. People use this term as an escape. They can’t use the “we’re just friends” one cause they aren’t. Most of the time they are just meeting, so what, they should throw up the “non date date” sign.
People have mentioned that if you don’t split the bill it is a date, and there for a non date date. Again, I call bullshit. I have gone out with plenty of friends (male and female) where one person will pick up the tab. I’ve also meet friends for little coffee talks, and get to know you moments. Little signs don’t define friendships or connections with others. (It is either a date or not)
You are making a connection with someone, setting a “commitment”. It is either a date, or it is not. But the likely hood of me ever going on a non-date date is as about as likely as me having a non make-out make-out session.
I’m not drinking the KoolAid, although I like those who are (they look so cute with the purple KoolAid rings around their mouths!)
What’s next should I wear a t-shirt when I go out with my girl friends that says, “ I like cock.” so as to not confuse anyone about what we are doing or my intensions.
You’re such a dating DIVA and I love it! You said it perfectly, it’s an escape goat to soften the blow if one party gets rejected. You can fall back on, “oh, it was a non-date date anyway so it doesn’t matter.” If that’s what it takes to get you through the cold lonely nights…GO FOR IT, but honey, in reality, it was just a bad date.
I left a comment earlier but when I tried to submit it, your site was down. Ack! I’ve read a few blogs about the ‘non date date’ topic. Is this a NY’er thing? I had to laugh because it really doesn’t make much sense. My dating days are long gone since I’ve been in a 10 year relationship. Whew…thank God for that!
I have had a few girlfriends that did go out on date(s) and turned into non date date(s). A few were actually happy that they made friends with those that quite didn’t have that special somethin’ somethin’. It happens. I believe dating has changed much. People are still out trying to connect and find Love and all that comes along with that. Sad that so many people have no clue what they want in their own Life…those are the last folks that should be out on the dating scene.
Love your blog. I’ll have to come back for more.
*Cheers*
Date/non-date is the degree of commitment implied. Like a text message is to a phone call. You text (DM) when you don’t want to commit to a conversation; you non-date when you don’t want to commit to an interpersonal interaction. Not that it may not happen, like a series of DMs/texts can turn into a convo, but the commitment to have one wasn’t there initially. One party can always back out guilt-free.
Yeah, I don’t like it either, but then I’m a geezer, so there’s a lot I don’t like :-)
Absolutely 100% agree with you. A non-date-date makes no sense at all to me. I keep trying to wrap my mind around it, but I keep failing. Great Post.
I don’t even know what was said. I got lost somewhere in the middle with all the date not date date non-date date…
Can I get an ‘I like cock’ T-shirt for my next non-date date?
Fab post as always darling!
nandoism — who you calling a diva, diva!? (you know we see pretty much eye to eye on this one!)
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Xavierism — I’m sorry it went down on you:( so odd! But thanks for sticking with it, so much effort :) You’re right, at the end of the day you need to know yourself and what you want before you start bring other people into that. (and I do hope you come back for more)
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Rufus Shepherd — well i like geezers so we will always have that.
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MaruskaMorena — thanks hon. and if you ever wrap your head around it let me know, maybe you’ll help me see the light, but the again i highly doubt that!
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sayer — what? me not make sense? that is so unusual ;)
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KB — Yes t-shirts are needed asap!
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