Say what now…
I was having a conversation the other night with friends about stuff that drives guys crazy. (more on that on later, or not) It got me thinking about things guys do that drive me crazy, and more importantly things guy say that drive me crazy! You know those things you never want to hear a guy say again.
The following are 10 things I never want to hear another boy say to me (Again)!
1) “You have a cute little tummy.”
Are you serious right now!? I am like 99.9862% positive you just called me fat.
2) “I forgot how great you are.”
Of course I’m great you tard! I’m amazing in fact, and all that time you spent away/forgetting me was totally your loss!
3) “If you also have toast and bacon or sausage that would be great too.”
Dude I just made you eggs, fruit, and coffee and this is the first time we’ve had sex. Check yourself! Then check yourself again!
4) “Don’t forget your granny panties.”
They may or may not fall under the category of “granny panties” that is irrelevant. All I know is you seemed pretty excited to be seeing them earlier so pay them some respect.
5) “Can I take a shower?”
I’m going to let you cause I’m a good hostess, but No, no you cannot take a shower. Unless we are in a committed relationship or we are spending the whole day together you cannot use my shower and use a perfectly clean towel, or my expensive shampoo. Pick up your dirty clothes put them on and leave.
6) “We have to lay sideways on the bed or it makes noise.”
Ok I get it your bed squeaks when we “move”, that is cool I can respect that. But if it makes those noises just from a little motion you need to either get a new bed frame or find someone else who is comfortable only “being” in one spot.
7) “I’m not really looking for a serious relationship right now.”
Dude! Did you hear me at anytime say I was? Wow, you’re great and all, but your heads getting big. I like you and you interest me that is all…. Nobody mentioned a relationship and I sure as hell didn’t mention babies!
8) “That was my ex girlfriends I just haven’t gotten around to throwing it out.”
Please note if you have been out of a relationship more then 2weeks your apartment should Not include the following: makeup, nail polish, jewelry which obviously cost less the $20, female deodorant, a curling or flat iron, or tampons. (Also, unless you guys lived together your apartment should never include the above)
9) “Are you going to write about me?”
Only when you say stupid ass stuff like that, Einstein! I’m spending time with you which means I probably like you enough to not subject you to being mentioned in a silly blog, or I will write about you once you become a douche-bag.
10) “What do you like to do for fun?”
I’m here right now and I was having fun until you started asking stupid questions like that.
(reason #___why I’m single: I can’t control my eye rolls when people say stupid things.)
SIDEBAR: I also have no desire to get into someone else’s dirty shower.
:raises hand on 1 & 5:
Crap.
Also, along the same lines as number 2: I’ve missed you.
Number 10 makes me want to strangle them…or anyone for that matter. I abhor that question; and it is all over the dating sites.
Um, Yes, YES and YES!
#3… Wow, wow.
I went on a huge rant about #1 on TBGB a few weeks ago… people find one mindless question and use it over and over instead of taking every woman/interaction as something brand new. So annoying.
my translations
1) “You have a cute little tummy.”
Male Translation: Lose some weight and I’m a dick.
2) “I forgot how great you are.”
I’M SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER HOW AWESOME I AM
http://echosphere.net/star_trek_insp/insp_captkirk_preview.jpg
Male Translation: I forgot you even existed after i left your apartment / broke up with you.
3) “If you also have toast and bacon or sausage that would be great too.”
Who knows, are they a complete dick?
Futurma Episode:
Leela: How you take your coffee?
guy: With eggs, bacon and a muffin.
Male Translation: Basically I’m trying to increase my protein for today, if you wouldn’t mind or i’m trying to see how far i can push you.
4) “Don’t forget your granny panties.”
Male Translation: Oh I can get to say my “granny panties joke” all the chicks dig that.
5) “Can I take a shower?”
Male Translation:I want to get all the sweat that you’ve dripped on my while i lied on my back or I just love girls shampoo and conditioner, what excuse can i use to pour some over my body.
6) “We have to lay sideways on the bed or it makes noise.”
Male Translation: Please fix my creak for me, i’m not man enough
7) “I’m not really looking for a serious relationship right now.”
Male Translation: You obviously dig me, we just have sex and everything. Get over me.
8) “That was my ex girlfriends I just haven’t gotten around to throwing it out.”
Male Translation : I have an ex-gf’s tatoo on my leg, i’m trying to find someone with the same name. Will you change yours?
9) “Are you going to write about me?”
Male Translation : Its just I want you too and say how I awesome I am.
10) “What do you like to do for fun?”
Male Translation : I want to know where you can hang out, so I can either go there or avoid there.
#8: Yes, ridiculous. Though I can see leaving tampons at your boyfriends’ place even if you don’t live there (assuming he doesn’t mind & if it was a long relationship). You never know…
Theresa: Even worse than that question (in my opinion, duh) on dating sites is the “What do you look for in a guy/mate/whatever?” Seriously?! I’m pretty sure we all want the same fucking thing. Someone compatible that we’re attracted to! Not so hard to fucking figure out!
drunken_hopfrog–As in you’ve said these things? But it can be ok, cause you’ve never said them to me ;)
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SleeplessInSimi–Oh “I missed you” is usually followed by number 2, and yes don’t get me started on number 10! I could right a hole post/ maybe two just on 10!
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thebiggirlblog–Hey hon thanks for your first comment. I agree with you hands down. Silly boys!
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DaveTheBrit — This is FAB! YOU are FAB! Don’t tell anymore but this is my all time favorite comment left!
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Jennifer Juniper — Yeah I agree with you on the tampon part (sorta) it works for some, I wouldn’t do it, but I’m an odd duck. And I’m talking like twice I’ve seen a whole big box, and not hiding or anything, like out in the open. Like how are all those coming in handy? odd! (thanks for your first comment and welcome!)
Maybe they’re for him; Maybe he has a big box of tampons because he gets a lot of nose bleeds from being punched in the face cause he’s a db :)
(we all saw that SATC episode right? Where Steve had a tampon up his nose to stop the bleeding? lol)
Sausages in the morning?? I wonder who can eat that. 1# and 4# are downward rude though. “A question of Time” as Depeche Mode would say…
Gosh I didn’t know half of these were annoying. You are mean about the showers but I am totally with you on No.9. Nice blogging.
@plum Yeah, I mean, look, I was telling a gal once what I loved (lusted) about her. She was really skinny with a tiny cute little pouch tummy and I told her was cute. But I totally stole that from ‘Pulp Fiction’ where Bruce Willis told his GF she had a cute tummy and I thought if Bruno could do it then why the fuck couldn’t I?
Furthermore I’m a shower obsessive. Chances are I want to take a shower so I feel ok enough to initiate sex again. I mean if one sleeps the whole night with juices drying on, like, his shoulder and left calf and he has some experimental lubricant in his hair, tape rings on his wrists… well, anyway, shower, morning sex, breakfast, out. But I fix breakfast, no matter whose place :D
Wow, I am so glad I have never said any of those before. Though now that I’ve read this post the devious side of my subconscious is going to blurt one out sometime in the near future. I can already feel it plotting against me.
Numbers 7 & 10 really resonate with me.
Saying you don’t want anything serious just makes things really awkward.
And number 10 is what people say when they can’t think of anything else to say. It’s the same as asking what your hobbies are. Boring.
aussie– yeah, I could believe that maybe if he’s an athlete…but still the main fact is he didn’t say that! (oh…steve!)
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Gany – Boys can eat anything in the morning.
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drunkenhopfrog–I get the liking shower things. I love showers, but I don’t like using other peoples, and if people have issues then you also should go home ;)
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Josh– Welcome! Thanks for your first comment! Plot away, and let me know how it works out for you! I mean they might work on some people, I’m not very normal!
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Tales– AWKWARD INDEED, right!!!
I’d probably kill someone who said #1 AND #3. Or just #3. Why would anyone say that? Like, maybe you HAVE toast and bacon, but you’re just saving it for someone REALLY special. Do you have a super big freezer that looks like it probably contains bacon or something?
Oh plum, I think this is one of my favourite posts!
#’s 2, 5, 7 & 10 are the best.
What do you mean, you ‘forgot how great I am’? NEXT, PLEASE!
And random guys using my shower. No way. Unless you’re going to take me for breakfast and give me a really, really good seeing to afterwards. Otherwise, forget it.
And saying how you’re not looking for a relationship just makes you sound so very unoriginal. How about, I just don’t like you enough to date you. I think as women, we’d respect that far more.
#10 reminds me of every bad, cheesy email I have ever received online. Surely, SURELY, you can think of a more interesting question. You would think?
Oh to be a lady who dates!
An awkward pause: My then-new girlfriend asked if I wanted to take a bath with her after our first time. I thought it was sweet and stopped putting on my dirty clothes for a run to the door, as good manners dictate.
The bathroom door was open and I saw her use the toilet brush to wash the tub. I did the math: toilet brush + bath tub + junior high health class = “Is your clock right? It’s that late?”
Toe fungus is one thing, but that tub had bad rash written all over it.
Great list and translations.
This may fall into the category of things that drive boys crazy but I agree with most of what you say with the exception of maybe the shower and the fat thing:
1) If we have just said something that after much intentional misundestanding, can be construed as “you are fat” “I hate you” and we’re having a casual conversation rather than screaming at one another during a fight, then there’s a good chance THAT NOT WHAT WE MEANT!
2) There is no article of clothing that exists on the planet that will make a rail-thin girl look fat unless it is in fact a sumo suit. Please stop asking the “Does x make me look fat?” question. It would save us both time if you simply substituted the more direct “Hey you, let’s fight!”
HAHAHAHA to all of those!
Erin– I know right! And I live in NYC so of course I don’t have a big freezer. ha ha. But even still! Anyone is lucky to anything.
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KB–Thanks hon! Next please, indeed! And thank you for agreeing with me on the shower thing!
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David–Thanks for your first comment! EWW! I can’t even go there!
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Sayer — Wow I feel like you’ve been faced with way to crazy women who have used those line. I’ve never asked a guy that, and no girl should ever ask that. Also, #1 isn’t about the fat part is more about the comment.
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shabel — maybe I should have done more ;)
The fact that these things have been said to you says so many things about the men you go after, and so much more about you. I can see why you say you are lost. you really need to find yourself before you start dragging men in.
Haha I love it when you say you can’t resist rolling your eyes at questions like these. Imagined someone doing that and chuckled to myself!