The Lost Plum…

A purple spider, Punky Brewster, a tiger, and a ninja turtle all have one thing in common.  These are all things I have been for Halloween.

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays.  I mean candy, costumes, drinking, and did I mention candy. What’s not to love!  It’s also the only holiday, which isn’t ‘family’ centered, maybe that is why we all love it!

Halloween is like over 200 years old and in my opinion maybe the most over commercialized and marketed holidays.  But more then that Halloween is over sexual.  It could be called “National Slut Day”. 

As Halloween draws upon us, all I see left right in center is slut attire. I was at the drug store buying tissues and cough drops and right next to the checkout were fishnets! (seriously?!)

Halloween is synonymies with cleavage, legs, and frankly sex. And females are mainly to blame (lame!).  Women dress in provocative garments to in most cases draw sexual attention and advances from men. Now I’m not saying anything is wrong with that but I think it’s gone a little far.  (this is where all my male readers which is about 90% of you chime in and say “hell no it hasn’t gone to far!”)

Halloween offers the opportunity to dress as anything at all and in true spirit dress as you something you really want to be.  Now I don’t know about you but I sure wasn’t telling everyone growing up in my sexy-school girl uniform that I wanted to be a prostitute.

I have never really dressed ‘sluty’ on Halloween so I can’t really judge can I.  In fact the costume I plan on wearing tomorrow is maybe my most sexy to date. And it’s not even that risky. In fact I traveled to many of the pop-up costume stores this city is filled with at this time in search of ‘additions’ to my costume. 

SIDEBR:  While at the costume store I over heard one girl tell her friend she should go as a prostitute because guys stick money in your boobs all night so it’s a win win!  (my eyes rolled, and I am rolling them again)

My costume this year needed alittle extra, and by little extra I mean 2-3 inches.  See in the spirit of National Slut day ever costume sold for women pretty much sits on your ass.  I mean maybe if you are a size 0 with no ass these lengths are appropriate but I grew up with my mother, who as soon as something went over the knee she raised a silently judging eyebrow.

StoreWorker:  Need help?

Me:  No I’m just looking for something, thank you.

StroreWorker:  Something in mind?

Me: Well, yeah actually I need something this colour or to match this.  (pulling out costume from my bag)

StoreWorker:  Are you looking for the same one? What’s wrong wit this one?

Me: It’s too short I need to add material to the bottom. Add more skirt.

StoreWorker: WHY?! 

Me: (laughing) It’s too short.

StoreWorker:  That’s how you get us guys to notice you. It’s sexy. You ain’t picking up if you ain’t showing leg.

Me: Honey, I was covered from head to toe and then some last year and I still had sex in the bar bathroom with a hot sailor. 

StoreWorker: (silent) Damn Girl!

It’s not about what you wear, it’s about how you wear it.  It’s about being confident in your own body, and I guess if most of us need that little “it’s ok it’s a holiday” excuse then I’m all for it.  Just make sure you have the confidence before you go throwing a mask over it. So embrace your sexy self and put on a costume or don’t it doesn’t matter. Just be comfortable in you, and the rest will fall into place.

MamaPlums advise for Halloween this year: “Play safe with others, and don’t accept candy or other ‘goodies’ from homeless men on the street. Oh and wear a hat you’re going to have cold weather”

PapaPlum left me a voice mail the other night with the following costume recommendation:  “You should go as someone who HAS received their flu shot. Hint hint.” (insert his laughter)

FACT: Sexy Sailor and I ‘dated’ for about 5 weeks after Halloween.  I didn’t even remember putting my number in his phone.  But I did…..that’s another story for a much later time.

If you’re one of those crazy kids who keeps coming back to my blog you have noticed something different on the right hand side.  The Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile button/badge/widget/what-cha-ma-call-it.

One of the best things about online dating is the ability to just brows though profile after profile as you secretly sit and judge people. Whether it is on their pictures, there likes, or their spelling.

Well now you can ‘judge’ out in the open. The  Who Has The Best Online Dating Profile Contest is a fun, feel good, and free contest.

SIDEBAR: Aren’t a member of OkCupid. It’s free so join, and check it out!  Maybe come find me….or don’t.

Both members and non-members have the opportunity to vote either on OKcupid, Right here, or on one of the numerous blogs helping to promote the contest. (like me–> to the right you can vote)

The Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest runs through November 30, 2009. Winners will be announced on December 2, 2009. All contest participants will be automatically enrolled in a sweepstakes for $250 cash.

So come join the fun. Vote for your favorite, vote for your friends, vote for me, and vote for yourself (we all do that it’s perfectly acceptable)

Some of the great blogs (well besides mine!) helping to promote the contest (check them out):

Little Miss Sarcasm, Suddenly Singles, Midtown Girl, Single Gal in the City, Rantings of a Single Girl, 20-forty.com, KB in NYC, Single City Guy, Your Dating Tales, You Make My Date, Not Your Mother’s Playground, Dating and Mating in America, Love in the Dumps, Swimming with Sharks, It Was Over When, Notes from the Dating Trenches

FACT: This contest is a co-promotion by SurveyGizmo.com and 2ChicksINC and is sponsored by OkCupid.

A long long time ago when I was younger, and stupid, and full of teenage feeling for ‘firstguy’ we used to spend hours making out with basically no clothes on. (Silly no penetration teenage love)

‘Firstguy’ and his family were moving. And about 5 days before the big move his mom laid down the law. “No seeing Plum till you finish packing up your room”

It seems very very reasonable, but at the time it was the worst thing in the world.  The brilliant solution was that I would help him pack after school till just before his parents came home.

FACT: I did all the packing and he just complained.

One day we were more interested in each other then packing.  One thing leads to another and I ended up in my panties and nothing else. He seemed to have all his clothes.

And all of a sudden we hear something. His mom is home, and home early. Crap-attack! The room was basically empty nowhere to hide.

He looks at me point in one of those ways he would get where I obliged.

“Get in that box!”

My answer now would have been “you’re out of your fucking mind!” My answer then was to curl up in the box/trunk thing.

He then closes the lid. Closes the lid! YES, he did that! And……locked it!

I can hear mumbles, not too much more. A tap on the top of the trunk? My first thought is ‘thank god’ I’m getting out.

Next thing I know I’m swaying in the box. I feel all off balance. And mumbling, more mumbling.

My first thought…I’m going to die.

I hear noises and I’m being banged around. What the What!? I hold back tears and screams.

Next thing I know it is calm.  I’m no longer moving, I don’t hear anyone.  Then all of a sudden there is a loud bang, a few minutes later a strange sound.   I’m trying to pick it out, but it’s hard to.  I then feel a slight vibration. Holy f-ing god! I’m in the moving truck! I’m in the truck!

FACT:  THIS IS A FACT!

I start to cry. I don’t know if I was making a lot of noise, but I was crying, and convinced someone was going to discover my decomposing naked body stuffed in a moving trunk!  I was going to die! Period!

Then we stop, the truck stops, I hear noises. I stop crying. (sorta)

Then nothing and nothing.

Here I am a little hazy on the actual event.  I may have passed out it is very unclear. I do feel like I was in that trunk in their new house for at least 2 hours. That’s my best guess-timation.

I here a noise, a tap on the trunk.  This is either my ‘firstguy’ here to rescue me, or someone else who isn’t prepared to see my boobies.

The trunk opens.  It’s ‘firstguy’! That god!  And he has my clothes! Thank god again!

It’s dark outside!  “Sorry, I couldn’t get away we started dinner.”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!

I put on my clothes and marched myself all the way home!

And from that point on I decided: I will never get into a box or trunk again for a guy! Period!  I’m at least good enough to be provided with a little bubble-wrap first!

SIDEBAR: I did walk myself home, but I should stipulate that ‘firstguys’ family was moving into the house next-door. So it was a short yet purposeful angry walk home!

We all do things that people find unappealing.  Many times we notice unappealing behavior in the opposite sex more then others.  I in fact notice his a lot.  I notice people a lot and I notice guys even more (can you blame me?).  Now I’m no way would I say guys can be more unappealing then girls. In fact, I am more bothered and at times ‘discussed’ by things I see girls doing or saying in public.

However, this past weekend I observed/overheard a few things about the opposite sex.  These five events all took place over the weekend. These are perfect examples as to why I am so called “picky”.  Cause sometimes guys just make me shake my head.

1. Walking down the street near NYU passed by two guys having a conversation. These two guys couldn’t have been older then 23 and defiantly were students.  I only really over heard the following:  “You need to play them the new Little Wayne song, it’s funny as hell and the ladies love his shit!”    Wow, I wish I had a boy that would have me over to his dorm room and play Little Wayne.  Oh wait……(*sigh*)

2.   “There were a lot of good bitches there…and then 10minutes later they all left.”   These guys crossing the street in hells kitchen/midtown need to realize that just maybe all those bitches saw them and ran away.

3.  When I can see the crotch seam to your boxer briefs then your pants are way to low.  That is all I’m going to say about that.

4.  Sitting at a coffee shop in union square area a young pretty good-looking guy walks in. Walks in door, walks over towards the register but stops at the refrigerated compartment where they have cold drinks. Picks up a bottle of water, throws it up in the air so it spins he grabs it as it comes down. He then turns around and walks out of the door. Personally, I like guys who can pay for their own water, I don’t know about you, but that is just me.

5.  “Well how much for two girls?”  Now we should be clear I was walking outside near 59^th and 6^th at 3am, and I saw this guy leaning against a building, talking on his cell phone.  The best part of this and he didn’t say like he was going up in price as in ‘wow that’s a deal maybe I’ll try two.  This guy said it like ‘WOW that’s a lot’ and moved down to two from whatever number he was at previous.

SIDEBAR:  I think women putting on makeup on in public are one of the most disgusting things in the world. I’m not talking a little lipstick and such. I’m talking pulling out their cakey gross spongy compact and rubbing it all over their face, or mascara on…it makes me throw up in my mouth especially when its on the subway!

I’m going to put this out into the open. I can’t date boys who run. I just can’t do it. For one simple reason:  I do not run.

Not only do I find no joy in it.  I also find no point to it. And I happen to have the right knee of 72 year old. (due to year of running after soccer balls, and a small incident involving a car)

SIDEBAR: I do however seem to find lots of guys who seem to run from me.

Now, I had this discussion with a friend of mine last weekend.  And she agreed, mainly because she, like me doesn’t like it or see the point in it.  “As long as they don’t expect me to run with them. I’m cool with it.”

Well here’s the thing:  They are never cool with you not doing it. Running like all sports related topics are things people become fanatical about.  Now I’m not talking stop your life for fanatical…..but sometimes I am.  People who get fanatical about things need to check themselves.

Runner boys say they are cool with you not joining them. But the topic always finds away to come up and be stuffed in your face over and over again. Now I’m not saying I don’t like doing activities and sporty type things, I’m not saying that at all.

Maybe just maybe I’ll break down and go with them. It’s been known to happen. But I don’t last very long till my knee screams (stops) and lets be honest my out of shape ass can’t breath.  And then THAT has to come up.  I maybe slowed them down, or didn’t push myself, blah blah blah….

Don’t get me started on pushing myself. I can’t stand being pushed into something physical or in the fitness realm.  I’ve gone through almost every personal trainer at the gyms because if you yell at me I’m done with you. I do what I want to the point I want.  (this maybe why my ass is so huge but we aren’t talking about my ass right now)

So yeah, running!  I hate it, and can’t bring myself to date anyone who likes it, or even worse those guys who love it.  It isn’t fun, stop telling yourself it is!

Plus, I can think of many other fun activities that can get your heart rate pumping. Activity’s that I find fun as well.  Couples who run together make me vomit in my mouth!

FACT: I say “running after soccer balls” because girls soccer is and always will be ‘kick-and-chase’, and we’re all better off if we can just admit that now.