The Lost Plum…

Now when people ask what’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning many of the answers are the same: brush teeth, shower, go to the bathroom, take the dog out, make coffee. But you never hear anyone say, “I get up and wash my hands.”

Now what should BE the first thing people do when they get up in the morning?

WASH YOUR HANDS! And this is why:

Its no secret that hands are the biggest cause of passing on/ or coming in contact with bacteria. (You touch something nasty you then rub your eye and boom you got an eye infection) We are all told to wash are hands daily and we are a culture of mini hand sanitizers in our purses. I am no exception. I wash my hands a lot and my collection of Bath and Body Works hand sanitizers is almost its own store.

Although our hands come in contact with many gross and disgusting things all day long (hand rails, subway polls,coffee shop counters, public restrooms, library books) one of the places that breeds the most bacteria right in front of you.

YOUR OWN HOME. I mean yes there are the obvious kitchen messes, bathroom messes and the lot. However, what about you as a person?

When are your hands really the dirtiest? You want to know? WHEN YOU WAKE UP!

You go to bed, yes you might have washed your hands as one of the last things you did, but you still get into your bed which by the way is crawling with bacteria, literally crawling!!!!! You set your alarm which is usually a big plastic breading ground for germs that lets say maybe gets cleaned every month or so, or even worse you set the alarm on your cell phone. (The average cell phone has more bacteria growing on it then a public toilet! Gross right!)

So you are all set and . . . . . . . . . . you are asleep! As you sleep your body gets warmer, bacteria starts to thrive in a warm environment. The one thing that differs from all the stuff you have contact with while up and when you are asleep is you are aware of what you touch when you are awake.

Your asleep: you rub your eyes, you pick your nose, you itch your feet, you scratch your head, you put your hands in your crotchal region, you place them under your armpits, you wrap them around someone else, you scratch you bum, you touch someone else’s bum, and don’t forget about getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. (Only 1 in 7 wash their hands after using the bathroom, and only 1 in every 34! Does so after peeing in the middle of the night, that’s just crazy and gross people!)

Then you wake up covered, simply coved in Bacteria. So don’t bite your nails, don’t take the dog for a walk, don’t start breakfast, don’t even pee first.

WASH your FILTHY, DISGUSTING, GROSS, BREADING GROUND you call your hands!

(so then we can do this)

(reason #___why I’m single: I keep my hands to myself while sleeping!)

boy/girl name guy:     How old are you?

plum:    27 very soon to be 28.

boy/girl name guy:     Ahh…see you need to find yourself a 31-33 year old.  The 31-33 year old guys love the 27-28 year old girls. They make the perfect relationships.

plum:    Is that right?

boy/girl name guy:     That’s right!

plum:      To bad you said you were 35.

boy/girl name guy:     I already said I was 35.

plum:    you sure did!

boy/girl name guy:    damn…… (walks away)

Asylum ran an article back in June referencing an Australian study, which shows men prefer the pleasure that comes from food to those from sex. Now, I had played around with the idea of trying this theory out for myself, but my bacon skirt didn’t turn out as well as I wanted it too!  (Either did the boneless-wing bra but that’s another story)

Yes food is amazing, and yes sex is amazing, and yes I have a point here….if it’s amazing is questionable.

Why pick between two when you can have the best of both worlds! I’m not talking about introducing food into your bedroom routine. (Although some seem to enjoy that) I’m talking about boys finding themselves a girl that knows her way around the kitchen.  (I expect all the fem-nazi’s out there to comment on how ridiculous they think this statement and list is…so bring it!)

Reason’s why Girls who cook/bake make great girlfriends (and shouldn’t be single!)

~  Our pantry. We will always have staples, and staples make all the difference. Staples that most cooking/baking girls will have are eggs, milk, cheese, vegetables, nuts, sugar, garlic, sauces, spices/herbs, rice/beans/pasta…what else do you need.

~  We have good timing. We know when things are just right, need a little spice, or are overdone!

~  One Word: BREAKFAST!

~  We also love to eat out, and know some amazing restaurants, and on top of that know a lot of off the menu items.  This knowledge comes in handy when you try to impress the guys (or let’s be honest the other ladies)

~  We are experts at expiration dates, and use by dates.  A trait all guys love a woman to have, it comes in handy.

~  We are the Queens of the office.  My good friend Queenie, one of my favorite single girls that can cook is always a hit at her office after a night of baking.

~  Cookie diplomacy will rule the world one day.  We bake, and baking makes people happy, and we know this fact and use it to our advantage.  Baking for people like landlords, who fix things/make problems go away always works! (well a cleavage shirt works well too)

~ We will try new things, which makes eating out with us an adventure!

~ Sexy Aprons, and licking the spoon! (nuff said)

I poke fun at my mother a lot on here. It’s all in good fun, but at the end of the day as much as she makes me roll my eyes, shake my head, or even shake my fist, I love her to death and she is my best friend and she’s taught me a lot.

10 things Mama Plum has taught me about love-dating-sex and the opposite sex:

1)  Never-ever take nude photos or make a sex tape with or for someone. “That’s all you need is people on the Internet knowing your business, or seeing your business!”

2)  Guys will always pick fame and fortune first! You can still make it work and still have a great relationship, but if a guy is ‘famous’ that always comes first. “You don’t scream and cry for him like all those little fans do, sweetie!”

3)  “Everybody likes desert, but there is a reason the cheese cake factory is trashy!”  There is nothing wrong with giving away a little desert, but don’t be over indulgent and fill the plate.  “It’s better to have just a bite rather then the whole gross big slice”   (As we know I’m not always great at this rule!)

4) Wear a good bra! ”  A bra is to show you off, not for you to take off”

5)  Buy a king size bed! You’ll spend too much time talking about how you two should of that it will take time off your life. “Scratch that, I’ll get you one as a wedding gift….if that ever happens!”

6)  ”Take that hat off, boys need to see your beautiful eyes”. I went threw a hat phase. Name any type of hat I wore them all the time. I got over it, and guys saw a lot more of me. (although I still hide behind my glasses)

7) “Showering together only leads to trouble” she makes a good point, except I don’t know exactly what type of trouble she meant.

8) You should always be open with a significant other in regards to spending habits, credit card debt, and loans, ect. “Cause once I get you married you’re off the Plum family payroll”

9)  “Even lip-gloss is something” My mother feels very strongly about never being seen in public without a little something in the makeup realm. This to her is not only done for yourself, but more importantly for others, and in my case the opposite sex.

10)  Most importantly just be yourself! “Someone out there will put up with you and all your funny stuff” No matter who you are someone will love that about you. Never settle for being anything but yourself.

FACT: My parents went on 2 dates, and got engaged. My dad then moved cross-country and flew back for the wedding. I wasn’t born for another 3 years (if that’s what you were thinking) So, not sure how much she knows about relationships or boys, but this fact always creeps my brother out, so I needed to re point it out for him!

SIDEBAR: She’s not best friend enough to know the address to this blog, she knows there is one, just not how to find it.

I have a date on Friday, which has all good and bad attached to that statement. I feel like I haven’t been on a date in a while, but then again I also feel like I haven’t eaten all day (as I stick my spoon in my pudding cup)

This boy who I meet randomly calls me last night.  Now, I don’t usually pick up when I don’t know the number, but it said Private Number, and I have a few friends with those so I take my chances sometimes.

“Hello”

“Hi, this is ‘Market-Boy’.  We meet last week at Whole Foods…you picked up my grapefruit.”

And there it was. It smacked me in the face. After all the good fun I had dropping fruit, and making fun of the idea of it.

This boy.

This boy dropped his fruit, and I liked it.

I fell for it, and I, me, this one here, me, I didn’t even see it coming!

There I was in Whole Foods, buying my fruit when this grapefruit landed/ rolled towards me.  I bent down pick it up and then boom there was this attractive nice guy. We chatted, I don’t even remember about what, and somewhere in that time he asked for my phone number…well actually he asked for my phone number when I later ran into him in the yogurt section.

Grapefruits and yogurt?…This boy might actually be to grownup for me. I usually fall for the sugar cereal guys. (just saying)

I wonder if he has tried the dropping fruit trick before to pick up the ladies.  Who would ever do a ridiculous thing like that!  Seriously, gosh….

So I have an actual date with a fruit-dropper.  I wonder if I should introduce him to the joys of bowling!?

(reason #___why I’m single: I’ve been spending all my time dropping the fruit and not picking it up!)