Ok, I’ll say it. Get it out in the open. Here we go. I have Penis Envy. I mean who doesn’t!? I am fascinated by them! And I am constantly reminded by my spam inbox that I can make mine bigger with just one pill. I may need 200 pills because I can’t even find mine! (I’ve looked, and I’m pretty sure someone would have told me by now if they saw one!)
We have all read articles where they ask women what they would do if they had a penis for a day. Most end up saying they would have lots of sex. Here is my issue with this answer: So say you get a penis for 24 hours. You have to A: find someone to have sex with and B: you only really have maybe if lucky 10 good “sex experiences” in you. (being honest)
There are so many other things you could do…well after you try sex, at least twice!
So if I woke up tomorrow with a penis: Whatever would I do:
: I’d get circumcised. I assume this is something my parents would do, however, never having seen my father’s or my brothers, or ever having a conversation about circumcision with any member of my family I don’t know. So I would do it, because frankly uncircumcised penises scare me.
:I’d stick it in things that I maybe shouldn’t. Like pudding, fruit, glazed doughnuts, milk, pie, and random holes.
:I would try every brand of condom. EVERYONE! Size, shape, texture, to flavor…and speaking of flavor.
:I’d take on the very hard challenge of learning to give myself head. I would master this and show it off to anyone willing to see.
:I’d take pictures of it and have them on my cell phone.
:I’d measure it (length and circumference) and then look up the states on Google, as well as bring these up and compare them with everyone.
:I’d hydrate myself all the time so I could pee everywhere. I’d pee outside, against things, off buildings, out windows. I’d write my name on things, like walls, the ground, and the snow…. I’d paint the town in my urine name.
:I’d learn to flex my muscles so it “dances” that always fascinates me!!
SIDEBAR: I would NOT put it between my legs to see what I look like without one. I see that everyday.