The Lost Plum…

As you all know Simone and I have been attending Dating Boot Camp.  Well she wrote a post this past week about the ‘90 day rule’ something Boot Camp endorses (although the entire man panel has disagreed) I could right a blog on my feelings of the 90 day rule and all that jazz, but you can read Simone’s (i agree with with her for the most part)  Basically, here’s the deal, I don’t want to be completely emotionally attached to you and then find out we can’t or don’t work sexually. I just don’t (I have before and, even though I say this I probably will again cause such is life)I started thinking about being emotionally committed to and in love with someone.

I’ve wrote about the ‘first guy‘, and the terribleness that was that relationship. At the end of the day, I did love him, and part of me does still care for him in the sense that I am who I am now because I do NOT have him in my life, and I guess in a sense I love him for finally walking away from me.  But this isn’t a story about that, this is a story about sex and love.  As much I disagree with the 90day rule I will tell this little story. ‘firstguy’ and I were on this big on again off again mess for over a year: mess! And we were definitely not having sex in the last (almost) whole year of this. Actually, not alot of physical anything but we were emotional attached and even when I tried to break a way he’d come crawling back with gifts and promises of us being perfect for each other (and even tales of how much god was telling him I was the one). In a moment of weakness, (in one of the many moments of weakness) I took his sorry ass back. (I did) He showed up at my dorm said he was sorry, how much he loved me, cared for me, how he would change and the whole nine yards (including jewelry and flowers) I remember feeling like he said this but he’d be back doing the exact same thing in a week. Well that time something changed alittle. We started not only kissing we started making out, clothes came off, and he wanted to have sex. I remember saying “why?” in the why-sense of  I shouldn’t do this and why is he all of a sudden wanting this after countless months of nothing. He laying right beside me on one of those tiny dorm room beds looked me straight in the eye and said. “I want to make love to you. You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved and will ever love. You are so special to me and I want to share that with you.” So we had sex. I honestly couldn’t tell you if it was good, or bad, but I can tell you its one sexual experience I will always remember. Although, now I know he was feeding me a line, I have never felt so emotionally committed to someone while having sex, and that in turn makes it one of the most pleasurable sexual experiences I’ve ever had (not on a mind blowing orgasmic way but on an emotional feelings kind of way)

So what’s this got to do with the  90 day rule? Yes, its great to get the sex out of the way so you know if two people are “compatible” but there will always be something nice about those time you ‘first’ have sex with someone you care about, and for some maybe that makes all the difference!

FACT: he didn’t talk to me or call me back for 3 weeks after that day. He then broke up with me because of an engagement (see #1 truth ive been told by a guy)

 I watch and see a lot of movies, however, one of the biggest movies of last year I didn’t see. I have yet to see No Country For Old Men. (Insert your shock and awe here!) I love, I mean, LOVE Cormack McCarthy, he is one of my favorite author and one of the most important American writers of our time.  He is simply brilliant. The first thing of his I read was The Orchard Keeper, I was in 7^th grade…not really reading material for someone my age, but I used to devour books and after reading that had to read everything he had ever wrote. I also might be one of the only people here in NYC who saw The Sunset Limited (his second play) more then three times. His work is poetry and celebration, and life and death, in one hard (or soft) cover.

No Country For Old Men is one of my go to books when I need a great read. It changes me and eats at my brain like a zombie in heat.  (If you also like this book you must read The Road) However, I have yet to see this movie, at first it was cause I love the book so much and although I’m sure the movie will rock my socks off I still worry it just might not…..and then there is Josh Brolin.  He killed Harvey Milk and I just can’t support him any more!

FACT: I also have a thing for Yates, one of his poems derives the name…I could go into more detail but then you would all know how nerdy I really am!

I had the pleasure of going to the closing night party for an exciting young theatre company, who I’ve had the pleasure of working with and having some amazing friendships with over the last 4years. As my already drunken ass walked to the subway (to head even further from home to even more drinking out in Williamsburg) I was having a wonderful chat/talk with my friend ‘debonair’, a great guy, and wonderful director.

We talked about life,work,summer,more life, and the lot.  And we of course talked about theater.  Now I might not remember ever detail we discussed in our walk/subway wait/ride, but I do remember him saying something that stuck with me and made me think.  ”I’m actually a smart guy”, he said it defensively like I didn’t know the fact about him (funny thing is I would never question his intelligence level ever: ‘debonair’ is a very smart guy!) This got me thinking about the sigma in a sense we “artists” live with. I do, and will always consider myself an artist, regardless of how others or society may see me.  Now there are some of us who are strong and come off as strong and there are others (I would put myself in this category) people have a habit of putting me a box, stereotyping me in to a category. I come off a lot as maybe a little flighty, I am always joking around, and people might think I don’t take things so seriously.  Basically, all I want to say is this:

We as artists and even us as people get judged to easily. Take a minute and get to know us, find out where we come from and what we love, what we think of the world, and even think of our selves.

FACT: you don’t know who I know, where I have been, how much money I have, why I studied what I did in school, what schools/programs I got into, who I was in high school, who I’ve become over the years, who i want to become…….or even how kick-ass i am at being a junior VP of a major Enterprise while still enjoy the life of an ‘artist’.

 GOAL: to try and never defend my life, the choices I’ve made in it and choices I continue to make!

 SIDEBAR: my dearest friend ‘hockeyplyr’ always says I never own what I do, I’m going to start “owning” more!

The SADDEST thing about this  Jon and Kate +8 news happening right now.

Her Hair!

FACT: If I ever have hair like that (or even highlights/lowlights like that) you have permission to not only cheat but to have a whole other “better” family! and maybe just run me over in one of those monster vans that can fit 8 kids.

So I stupidly left my gym bag on the subway the other day (on my way to the gym of course)  Well, the guy who found it called the gym, cause it had my pass in it, gave them my ID number and his number for them to pass along to me. I never would have thought that the gym would do such a service, but then I remembered the uber VIP gym package I got (as a gift, I did not pay for that) and I get a nice phone call telling me someone has my bag and here is his number.

I was so relived, not for the bag or contents (we’ll get to those later) but mainly cause I stupidly threw my keys in the bag, and I need me my keys! So I call this guy better known now as ‘key-man’, we pick a starbucks to meet up at and do a bag exchange, except I didn’t really plan on exchanging anything but a thank you.  So in I walkin, and there with my black and green “Showtime” tote is ‘key-man’, wow, not only is this man nice but he ain’t bad looking either. We exchange pleasant remarks I thank him so much, we quickly talked about the stupid MTA rule about how one can’t turn stuff in, it has to be left and discovered by staff to go to lost and found. …ect, ect.

Well, he just called me again.  Said it was being forward but wondering if I was up for doing dinner this week.  I said sure, I mean why not, what do I have to lose.  Well here in lies the problem.  I was going through the bag to clean it out and did a small inventory of the bag.  The question being did this guy become interested in me based only on our meeting, or did he go through my entire bag and just needed verification that I wasn’t a total hideous mess.

Contents of my gym bag:

:Nike shoes (the design your own kind, but they were designed for someone else as a gift and I ended up getting them) and a pair of socks

:Columbia University sweat pants,T-shirt with a Robot that says ” Computing 4-U”

: Playboy U water bottle

:Makeup bag, Brush, hair clips, toothbrush…ect.

:Victoria Secret purchase from the day.  Totally hot sexy black ‘sex’ underwear and bras.

:’T-Minus: The Race to the Moon’,  Graphic novel.

:A notebook, which happens to include a print out of my free and clear STD screen from the doctors. And tickets from like 3 basketball games, and 2 baseball games (all really really really good seats)

:And of course my keys …..and some gum.

Are we laying bets on if he looked through the bag?

FACT: I can get into my house, and I’m STD free. A pretty good day is I say so my self!