(two for the price of one on this ash wednesday)
Mr. Popped double collar: “nice ash! Want to rub it on me and give me the love of jesus?”
(a few hours and a few different venues later)
That Dude: “you’ll be wanting to give me up for Lent next year, just you wait baby!”
That Dude (after he had a few more drinks): Praise God, you’re boobs are SWEET!”
Now when it comes to products like tissues, paper towel, toilet paper, and such I’m usually buying what’s on sale, to an extent. (It’s still usually one of the top brands, cause lets be honest that 25cents a roll toilet paper cant be good for anyone)
Rewind about 4 months: I went to buy Kleenex because I had this terrible terrible cold/flu and my nose was running more then a concierge from Russell Crowe. I ventured down the street to a Duane Reade, and as I sickly looked over all the Tissues/Kleenex I saw a Sale Sticker next to Puffs Plus with Vicks VapoRub.
So I think to myself:
Self: Well you are sick.
Me: And VapoRub could maybe help.
Self: Right?
Me: Right! And they are on sale.
Self: They are basically free!
Me: Yup…. SOLD!
And thus I got two boxes Puffs Plus with Vicks VapoRub, for the price of one. I went home, my cold went away, the Puffs Plus did their duty, but the vaporub smell kind of bothered me, and tingled my nose….at 2 boxes for around $3 I couldn’t complain.
Fast-forward about 4 months: I’ve run out of toilet paper, what’s a girl to do! And sitting on top of the toilet tank sits a box of Kleenex, same thing right!? Of course!
Well in my own personal public service announcement let me just say: Never use a Puffs Plus with Vicks VapoRub tissue to wipe any part of your “lady parts”! Never! With a capital NEVER!
Not a pain you want to have for any reason! I still can’t feel all of my “ho-ha” and it’s been 3 hours!
Joss Whedon is the new Mickey Rourke!
He’s going to give us alot of CRAP but the comeback will be sweet!
(It’s just might take some time and judging by how bad ‘dollhouse’ is that scares me! Scares me, but not as much as the BVS “Hush” Gentlemen…ekkk!)
*This comeback is not to be confused with that of Robert D. Jr. that was personal crap, we’re talking work crap here……
I kind of wish this was an actual in-person line/request, cause then it just might be the best PULL ever. I got this email today in my OKCupid account.
Title: My future Girl Friend Request.
My beautiful (***insert my user name***)
My name is *** and even though this internet dating thing has been around for a while, I don’t really think it is what it is cracked up to be.
I have met some weird people on this site and yes I have met some really cool people too.
I myself am interested in meeting you and if you like the way I look and the description I posted of myself then I am a lucky guy if you are a real person.
I admit I am a bit hesitant about meeting new women on this site in fear that they are not who they represent themselves as or they are pretending to be someone they wish they were. A picture is worth a 1000 words and the pix you posted fill my plate with imagination and curiosity.
I surely wouldn’t mind trying to impress you and even though our OKC numbers don’t match closely that doesn’t mean the mix isn’t their.
I am not a vagabond or a gypsy but I would travel around the entire earth to be with that special person.
I work for myself and I can basically do my job from anywhere on the planet.
I am a computer tech and multi-media engineer amongst other things that can take me anywhere I want to go and make a living.
Right now I am in Woodstock NY and plan on driving to California next week for a couple weeks to get my dog and make some money out there working for a client.I wouldn’t mind traveling through your neck of the woods to perhaps have dinner with you on my way to Calif.
if that seem unreasonable to you that is ok and I will understand.
I’d like to let you in on who I am in full, if you are interested, email me back with some interest and I will send you an online link to my resume’ and some references. I don’t want to sound like I am applying for a job but getting into a new relationship is like applying for a new job… Relationships are a lot of work and require strong discipline.
I am willing to do that for you (**insert my user name**) or anyone who finds me attractive and wants to share my life with me at this point.
I have been single now for too long and most of my life consists of work and no play.
AND YES this is a single letter I wrote specifically for you (***insert my user name***).
I can type 35-45 wpm and I write a lot of poetry as well.
send me a topic and I will write you a poem. That is if you like poetry!
Best regards ****
***********************************
I am an atheist I guess, God is me,
I am the ruler of my own destiny.
Inspiration leads to perspiration.
Imagination begins reality.
Discipline controls the mind.
Love is completely blind.
Sarcasm is a somebodies truth
(THE END)
SIDEBAR: “my resume’ and some references” discuss amongst yourselves! Who has dating references, and what exactly do they say. WOW, I can’t imagine what my “dating references” would say….actually now that I think about it…..maybe I do need some, I’d never be dateless!
FACT: We are a 13% match, 12% friend, 86% enemy (I don’t get those numbers but the okcupid math geeks tell me this)
Facebook 25 is all the rage right now.
Have you listed your 25 things people probably don’t know about you? It seems harmless enough, right? People list 25 things about themselves and post it for all to read. Now I’ll admit I did this, in fact I did it twice. Once after being tagged on about 20 of them, and a second time once I was tagged another 25 times (another 25 for the 25 tags) Now I know that’s alot of time I spent being unproductive, but such is the black hole of facebook.
One of the things I listed on my first list was as follows:
“I’m a facebook photo creeper! If you post a photo I look at it (and the whole album), if someone tags you I look at the whole album of people I don’t know. If you’re a new friend I go through all of your photos, If I know you took photos and haven’t posted I kind of am bothered by it.”
But on that note, I also aways read peoples notes or posts. I can’t help it. I don’t care that I wasn’t tagged I’m reading your 25 facts, or your silly quiz. I’m addicted in a sick way to knowing more about my “friends”. Which is even worse because the ones that do these notes the most are the random highschool people that added me who I haven’t talked to in 10years minimum, so why should I care. But sometimes I’m so intrigued…….
Now some of my friends have posted beautiful, inspirational facts about their life, their loved ones, and even God, and then there are those that just make me go, “yeah, didn’t need to know that!”
25 Facts I’ve Learned About My Friends, That I Wish I Hadn’t! (*all these are taken from actual notes, whether they are actually “friends” is subject to interpretation)
1. I have recently become addicted to collecting air miles.
2. I love the feeling of peeing in a pool.
3. I can motorboat myself.
4. I buy my underwear one size bigger cause i like when it’s bunchy.
5. I have 28 piercings
6. I love meat but I wont eat it if it is attached to bone.
7. I’ll never meet a girl i’ll love as much as my sister
8. i only ever masturbate in the mornings
9. my parents used to have sex in our kitchen growing up and leave condoms in the sink.
10. i peed my pants on the subway once and then spilt my water all down my front to cover it up.
11. i’ve used my hand to wipe in a public bathroom with no toilet paper.
12. I’d make a good gay man.
13. i pretty much never wash my hands
14. i brush my teeth ever couple of days. i chew alot of gum.
15. I fart at least 40 times in a day.
16. If I don’t get the car I want for my birthday I’m not speaking to my dad ever again.
17. I used to collect other peoples hair that I would find and have it all in one big box.
18. I still stuff my bra.
19. i never wear underwear
20. I wash my tongue with soap every morning.
21. i used to pop my ex boyfriends back pimples during sex. he never noticed and thought i was just into it.
22. I’ve had more then 5 abortions and am not ashamed.
23. I like the taste of diet coke mixed with milk.
24. I had sex with one of my high school teachers
25. i still can’t fall asleep unless i suck my thumb.
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