old lady hate….
When I am really old:
Yes I am going to wear tons of rings and bracelets (wait?), lots of makeup, bright green jump suits with leopard heels, never signal when driving, audition for shows like crazy, and curl my hair nice and big. BUT AT LEAST I WONT BE A BITCH!
Walking home from tonight I had the most absurd encounter with an old woman. I was walking downtown and passing the starbucks near 115th and this elderly woman is saying “excuse me where is the closest bus stop?” to me.
I was kind of thrown off. (Thrown off in that I live in New York and I’m so used to letting random comments like “got 50 cents, or give me food, or you look hot” just pass through me.)
So I ask her the most obvious question: “what bus do you need?”
To which she responds, “Down town, they are all the same”
So I point to the 114 corner and say there is “one right there,” and start to turn to leave. To which I get a snap of her finger with a point down to her wheeling suitcase/backpack.
“My bag, take my bag!”
Again thrown off I think why not, I’ll be nice, maybe I will make up for the fact I have not bought a ‘homeless person anything from inside the starbucks since that homeless man tried to kill me in June. So I start to walk while rolling her bag, and then:
“Slow the fuck down you stupid Moron!”
Wait! What? Did she just call me a Moron? Who uses that term anyways? So I continue to walk a little slower, it’s only a block. However, she is complaining and being the biggest bitch the whole time.
The only nice thing she said:
“You must be a student. What are you studying?”
To which I replied Theatre, and to which she then stated:
“Oh I thought so, you look like a stupid Moron.”
She then started screaming that the bus was coming up and for me to make sure he stopped.
My inner thought: ‘ What the hell, its like three steps the driver can see you!”
So I stand at the bus door as she is walking up (slower then all hell) the whole time calling me names and being just a huge old bitter bitch!
As she gets to the door, I say: ” Here is your bag, have a good night.”
To which she replies: ” You are fucking useless! Put it on the fucking bus!”
And then….
“I just want to let you know that I don’t even know you, and I have…”(I was going to say, ‘been nice enough to carry your bag’, until she so rudely interrupted)
” Of course you don’t know me, I don’t have useless fucking morons as friends!”
To which I calmly reply: ” FUCK YOU” and threw her bag on the bus!
To which she replies, oh wait… she just took her cane and hit me on the top of the head with it!
That is all….
Sometimes!
SIDEBAR: If I have a scar from this cut on my forehead I am never being nice to old people again!!
FACT: I am bleeding!
GOAL: I might also get those gold little letters that have my initials in a pretty font for the bottom corner of my glasses like my aunt Kay has.. (when Im old)
