The Lost Plum…

I have the pleasure on working on an amazing project today. The 24 Hour Plays (on Broadway). Now I could go on all about it, but then I’d just babble on forever, as you know.

Read some press here, or even here.

Read about the amazing 24 hour play company, or even better the great organization that we are raising money for tonight; Urban Arts Partnership.

Now with out going into super detail about the process I’ll tell you a quick thing. Each actor comes into the process with a prop, a costume, and then tells everyone about a few talents they have, and something they have always wanted to do on stage.

So in the spirit of me not really sleeping tonight (having to be back at the theatre in 3 hours) here is a short list of my “talents”:

- I am amazing at the pogo-ball! My all time record was 2 hours and 43 minutes (I was 9 but still)

- I can tie a knot in a cherry steam with my tongue quickly. In fact I’ll do you one better I can tie a knot at both ends, and depending on the steam one in the middle.

- I can push my nose pretty much right against my face. I mean flat ass against my face. Pushed out, stretched out FLAT. It creeps people the fuck out.

- I remember step numbers in my head for some unknown reason. If I’ve walked up and down them I can pretty much tell you exactly how many steps there are (sometimes give or take 2)

- I am an expect wall painter.

- I know surprisingly too much about animal health. This includes picking out ailments in how dogs walk down the sidewalk. If your pet is sick I probably have a good idea what is wrong with it.

- I’m actually really good at playing the drums, like I should be in a band good. Ok maybe a girl band but still.

- I am a very good kisser (I have references)

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Cowboy: Are you dressed up as a princess?
Plum: I guess I am.
Cowboy: (laughs)
Plum: I like your cowboy hat!
Cowboy: I’ll let you wear it while you suck my dick.
Plum: I don’t think it will fit. (tapping head)
Cowboy: It’s not the only thing that wont fit! (tapping crotchal region while spilling his drink all down his shirt)

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I attended an event/workshop the other night and one of the speakers talked about ‘relationships’ or more pointedly where to meet men.

If you’re single you must ‘not be doing everything you can be doing to meet men’ was basically what he was saying….yeah ok buddy (there is a difference between dating and aggressively hunting any man you can find down)

One suggestion he mentioned was just too ridiculous to not bring up. Although, I know people who have done this, and even experienced a conversation along these lines.

His advice: Log into facebook and go through all your friends friends. Pick out all the cute ones and ask your friend if a: they are single and b: if they will introduce you.

Now ok, I admit to being a facebook photo creepier. I look at all your photos and any album you are in. Spending way to much time looking at friends of friends wedding albums, making sure I’m still better looking then the kids I went to high school with while judging their children, and how hideous your cousins prom dress was.

But cruising for single guy friends of friends, nope!

But then maybe this guy has the right idea. In fact my friend ‘A+’ tried to do this with me once. I simple explained to her, “if I had any great single man friends that would be perfect for you I would have already told you.” I also have a reader who added a friend of a friend because she seemed cute and interesting. (Not sure if it worked out for him or not, but I meet her and yes she was ‘cute and interesting’)

But giving facebook friend cruising as real advice to women, this can’t actually work for that many people. Can it? But late last night I figured it out (or I at least have a theory)

You see these types of seminars are usually for women (this is where I could refer to age but I’ll just say women, rather then girls, or chicks). Like dating boot camp that told us if you are over 35 you need to get “aggressive.”

I went through facebook picking out all my friends over the age of 35, now minus the fact that many of my friends in general work in “the arts” and facebook gets used as more of a contact builder. Not many of my ‘older’ friends had many friends that I feel like are real friends. In fact, I’d say on average my facebook friends over the age of 35 have about 25-45 friends.

Facebook started off for college students, grew form there and is still growing as we watch in awe as are parents and even some peoples grandparents join (mostly to play farming games from what I can tell)

Now going through a friend who has only 50 friends list is easy, that is doable. Once you are over a certain age the term ‘friends’ means something completely different.  It’s scaled back, and in wishing I had a better term, it is ‘real’.  It’s manageable like real relationships.  So maybe his advice wasn’t all that bad. But I will say going through something like my 800plus friends, that’s just creepy! I’ve had alot of friends (boys and girls) ask if I knew anyone who would be good for them but only once in what was a “its late I’m bored and we’re both awake” moments had a friend half assed go through my friends.

I don’t get it, but then again maybe I’m just not old enough…

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So awhile back I wrote about things I never want to hear a guy say to me again. I write about boys, and boy behavior, sure I guess I do, but I write more from my personal observations.

Anyways, like I talked about yesterday I get a lot of emails from readers. And I’ve had alot of my favorite boys out there say I need to write about what girls do that drive boys crazy.

Now, we all know my saying: “all guys are douche-bags, and all girls are crazy bitches”. But the thing is I’m not a guy so I can’t discuss what it is about girls that drive me crazy. I do have many female friends and I see and hear of them doing things that I would never find expectable in a relationship. But they are actually IN relationships, so some guys must obviously love the crazy-drama-girl-crap.

So, it got me thinking, what is something I know girls do that drives guys crazy. I thought and I thought…..and then!

SIDEBAR: This is where I get brilliant and insightful, watch-out!

Guys hate it when they encounter the hook in the front bra. (Well when they haven’t been informed) I gather that it is one of the most frustrating things ever. In fact, even more so then when they can’t get the back closer open. (At least they can find it, even if they need alittle help). Now granted the reveal from front opening bras are so much more spectacular! Serious, guys you know you love it! But not being told (or surprised) must be so infuriating.

So yeah if I were a guy I would have really hated my first encounter with a front closing bra. But I’m sure I’d love it when the girls on top and does that quick ‘finger flick’ and the bra just opens revealing all the glory. (You know just saying based on experience)

FACT: using the word ‘glory’ to describe boobs is subject to change. Some of us are just more ‘glorious’ than others.

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I get alot of emails from some of my very precious readers (not that you aren’t all precious) that ask my advice about  the opposite sex on a multitude of different topics.  Now like I’ve said before I’m not one to go out and give advice. My two advance degrees do not deal with relationships or psychology so technically I’m not an expert. And I fully believe that unless you are qualified you shouldn’t be giving anything but an opinion. Now, I’m not sure my opinion is one you want but judging the amount of emails I get from guys (sorry ladies or should I say lady because there has only been one of you) maybe you guys do want it.

FACT: The 5 boys who asked for my Halloween costume suggestions AND sent me photos. You guys rock my socks!

So one of the many questions I get from guys is how to impress a girl, or what is a little thing to really “wow” her.

So, here is my thing. Guys if you really really want to wow her, blow her away, and knock her socks off.

Stand up when she leaves the table.

I’m dead serious! Not only is this customary and proper table manners, it will buy you major point. And I mean major!  No joke, seriously!  I am pretty much going to fall in love with the next boy who does this.

My jaw almost hit the floor the first time I saw boy do this for me. I might have I also might have let out a*gasp*.  My good friend ‘Sunrise’ and I were chatting about this over dinner the other night.  She was telling me about how flattered she was when a male friend (NOT her boyfriend) did this when she left the table to use the restroom while they were out for after work drinks, and then again when she came back.

Not that I’m really giving all you boy’s advice I’m just simply stating…

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